DouG
COLLINS

LAST WEEK I received news from Shaw Cable that caused
me to pop. Ié is, of course, quite easy to make me pop. But
on some occasions it is easier than others. And the Shaw

item was one of them.

They sent this jazzy bunch of
propaganda, you see, in an ‘‘elec-
trove mail’? envelope. Would have
tossed it into the slush bucket
without further thought, except
that 1 wondered who wanted to get
in touch with me ‘‘electronically.””

The police, perhaps? Aziz Khaki
of the Committee for Racial!
Justice? The Attorney General?
The Cats’ Home?

As mentioned above, it was
Shaw Cable, a company that may
make me pop but is not at the top
of my popularity fist, especially
since it crimped the Great Debate
on Immigration.

The gist of the message was that
all kinds of goodies were coming
my way. If } didn’t want them, ail
I had to do was to send them their
kindly enclosed card. If I didn’t
send them the card, the smali sum
of $2.95 would be added to our
monthly bill, and lucky old Doug
would enjoy a feast of additional
channels.

Listen, Shaw,
this viewer didn’t
ask fer nothin’.
And I am not at
all sure that you
shouldn't be
prosecuted for
spreading false
news...”

This is a strange way of doing
business. Would a grocery store
dump a basket of groceries at your
front door and put the cost on
your Visa if you dida’t return
them? Would a haberdasher drop
off hats or socks in the same way?

(“Dear customer, you have
never seen such a wonderful hat as
this. The socks, too, are out of this
world. If you don’t want them,
just fill in the enclosed card. And
be sharp about it. Otherwise you
will be stung for these great offer-

ings at the end of the month.”’)

Shaw played a similar trick on
its suffering captives last year. We
were told that three channels were
being added — purely for our en-
joyment, of course — and that
whether we wanted them or not it
would cost us a dollar a month.

There were screams from the
outraged citizenry, but it made no
difference. And from that day to
this, Grey Eyes and I have never
once switched on one of those
unasked-for delights. Couldn't
even tell you what they are.

There is enough bull-manure in
the present plan to daunt the
keenest agriculturalist.

“Great News About Your Cable
Service!”’ says the headline on the
electronic mail.

On yeah?

“Shaw Cable is picased to an-
nounce an exciting new addition to
your cable service!”’

Really?

“Through a special arrangement
with the networks, we are now
providing you with six of our most
popular satellite services —
without the aid of a descrambler.”

If you ask me, someone should
descramble their arrogance.

There is also the news that
“viewers asked for more selection,
and Shaw Cable responds with the
new FULL CABLE SERVICE
concept.””

Listen, Shaw, this viewer didn’t
ask fer nothin’. And I am not at
all sure that you shouldn’t be pro-
secuted for spreading false news,
just like Ernst Zundel, because I’ve
asked around the block and
couldn’t find a single soul who
asked for more selection.

We were also informed that
there has been a warm reception to
cable packaging in Saskatchewan.

I don’t care about Saskat-
chewan. That’s one of the places I
stay away from.

it is by no means certain, either,
that Shaw’: new offerings are
worth a busted transistor.

For example: I wouldn’t care if
the Nashville Network of Country
Music were drowned in the Alaska
oil spill. Ditto the Cable News
Network, which Shaw describes,
with typical TV modesty, as ‘‘the
world’s most important.’’

There is already too much news.
and most of it is bad. We do not
want to find more people in their
apartments with their throats cut.

You are a blot on the horizon,
Shaw, a pebble in my shoe, and fit
only for a study by unemployed
sociologists. And don’t send me
any more ‘‘electronic mail.’’@
SER

9 ~ Wednesday, April 12, 1989 - North Shere News

~ \
Woolco
Correction Notice

Re: Full Scale Sale Ad Flyer that
appeared April 12, 1989.

Due to circumstances beyond our

contro! the following iterns will not

be available:

— item #3715 Corning 2L Tea
Service

— Ladies “Levis” Imperfect
Jeans at 19.95

Woolco sincerely segrels any

inconvenience that this may cause

its customers.

Wiiteo

LORMOTIVE

Coli
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\

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