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Scents and nonsense

THE NUT capital of
the world gave us hip-
pydom, political cor-
rectness, homosexual
“rights”, large quanti-
ties of AIDS, special
bars for perverts, the
international version of
Greenpeace, and the
worst cups of tea in cre-
ation.

Plus hot gospellers, drive-
by shootings, porn of every
variety and poets like Allen
Ginsburg.

I refer.to the Great State
of California, which is get-
ting into more of a state by
the day. And especially to

~ San Francisco, which has
forsaken St. Francis, its
patron saint and name-giver.

In San Francisco they
now have a pressure group

’ that is trying to outlaw scent.
’ Scent is bad for you, say the
anti-scent Nazis.

It’s not bad for me
because I never use the stuff.

_ My critics insist, though, that

* -you can smell me a mile

away. My armpits are always
in a healthy condition and I
have been told that] some- -
times have the odor of a
horse.

. When I was in the army
everyone was in the same
condition, especially after
. long marches, which was
why the Brylcreem Boys in
the air force called us the
Pongos. But that was scent
too, of a kind.

Anyway, being a liberal I

ot

Dou
Collins

on the

; other hand

have nothing against scent.
Grey Eyes uses a little of it,
possibly for protective pur-
poses,

In the same way, { don't
mind smokers as long as they
don’t actually blow fumes
into my face. I don't even
mind alcoholics as long as
they don’t fall off their chairs
during dinner and take the
plates with them.

We liberals know that
nothing is safe from the rav-
ages of the peevish, the fad-
lovers, special interest
groups, Glen Clark and other
pests.

Even so, it was surprising
to see that there is a move-
ment to ban scent.

The news about the war
on scent was transmitted the
other night on W5 and one of
the main characters in the
program was a rugged-look-
ing fem teacher in San
Francisco who certainly
looked anti-scent.

Scent made her ill, she
said, and kids who used per-
fume were sent to the back

serrate racemase eter te

of the class. Even going into
chass was difficult for her.

To other kinds of the dis-
advantaged, therefore. we
must now add the “scent-dis-
advantaped.”

You can be sure that a
scent prohibition party will
appear in British Columbia.
It is only a matter of time.

in San Francisco a
woman has even been award-
ed $10,000 compensation
because she was upset by
scent in an apartment build-
ing.

There is a $200,000 law-
suit pending against 10 per-
fume manufacturers, and
other legal actions are in the
works. Scent has the smell of
money abcut it.

Some of those inter-
viewed on the program
looked like space men in gas
masks, so anxious were they
nol to be contaminated. And
they are determined to
destroy the perfume industry.

This new disease has a
name, It's called “olfactary
sensitivity.”

People who are scent-
handicapped get depressed.
said a sympathetic psychia-
trist.

Well. people who are not
scent-handicapped also get
depressed. I get depressed.
And as I keep saying, there
isn’t a scintilla of scent on me.

I get depressed when I
think about scented politi-
cians, and although [ have
never sniffed in his vicinity it
wouldn't surprise me if
Svend Robinson wore scent.

rratlbex

N. Van's wasted waterfront

Dear Editor:

David Sadler cannot
believe North Van’ District
Council's wanting to “give
away” public waterfront land
(News Feb, 21). Sadler should
believe it. It follows a long pat-
tern of the district’s squander-
ing much of the finest water-
front land in» Canada. What
about the priceless open site at
the foot of Lonsdale, now

- given to a tacky mall and the
most ugly public building in
Canada? What about the coal

- loading decks and coal storage
-yards, voted in by the citizens
as it would provide 12 jobs?

The only waterfront pre-
served for the public is Cates
Park, only there because of a
family, not North Van District
or its citizens.

This is why West
Vancouverites have trouble
finding. room in their parks,

1 WYLARB
LAUNBROMAT|
"4 Newly renovated |f
of Large capacity
washers & dryers [f
Convenient hours jj
Drop off service |

3093 Woodbine Dr.
North Vancouver

985-0606 _|

beaches and seafront walks:
they are cluttered up with
North Vancouverites who
never had the foresight, collec-
tively, to safeguard their own
waterfront, and to save no
more of their magnificent river
banks than the early settlers set
aside 80 years ago.

KEN BAXTEI

LAWYER
25 Years
Fxperionce

North Vancouverites never
did care enough to save what
they had and they never will.
The district is still selling off
assets, land — their capital if
you will — to pay current
expenses,

Neil Thompson
West Vancouver

LONSDALE QUAY
NORTH VANCOUVER

988-6321

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People who go around
with their knees hanging out
of their pants depress me.
too. So do men who wear
their hair in curlers.

Could [sue them, do you
think?

You'll be pleased to hear.
1 hope, that an American sei-
entist said there was not the
slightest evidence that scent
is harmful. (Unless it’s to
males who swoon when a
deliciously scented pretty girl
appears on the scene,
say.)

Let's hope the scientist
tells that to the judge. Not

that it will necessarily do any -

good, There are lots of
strange judges around these
days: anti-tabacco judges,
pro-homosexual judges and
judges who can’t judge. So
it's likely that anti-scent
judges are lurking in wait.

Be warned, perfume
industry.

Ere the year is out you
may be the target of whole-
page ads paid for by the
grant supported Anti-Scent
League of Canada.

LYNN
VALLEY
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