34 - Wednesday, April 3, 1985 - North Shore News April 1 - April 13 Our tinest quality permanent wave on sale now! Includes . cul. style and condition. (Long hair extra.) ‘40° oe. EAR MISS MANNERS — I recently became taken by a man of my ac- quaintance, and his actions led me to believe that my attentions would not be unwelcome. | tried, unsuccessfully, to reach him by telephone. you, you would not, Miss Manners dares say, have been less likely to call him a cad. Where did you get the idea that a romantic overture to a new acquaintance confers an obligation on that person? Certainly not from your own experience as the object of such attentions, . As every lady knows, one o™ must discourage unwanted at- tentions firmly. One does not want to spell things out rude- ly, but the aroused heart will - take almost anything else as encouragement. Silence is therefore often used as a way of saying something too harsh ~ for words, namely “‘! really have no interest in you and : i never will, so leave me alone,” See That, Miss Manners is sorry : ge to tell you, is what the by. Judith gentleman has said. [t does we . oo. not give you the right to Martin. . Undaunted, I decided upon ~" the following course of action: I had flowers delivered to so him, along with'a card bear- . ing my, name-and telephone number. There has been no response. Jam not so much hurt at his failure te return my feelings as Tam appalled at his total lack of response. Whvt shall I do the next time I enconnter him? ‘I shall probably be able to resist the temptation ¢o present him with the florist’s bill, but I would like to be sble to (pro- perly) make him feel fike the cad he is. Or is it incorrect for Jadies . to send flowers to gentlemen they do not know well, in the - hope that a mere acquaintance on all Pingouin Yarns \ may become something more? April 4th - 14th GENTLE READER — To your claim that it was not the failure of interest that upset you, but only the question of etiquette, Miss Manners says: Piffle. . Had the gentleman refused 1745 Marine Dr., we. _ your flowers with the explana- 10 am - 5 pm Mon. - Sat. tion that he wished to refuse - aie i E> Park Royal behave as if he had ordered flowers and attention, for which he is now refusing to pay. Really, Miss Manners has no objection to ladies’ in- itiating courtship, but insists that they do so with the knowledge, which gentlemen have always had, of the risk involved. e DEAR MISS MANNERS -- I need a polite but firm reponse to a ‘‘friend's"’ refrain whenever the subject of the book I wrote comes up. She says: ‘‘Well, you know Tread the first draft of one of your stories. Frankly, it wasn'( any good.”’ Her ozinion was never ask- ed, though she has given it at least six times. I don’t want to match one rudeness with another. However, I don't like her to think I want to hear this pointless critique. The last time I said, ‘‘Well, the publisher obvicusty thought it was.’’ I haven’t been around her since, but want a polite way to close the PINGOUIN 4 922-2211 ‘Hair Today Fine hair styling for the whole family. 922-4308 Silence sends a message gee topic before she goes on, when next we meet. Why do people do that? If someone wants to know my opinion of their work, I give it carefully. And then I make it as constructive as possible. But I always make sure my opinion is desired and deter- mine why it is being sought. It is more important to support the effort to create than to put down the end product. GENTLE READER — Why do people do that? Because everyone is a critic nowadays, and feels privileged to offer everyone else formulae for im- provement in all business and personal matters. Aside from the deficiency of humility, it certainty does make social life hazardous, as you describe. Socially, one does not deliver such judgments — on- ly admiration or the nearest possible equivalent. When one RECRE gy sf “ & & -prevents Miss Manners from actually seeks the opinion of Ee oe ch a friend, one says, ‘I really RGR ee want your help with this, tell me the truth,”’ and then ac- cepts it. The humble answer, confes- sion that one cannot hope to #& please everyone, was fine. By now, you may switch to say- ing, ee you keep telling me.’’. aD Judith Martin's ‘‘Miss 3 Manners’ Guide to Rearing \[auY Wit SO SGENCE Perfect Children” (Atheneurn) | \eyou FIND I IT ADVERTIND is now available for etiquette FOR LESS— Well R RERU emergency consultation, THE BIEFEREN Feeling incorrect? Address your etiquette questions (in black or blue-black ink on white writing paper) to Miss Manners, in care of this newspaper. 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