34 - Sunday, October 1, 1989 - North Shore News Flirting is the best method to start classroom romance Q. THERE IS a boy in my class that I like, but I don’t know how to tell him. Is it polite just to teli him, or should I write it in a note? Is there a proper manner io do it? Could you help me? A. Please don't write him a fet- ter. Miss Manners does not want to have to deal with your humilia- tion when he shows it around. Showing a person that you like him (Miss Manners presumes we are using ‘“‘like’’ in the sense of budding romance), before you know that he likes you, is in- cautious at any age. So how, you may ask, do mutual likings ever get declared? The answer is that you get an answer non-verbally before you say anything that commits you. This is called flirting. In the case of classmates, this means that you look at him a lot and see if he seems to like looking back in a friendly way. Then you find an ex- cuse to talk about something harmless —- continving a_ class discussion, or asking about an assigned book. If this meets with enthusiasm, you suggest a non- romantic reason for getting together privately — asking for or offering an explanation of some- thing you are both studying, men- tioning a movie or game you were thinking of seeing. The point is to retain, at every step of the way, what diplomats and spies call deniability. In each of the above cases, you can treat your behavior as mere friendliness, occasioned by mutual interests. There should never be clear evi- dence that you care for someone before there is clear evidence that it is mutual. Q. We were watching a football game in the home of my -girliciend’s friend. There was a bowl of nuts on the table. I pro- ceeded to heip myself. However, there was no place to put the shells, so — put them in the nut bowl. Nothing was said, but about a month later, I was told by my girlfriend that the hostess thought my behavior was ‘otally unaccep- : table, that I demonstrated very poor manners by placing the shells in the nut bowl, and that I shoulda’t have esten the nuts anyway, because they were just for decoration. I was embarrassed when ! learn- ed of the fuss that was being made over the situation, as they both thought I was out of line. A. Miss Manners does not think you should be learning manners from people who use food as dec- miss rmnanners Judith Martin oration and send out report cards on their guests. Q. I feel like a prisoner in my own kome. Tam a teacher and I often have work to do after school hours, such as grading papers, preparing assignments and tests, recording grades, writing progress reports and contaciing parents on the tele- phone. I often have to stzy home to carry out this work while my famiiy goes to a movie or some other activity. Today is one such day. Someone rang the doorbell and I decided not to answer. Apparently the caller waited awhile or went around the block, because the bell rang about 10 minutes later. Just as | picked up the thread of my work, it rang again. Can't people realize that if nobody answers, it has to be for one of two reasons? No one is M@ NEW DENTURES @ RELINES @ REPAIRS $ a. Name DENTURE SERVICE R. PALLAi & R. ANDERSON &@ COMFORTABLE SOFT LINERS @ FREE CONSULTATION Office Hours: Monday - Friday 9-5 Telephone 985-2710 6 - 140 West 15th Street, North Vancouver. BC. V7M 1R6 home (and the caller is therefore wasting his time), or someone is home but mus: have a good reason for not answering, which should be respected. Twice in the last few months, I did answer the door, and although I explained politely that ! had school deadlines to meet and that was why I had stayed heme, the callers stayed on while insisting they would only take a few minutes of my time. One was ac- tually stil] here four hours later. My family returned from their cuting tired and hungry, and I had not even had the chance to put some food together, let alone complete my work. So now F don't open the door, but I feel angry, guilty, imposed upon; in one word, unhappy. A friend of mine tells me it is bad manners not to answer the door or the telephone if I am at home. I say the unannounced caller should accept the fact that the time is not right, and then leave or hang up after a few rings and no more than two tries. A. Modern guilt is a wonderful thing. Here you were, home, min- ding your own business, sacrificing your recreation to do your ad- mirable work, hoping to get done in time to feed your little family, and some unlicensed judge of manners has made you feel tnat you did something wrong. Why? Why would you even con- sider the idea that you do not have a right to dispose of your own time in your own house? Miss Manners suggests you learn to ignore or unplug the telephone or put it on an answering machine, and that you ignore or tape over the doorbell. Should you weaken and answer the door, learn to say politely that you are working — while standing firmly in the door- way and blocking the way in. She also suggests you stop taking illicit etiquette advice from interested parties. to provide milk, bread, fruits and vegetables, etc. ..FEED THE HUNGRY IN OUR COMMUNITY ¢ $20 helps us buy a weekly bag of groceries for one family ° $60 helps sustain a family for one month $720 assists that same family for a year Please help those in need. All donations are tax deductible. CLIP AND MAIL WITH YOUR.GIET TODAY . a YES! | want to provide food tor the hungry. uu (] $20 (1 $60 $720 Other $ —--—__—4 == 45 Aadress _. City, Province _____- Postal Code oe THE FOOD BANK 1650 Quebec Street, “(NSN OCT. 1/89, Vancouver, B.C. V6A 3L6 689-3663: § My We are proud to announce the change of our Company name. We discontinued our fran- chise and are now operating under LONSDALE EYEWEAR OPTICAL (formerly London Optical) 25% ALL CONTACT LENSES OFF WITH PRESCRIPTION 122 W. 15th St., N. Vancouver 988-5015 aN M.D. OLEKSYN, Optician Dr. Anthony G. Dunlop, Erce wishes to announce the opening of his practice at the Lynn Valley Medical Clinic 1200 Lynn Valley Road, North Vancouver Phone: 988-5389 Specializing in acute care and minor emergency. Le Petit Montesscri Academy An enriched BILINGUAL PRE-SCHOOL has a few spots for September classes. We offer 4 & 5 day programs for children 3-5 years old. Our school is conveniently located near Lonsdale & Hwy. #1. Now taking registration for the school year 1990/91. ny eter Black, owner of Peter Black & Sons, Master Butchers, is pleased to announce the appointment of Derek Wardas as our Park Royal Store Manager. Derek came to us as a Carson Graham High School food service graduate anci made a career decision to become a Master Butcher. Derek completed his 2V2 year apprenticeship in 1988 and has acted as our assistant manager since then. It is now my pleasure to welcome Derek as my store manager and wish him, and his lovely wife Heather, all the success in the future. PETER BLACK & SONS LTD. ~ MASTER BUTCHERS - PARK ROYAL SOUTH 922-5116 “Where only the best is sold”