Never Hello Dolls! Well bello, Dolly, It’sso nice to have you back where you bel ong, You're lookin’ swell, Dally, We can tell, Dolly 900 THE news that Dolly the sheep was a clone filled Collins’ evil heart with happiness. As everyone must know by new, cloning docs away with sex, which is a crude way of reproduction accompanied by the groans of love and phoney promises. Sex also provides too much slush in movies, plays and poetry. Plus all those sex crimes we hearing about. In the world of the clone everything will be clean and tidy. Just a needle inserted into the right body cells and Bob’s yer Uncle. If uncles are permitted. The cell is poked into the proper place in a female and we then await events. The feminist movement is likely to raise a stink, of course, claiming, that cloning, is another instance of discrimi- Nation against women. They will want to know why men can’t get the needle, too. The Rufous Hummingbird returns tote e: The answer is that we get the needle all the time, cloning or no cloning. As I keep saving, it’s a woman's world. I have no doubt thar cloning complaints will be entered with the Human Rights Commission. Another drawback is that the NDP will probably be in favor of cloning people like Glen Clark, which raises the possibiliry that there would be a Clark on every street corner. A sea of Clarks. That would be daunting. Even one Clark daunts. Right away, the other parties would get into the act, thus adding to the population explosion. Do we really want another thousand Gordon Campbells? Another thousand Preston Mannings? Would the new, cloned Mannings have his funny way of talking and his hairstyle? Would the Gordon Campbells all be a bust? Let us not forget Jean Chretien’s lopsided grins, either. As he says, God gave him that look. But if he were cloned, there would be a whole clutter of Chretiens and it would be those who don't have that look who would atk North Shore gardens in early-March = Now is the time to attract the early birds to ‘your garden, and co provide them with a breeding territory. For assistance in attracting these epost ” living jewels, talk to one of our certified bisdfeeding specialists. ~~ Wild Bitds Unlimited” “Another drawback is that the NDP will probably be in favor of cloning people like Glen Clark, which raises the possibility that there would be a Clark on every street corner. A sea of Clarks.” with a clone look unusual, if vou follow me. But you can ignore God. There will be no need tor him when we can all play God and have ourselves cloned. Ir’s likely, too, that all the H-bombs manufacturers could be copied. O brave new world that has such peuple in it, as the Bard said. There would be prospects on the homosexual Font, too. A whole new human race could be cloned that way. Which would be the end of us. Good thing. No more wars. No more phoney refugees. The whales would be saved and the forests preserved. The national debt would be gone and the Garden of Eden recreated. Where the bee sucks, . there suck I. Except that . in the above scenario I wouldn’t exist, cither. Hold the applause, please. It might be, of course, that Yahweh would | puta new Adam and a new Eve on the ment, plus another apple tree. In which case this vale of tears would be started all over again. Also on the down sidc, there might be some social problems. The expests say that Dolly had no father and no mozher. So if Dolly were a girl, or for that matter a boy, would he or she be welcome in polite com- any? Don’t laugh at the thought of a Dolly being a boy. Former traditions mean nothing. Just look at the hair styies. Men can have hair down their backs and women can be cropped short. All very confusing from behind, when everyone is wearing, pants Something else. It used to be that a person born “illegiti- mately” was 2 bastard. The nobility had bastards al over the place. So did the ignobility. oe the Dollies of the furure have no father and no mother, wouldn't they be bastards twice over? Don’t get tnad. Pm just trying to work things out. Finally, 1 think PI have myself cloned. That would keep my letter writers in a constant state of excitement even when I have gone to the big newspaper in the sky. All is not lost. 9009 Doug to Grey Eyes: “What's for dinner tonight?” Grey Eyes to Doug: “Doliy.” — The North Shore News believes strongly in freedom of speech and the right of all sides in a debate to be heard. The columnists published in the News present differing points of view, but those views are not necessarily those of the newspa- i Defieux-Saxelby Insurance Services Inc. 105-200 West Esplanade. 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