_ Hayden

Freelance * Counsellor ,

_ Hayden ‘Stewart may be —

reached ‘at - 261-6242 for
appointments for individual, :
family or group counselling. |
His. new office in the Plaza
International! - Hotel {open
Tuesdays. only) is for. the ©
convenience of North Shore
- +esidents.

a

Find your
own wa

Gestion: Do you know
any real good book on the
art of meditating?

STEWART: No, I don’t. I
shy away from “How-To”
books on such things as
meditation, prayer, retreats,
etc. I have a strong feeling
one needs to find his own
, way in such intimate cand
inward experiences.”

However, there is a sather
special book of meditations I

am keen on that may serve,

you well, It is called LET-
TERS OF THE SCAT-
TERED BROTHERHOOD.
It’s edited by Mary Strong.
Another is THE INWARD
JOURNEY by Howard
Thurman.

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North Vancouver -
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West End . 669.1634

Coquitlam 939-3644
Surray 685-4455

- expect of us.

| pore s are grea )

i

QUESTION: - My. parents
‘call themselves permissive..

Nog. that’s not true.. Other

people ‘call them permissive,
but they think of themselves
as.parents who “trust” their

' kids and ‘leave all decisions .

up to the kids.

|, Now in a way I like- that,

;but I've just wakened upto
‘the: fact that. what they are”
», doing to.us is really a subtle:
kind of control. “They say

“]t’s up.to. you”, but we kids ,

“know what they -want and:

So doesn ‘t thet put usin a

“spot ‘where we either have to

do what they want or do

“ _what they DON’T want, even

“if we really want what they
want? A few times I've done.
.. just the opposite to what I
know they expect of me even

» when I've known their idea is
- a good. one.

Can you follow. all that?
It's good to have parents like
- mine, but boy it's-hard too.
. Do you. see what I mean?

QUESTION: The other day I
drove several miles through
right behind a car that

. heads a Demper sticker which

started me thinking. The
bumper sticker said, I'M
O.K., YOU'RE O.K. The
first thought 1 had was that
the driver of that car nuust be
an odd-ball to put up a
sticker saying “I'm OK”. I
laughed to. myself becayse I
was saying to myself that this
fellow was not OK. because
he had a sticker that claimed
he WAS OK!

Well that started the old
brain working and it oc-
curred to. me that I don't

very often feel like saying,

“I'm OK”. Often I'm saying
“I'm NOT OK”, and often
Pm saying “You're not OK”.

I had never been aware of
how often Iam negative and
critical about myself and
others. I would really like to
feel honest about saying “I’m

OK and you're OK”, buat I.

don't honestly feel that way
about myself and I don’t feel

Wednesq
Friday holiaa

STEWART: Yes, L ‘think I.
do. How. would you change
it? Do you_want them to day
‘down ‘the rules for. you?. Do
you want them to hide from_
you the sort of life they
admire and hope’ for in you?

Perhaps the change you'll — -

go.for is-to avoid such
phoniness you" have been
voting for when you go

“against your own choices

~ Just. to avoid. going along
with theirs. If your choices

happen. to coincide. ‘with ~

theirs; that’s so much. gtavy.
That’ sa comfy bonus.

-Make™ your own choices
honestly. When they happen
to go right along with what
you assume your parents

would also choose for you, .
- that’s good. Never. make a-

second rate. choice simply to
oppose your parents. In'such
a-case, the person you really
oppose is YOU!

NOTE TO THE WRITER

OF THE ABOVE LETTER:
On Sunday, May 13, which

that way about most people I
know. How does a person go
about feeling good about
himself and about other
people? :

STEWART: For years. we -

have used those phrases
about being OK. Then came
along Transactional |
Analysis, ~and. soon, Dr.
Thomas Harris and his book.

titled I'M O:K., YOU'RE *+
O.K, Since then the phrase...

has been .used even ‘more .

widely..I am not promoting
T.A., but it’ would make
sense for-you to read the
book. It is on a: topic about
which you are already doing
some thinking.

There is so much to be
said on, this subject which,
cannot ibe said in this -brief

column. Let’ me confine
myself to only one
suggestion.

Draw up a list of your
personal qualities that allow
you, at times, to say,
honestly, “I'm OK!”. Be a bit

Go for
more shopping.

For your convenience...

Park Royal Shopping Centre will be open
‘for evening shopping until 9:00 p.m. on
April 11, due to the Good
falling on Friday, April 13.
Shoppers therefore have two evenings to
April 11 and Thursday, April

Happens to > be Mother’ s Day,
-T’'m scheduling a very special”
FAMILY EVENING WITH
HAYDEN ‘STEWART at
7:30 at the International
Plaza. We'll hope a bunch-of
teen-agers come with a
crowd of assorted parents.

That night we'll talk about
such “problems” as the one
.in. your letter. We'll be
thinking. about how: teen-
agers AND their parents can
explore ways of growing up
“at whateverage.

We're going to explore.

what it means for adults and .
- apprentice-adults

“dependent”
dependent” and “in-
terdependent”, etc. “How to
live with your kids” and

and .“‘in-

‘“How to live with your

parents” will be topics we dig
into with no holds barred.

Spread the word! There'll | ;

‘be a questions-and-answers-
time too. -

Why can’t he feel OK?

generous with yourself in
making ‘the list, because, if
you tend to say, “I’m NOT
OK” quite a bit of the time,
you will “probably short-
change yourself in a list of

your - qualities that- you
consider. admirable -or
worthy.

>. Now, . having the ‘list
before you, pick out two or
“three of those’ good qualities
and deliberately . choose to
improve on them. If you are
happy about your
generosity, or your baking,
or your approach shots, or
syour logic, or your figure, or
your prayer-life or whatever,
get better at those things!

You will find, as you
respect your desire to be
better at what you're already
good at, you will also want to
improve on some aspects of
your life about which you
are not too happy. There is a
starting place for you.

‘to be.

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