er,

.. Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
:  forappointments for individual, family or group counselling. His new
office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the
conventence of North Shore residents.

segs

Beware of witch hunts

QUESTION: Are you ap-
prehensive about the rash of
cults that have come to life
in recent years? I mean the
so-called religious cults? It
seems to me they are
potentially very dangerous
and that the proper
authorities should do
something about them. God
knows we have enough to
put up with without a bunch
of brain-washing groups
pushing our way of life off
into some crazy tangent.
There ought to be a whole
lot more opposition to them.
If the authorities don't do
something about the
situation it’s my bet that the
people will rise-up and we'll
have a nasty situation on our
hands. Pm a Christian myself
and I sure don’t want a
whole bunch of crazy groups
luring weak Christians into
their ranks.

STEWART: Here's another
case where I hardly know
whether I am having my leg
pulled. I'd better take you
seriously I suppose. There
was a day when Christians
themselves were considered
cultists and were opposed
and hounded and down-
graded and tossed to the
lions and persecuted by a
rather large majority of the
orthodox middle roaders of
those early days of
Christianity. Christians were
tagged. as blasphemers, non-
believers, enemies, sub-
versives, magicians and a
whole lot of other things.
They were even accused of
being cannibals! (This,
because of Jesus saying, in
connection with some of the
symbolism he shared with his
followers, “Take, eat, this is
my body” etc.) In those days
there was a pretty heavy bit

Takes two to tango

QUESTION: I am an avid
reader of your column and
find your answers right on.
‘However, your recent an-
swer to the man. with the
“non-orgasmic” wife has got
me gritting my teeth and I
would like to air my views on
this matter.

It seems to me the fellow
is quoting statistics to case
HIS guilt. If 60% of women
are indeed, non-orgasmic,
the problem fs his, not hers.
He then shows a lIsck of
responsibility, by saying, “it
fs not important”. Who Is it
not important for? I take it to
mean him. It seems it must
be important to HER. I find
it rather demeaning of him
to undermine her feelings
and desires as unimportant.
Naturally the lack of sexual
release is going to cause
some had feelings and
frustration for her. His
CONCERN fi a help, !
suppose, but his telling her it

Run wild

QUESTION: What tarns a
good vacation into a great
one?

STEWART: Letting your
imagination run wild,
exercising your sense of
wonder; risking new cx-
periences, and sensing your
unison with the universal
flow of LIFE!

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‘you, are

is not important is going to
cause guilt.
The biggest problem lies
in your answer. Why did you
. SHE seek coun-
selling? I can only assume
it as
HER problem. (Alas, more
guilt!). In my view, the
problem is a mutual one.
This is a couple problem and
it angers me that you don't
treat it as such. After all, it
takes two to tango. I would
be most interested in your
reply.

STEWART: Thank you.
You are right. It would have
been better for me to have
suggested counselling for
both of them. Perhaps the
reason I goofed is because I
fecl strongly that the
responsibility for allowing
oneself the privilege of being
orgasmic, is almost totally
one’s own. Just as I feel that
if a man is a premature

of lobbying to get “the
proper authorities to do
something”, just as you are
proposing now.

You asked if I was ap-
prehensive. I certainly am.
But what I am apprehensive
about is the danger that your
kind of ideas might spread so
far and wide that the “proper
authorities” will feel they
should pay attention to you.
As you say, “God knows we
have enough to put up with”
without adding a witch-hunt
of the eighties, properly
computerized, of course.
You want to do something
about cults? The very best
thing you can do about
religious cults is to commit
yourself to making yours
more dynamic and creative
and loving and inclusive and
alive. “So there!”, he said,
with feeling.

ejaculator, the “problem” to
solve is HIS, not hers. the
good old LOVE PRINCI-
PLES are once again a help
to us in this exchange. The
first
THE CHANGE YOU
WANT TO SEE HAPPEN,
RATHER THAN TRYING.
TO CHANGE EVERYONE
ELSE”. If you will grant that
the MAIN responsibility lies
with the person who wants
the change, then I will
happily go along with you in
saying, “BOTH of you get

counselling”.

Qne more thought.. I'm
glad you pointed out the
disadvantages of telling one's
partner, “It is not im-
portant”. The person who
says that is almost certainly
trying to ease the burden of
guilt or inadequacy for the
other person. But you have
pointed out that the very
Opposite can result. Thanks
again.

you really do go
for more!

principle reads: -BE |

response were both quite out
of place in the NORTH
SHORE NEWS. The matter
that was. discussed is a
private, personal, intimate
topic and property . should
not be aired so casually. I
simply want to register my
disappointment. So many

And once more

QUESTION: Pm proud of
you for printing and replying
to the letter about
inorgasmic women. But it
was too short. Why not write
a full article, or series of
articles on the
Goodness knows, enough of
us need it.

STEWART: See above.

fain with

inorgasmic woman, and your

subject. _

C7 -Sunday News, August 3, 1980

to your readers. But this one
went a bit too far.
STEWART: You feel it

“went a bit too far” and I feel
it did not go nearly as far as
it needs to go in order to be
valuable to the many couples
who are concerned about
the subject. However, along

nd “with you, I feel this’ par-
--- ticular“ medium is not the

best one for a full con-
sideration of the subject. It
was for that reason, I
rather than limiting those
who are concerned with the
problem, to a very short
column, which, by its
nature, can only touch the
surface lightly.

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