Hay Stewart may be'-
-veached:. at © 261-6242 © for™
‘appointments for individual,
family-or group counselling.

His new office in the Plaza
‘international _ Hotel (open
Tuesdays. only) is for the
convenience of North: ‘Shore »
residents... .

Lovers
all
are we

QUESTION: Do you believe
one has to be capable of
loving... himself/herself,
before: being capable of
loving others?

STEWART: I wish you ha
said more in your letter.
find myself wondering if this
is something you are thinking
through in relation to your-
self or whether you are.
wanting a theory discussed
in this column.

In the first place, 1 am
convinced that we are all
capable of leving ourselves
and others. However, for any
one of: a multitude of
reasons, or excuses, some of
us refuse to allow our
capabilities the opportunity
to be exercised.

Some of us have been
taught early in life to deny
our capabilities or to control
them so effectively that they
tend to alrophy over the
years. This, of course, makes
it quite likely that such a
person finds it most difficuh
10 enjoy himself with respect
and gratitude.

Once he gets into that

*

spot, he finds it most difficult
to imagine that anyone would
love him, and so, of course,
he witholds his owa capabil-
ity for loving lest) he
himself rejecied.

find

QUESTION: Im afraid I am

Counsellor

a very critical person and:I
. don’t appreciate that trait in
‘me very much. I feel good-
- about: myself, but-I'am quite
judgmental of. others. It
seems to me that. to judge
‘another person is . quite
justifiable a lot of. the time.

After all, some people are

_ not very ‘admirable. and it is

“hypocritical to withold one’ 8 ,
a opinion: of. them. ae

But what bothers me is

that I think I have fallen into’

the habit of being critical.
It’s simply easy to do and I -
do ita lot.

"QUESTION: 1 am fourteen.
years of age and have never
been to bed with a boy. Most

. of the girls I know have. Am I

too inhibited or are they too
Sexy?

1 must admit I am not
anxious to have sex but I feel
sort of funny about being

_ “the last girl in our block’’. I

guess it’s sort of a morals
thing with me.

I've had ‘the idea it’s

. wrong, but man, if it’s wrong

there are a lot of wrong girls
in the gang I know. Should I
stick to my morals and be

thought queer, or should I try
it?

. STEWART:

“The other day a. very good

friend. of mine who was

actually just discussing a
book, said that no one: can

think very highly of himself if —
he is. habitually critical of his

fellow man,

Now I question that,
because if I were not also

‘ excessively modest-.1--would:
admit that I think. very highly —
of myself ‘and, ‘at the same™
time, as TF have ; said,;-I am |
very critical ‘of others. What -

‘are your comments, please?

1 tend 18 go
along.with your friend. If you

STEWART:” There will be.

people who think you are.
queer whether you go one
way or the other. So, what
that says to me is forget all
about what people are telling
you to. do or not to do and

give .to yourself a very
attentive respectful listen.

1 think you have already
heard your higher self sayto
you,*‘It’s not your time, my

friend, just wait a bit and~

get to know yourself a bit,
there's lots of time’’.

That’s really enough for
you to hear. But if you feel
you want to hear more, talk
with someone you admire
and respect. It’s very difficilt

Dependent —

on pay cheque

QUESTION: (This question
was asked at the last
“Evening with Hayden
Stewart”, but we lacked time
togettolt.) .

1 am financially hemmed
in to my present. cir-
cumstances, in which | am
presently unhappy. The
change I want to see happen
is so close, yet it is ‘just

beyond my grasp. I feel
helpless in changing my
reality as long as | am

dependent on my next pay
cheque, which doesn't
permit me any additional
freedom.

What do you suggest in a
situation like that?

STEWART: | learn from
your question that you feel
“hemmed in”, “helpless” and
“dependent”, so I would
suggest that, first of all, you

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study carefully the “Trust
Principles” and “The Ex-
pectancy Principles”. (If you
don't have them, let me
know and I'll mail them to

you.)

Tiien, for a week or two,
put on hold thy main change
you want in yourself that you

say “is just beyond my
grasp”.
For now, accept that

assessment as a part of your
reality. The change is
(presently) beyond your
grasp. So, let it stay there for
a while.

Meanwhile, keep it in the
picture as a part of your
abundant expectancy rather
than as a_ specific ex-
pectation,

Now then, being less eager
about MAKING something

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| are as critical as you-say, yet -
think highly of —

claim to
yourself, 1 would suggest:a.
long slow look at yourself.

You listed three things in
your letter that are critical of

yourself. ‘*I don’t appreciate.

that trait in me’, ‘‘what

fallen into the ‘habit ‘of being

critical”, and, you said you

are -' “excessively” modest”

(You may not ‘see that ‘as.
self-criticism, but.I do.) So”

you've already told us three
things you do-not admire.in

you. a

to talk ovér such a vitally

‘important matter with one of
your peers because most of

your peers are experiencing

. the-very’ same pressure as

you are. They may talk to you
with seeming confidence and
decisiveness yet feel just as
unsettled as you do, Your
very best confidamie is
yourself. But ‘if you want
another be very choosy.

One other thing. When-
ever you are wrestling with
such an important matter it’s
a good idea to give yourself
permission to simply wait for
a while before you decide.

Slow down. You’ve livéd
14 years without having to

happen, give yourself
permission to start “being”
some other changes you
want.

You want to be free of
being hemmed in don't you?
You want to be free of being
dependent and _ helpless,
right? So, start being THOSE
changes! You are NOT
helpless you know, so stop
telling yourself you are and
choose otherwise.

You, have trained yourself
through the years to believe
that prosperity is not for
you. Perhaps it is! ‘Are you
open to that "possibility?
Start being un-helpless and
un-hemmed-in and un-
dependent and be willing to

accept prosperity = for
yourself, On you, it may
look good!

‘perhaps, is a

~-

Perhaps it would be use ful ee

to you to” examine

-that what you
don’t like in’ yourself, or,

reflection Gf what you are
afraid is potentially present

in you and dangerously close —
- to > asserting itself i in you.
bothers -me is -that I- have —

make. this decision. What's s
another six months or two
years? Be kind to yourself—
no pushing for a decision.
Incidentally I kind of like
where you’re at right now.
Hang in there!

and West'Vancouver.

2nda_ floor
1139 Lonsdale

North Vancouver

‘the -
_ Mirroring theory. lt has been
suggested”

mirrored °

Take a good honest look ~
and choose to deal with what *
you see that is: objectionable _
_ to you. ,

it?

oF
b -
ee)

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