ete sa, : a Graphic Cameron Bird
“KMOCK DOWN them bridges, and to hell with.'em,”’ barked an

: ‘elderly gentieman.|-encountered one sunny day on the seawall.
“Nothin’-but drug pushers, criminals, and welfare cheats over
2 there!’ ° ;

‘Top 10 reasons not to go overtown

1) THE WORLD really is flat and 5) You might run into Murray

disappears precisely at the south Pezim..  .

ends of the Second Narrows and “6) Your mother doesn’t want you

Lions Gate bridges. to.
i 7) The B.C. Lions play there.

8) Nardwuar The Human Serviette

fives in’ West Vancouver.

9) All the wildlife is in the Stanley

Park Zoo.

10) It is inhabited with people

from Vancouver. ,

2) Terry © David -.Muiligan might
“accost you on live TV. ;

3) Mike Harcourt lives there.

4) Six ‘points.on your driver’s
licence for. every bike courier you
hit. woe :

PLUS MORE!

As an appreciation to our customers, we're
having a “2nd Set of Prints Free” sale.

12 exposures 3° / 2 sets

24 exposures G® / 2 sets
36 exposures 40" / 2 seis

1 Hour Service is $2:00 extra. 135 mm or 110mm colour print tim only.
You will receive 2 sets of 4"x6" glossy prints for the very fow prices shown
above.

Sunday, November 1

A good number of locals suffer from
the fearful affliction of “Overtownitis’

Vancouver is just like granola;
once you take away the fruits and
nuts, all you have are the flakes.
-An anonymous North Shore resi-
dent.

By A.P. McCredie
News Reporter

THE NORTH Shore is 750
metres from Vancouver at
their closest point (Burns
Point to Barnet Marine
Park).

In other ways, however, the two
areas might as well be 234,000,000
Metres apart — the distance West
Vancouver is from the moon.

I have lived more than 750
metres from Vancouver for less
than a year.

In that. time { have come in
contact with a good number of
locals: who suffer from a fearful
affliction known: to some as
Overtownitis.

Or, the fear of leaving the
North Shore for the wilds of
downtown Vancouver, Or for that
matter, downtown anywhere.

In recatling weekend activities to
born and bred North Shore resi-
dents, a nervous facial tic in-
evitably crawls across their
creaseless faces when I mention
that { visited friends in Van-
couver.

While covering a tax-revolt
story earlier this year, I crossed
paths with an elderly woman who
claimed, quite proudly, that she

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15 cards or less
15-30 cards

30-50 cards
50 cards or more

60%ea.
50° ex

Greeting cards available at Park & Tilford location only!
Allow three days for completion.

4&4 I crossed paths with an elderly
woman who claimed, quite proudly, that
she had not set foot in Vancouver
proper for 15 years. 99

had not set foot in Vancouver
proper for 15 years.

‘“No reason to ‘go there,’’ she
clucked, stirring her boiling water.
“Although I do miss shopping at

Woodward's. By the way, when

are they going to finish cleaning

the big W? I miss it.””

But Overtownitis is a most in-
discriminate mistress, tormenting
both young and old, rich and
poor.

A 24-year-old friend 1 spoke
with recently told me_ that
everything she needed was on the
North Shore.

“*Besides,’’ she drawled, ‘‘last
time I was at a club over there
(said with all the inflection of a
four-letter word), 1 didn’t see one
person I knew. Gross, eh?””

Deep Cove is also 384,000,000
metres from the moon.

Seemingly strong-of-mind-
and-body individuals turn into
‘slavering, wild-eyed lunatics at the
mere mention of ‘going Over-
town,’’.

Hone Chk be ny ete fs

They glimpse the world through
Shore-colored glasses, viewing the
yawning expanse of the Lower
Mainland as merely a_ nice
backdrop to their living-room-
window view.

An admittedly sadistic game I
have enjoyed since residing here
has been to drive unknowing
North Shore friends along the
Lion Gate Bridge entrance lanes
on Marine Drive, only to veer into
the through lane just before the
point of no return. co

The look of sheer terror, and
sight of sheer sweat, is priceless.

Many hide their symptoms with
preposterously . well-maintained
claims: ‘‘Those bridges -aren’t
safe’; “I'll get robbed’; “What
if 1 run into Jean Claude Van
Damme?’’ .

Likewise, facts pointing toa
diminishing quality of life on the
North Shore (ie. waiting more
than five minutes for a public ten-

See First page 45