An Xmas

Iam so relieved that
our mailmen are back
at work. After all,
without the mail, I
wouldn’r get those
wonderful family
Christmas letters I so
look forward to each
year.

My friend Sue from
Southern California writes a
typical fannily letter. She has
two little girls, who, judging
from her description, are
world-class athletes, have per-
feet pitch and get straight

s

She uses adjectives like
“phenomenal” and “fabu-
lous” to describe her family’s
accomplishments. If anly one
quarter of what she writes is
true, I'am jealous.

“Why can‘t our family
have a nice Christmas letter?”

- my daughter asked after I
read Sue’s letter to evervone
at the dinner table the other
night.

“We can,” J said. “Let's
all write down two or three
interesting things that hap-
pened to us in the last year
and PH compose our own
family letter.”

Pencils and paper came
out as everyone tried hard to
come up with something
worthwhile to say about their
year. Following is the result,
based on their submissions.

“Dear Friends,

1997 has been another
busy year for our family.
John, my husband, has been
working hard, and is still very
involved in the both the kids’
and his own sports.

He claims that the stress

of his job is contributing to
his hair loss, which he is a lit-
tle sensitive about, but he is
getting the rest of his body in
shape by riding his bike and
swimming. He has the
firmest thighs of any bald guy
1 know.

My oldest son is 35 now
and he is both playing and

“He has the
firmest thighs of
any bald guy I
know.”

refereeing hockey this season.

He really enjoyed the
community work he per-
formed in exchange for tip-
ping over a port-o-porty on a
PE class run last spring.

Tam very proud to report
that he has finally learned our
home phene number, and he
has even used it a couple of
times to check in. He is look-
ing forward to snowboarding
this winter, which he might
get to do ifhe ever gets his
homework done.

Our daughter is happy in
junior high school. She plays
on all the school teams and
gets good grades.

The biggest challenge she
faces in an average day ts
deciding which scented can-
die to light ro set the mood
for her nightly telephone
marathons.

She claims that the best
thing by far to happen to her
this year hasn’t in fact hap-

“pened vet, but she is really

looking forward to whatever
it is. She is such a positive
kid.

According to my youngest
son, the most interesting
thing that happened to him
in 1997 was having a large
wart removed from his big
toe. He learned a lor this
year, like you can’t leave your
new bike unlocked at the
mall or it will get stolen, and
you can get caught making
crank phone calls.

He and a couple of friends
were involved in a small
explosion while working on a
science project, but we are
pleased to report that he
made it through Grade 6 in
ane piece.

As for me, | am proud to
say that I only gained five
pounds this year, as com-
pared to the seven I gained
last year.

Lalso got a new washing
machine with an extra large
basin, and a plug for my
laundry sink.

Add to that the fact that I
finally identified the source of
the foul smell! in the house (I
found our missing hamster in
a heating vent behind the liv-
ing room couch, unfortu-
nately dead) and you can sce
that I too have had a pretty
good year.

Here’s hoping this letter
finds you and your family

‘enviro: Tevy-

4 wheel brake inspection and veport_

underhood fluid. top up

xternal lights & tire inspection :

tinted ume offer.

letter lament

healthy, and that your
Christmas is filed with happi-
ness.”

I read our family letter to
my husband when E finished
it.

“What do you think?” |
asked him.

“Gee honey,” he said.
“You make it all sound so
good. Do you think anyone
will believe it?”

Oh, I think they might.

— Shannon Humphreys is a
West Vanconver writer.

How are
we doing?

When we fall short of your
expectation, please tell us. When a
newspaper story does not seem to
teflect fairly what was said, let our
editors know. When we ate unable
to solve your complaint, we
encourage you to submit it to the:

BC. Press Council

Box 5414

Victoria, B.C, V8R 684
Tel: (604) 595-2571
Fax: (604) 595-2573

The B.C. Press Council was created in
1983 as an independent review board
to protect the public fram press
inaccutacy or unfairness and to

"

promote quality

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