“s.. She. hopes she isn’t intruding, but feels ont a and sis are still part of hubby DEAR MISS MANNERS — I am divorced from my on- ly child’s father. She lives with her father, but spends a great deal of time with me, also. He is remarried and so ami. 7 miss manners “by. Judith Martin ; After’ the divorce, he remained very friendly with my family, ex- changing Christmas presents, etc. When: he remarried, about a year ago, he ceased all contact. Today, my sister showed me a ‘letter from his wife addressed to -my mom and sister in which his wife apologizes for failure to write. - ". daughter is kept in close contact sooner,’ tells them her husband loves them very dearly (then why ‘didn’t! he write the letter?)’ and » Wants to stay in contact but ‘‘for ‘obvious reasons, has been reluc- gots on’ to say ‘that she ad the reasons are. not obvious . and daughter’s family, and she would love to meet them and they are welcome in their home any time for any reason, Then she writes that mom is the only grandparent my daughter has left, and how daughter adores my sis and talks about taem often. Miss Manners, I see (o it that my with. all of my family. These “sentences ‘smack of my daughter losing contact with her ~ only grandparent, if ties to her and’ ex- hubby aren't bound! Does this give _ : one permission to comment? New wife’s closing lines say that ‘she ‘hopes -she - hasn’t offended. Well, she hast : . How can we (sis and I — mom did not see the letter because she is hospitalized with a serious illness) let her know: | 1. She has offended. 2. She has intruded. 3 She is very tacky to have writ- ten. We don’ t want to be tacky ourselves. GENTLE READER — Miss Manners trusts that you and your sister are having a wonderful time sneering at this timid attempt at civility. Now will you please cut it out? Perhaps you can think of an unpleasant motive for this offer, but Miss Manners can only imag- ine two courses of events that led to the writing of the letter: 1. Your ex-husband, afraid that your family would not care to meet his: second wife, has stifled his fondness for them, but has now been convinced by her that they would understand that she was anxious to secure their friendship for the sake of the child. 2. The wife tried at first to cut: off-her husband’s relationship with his ex-in-laws, but has come to be convinced that it is not in his or the child’s best interests, and is humbling herself to re-establish it. Miss Manners is not requiring your. family to take him back into their good graces, although she does not see why. his remarriage should bother them if the divorce READY TO FINISH woop FURNITURE -SOcamer the Biles. Chest - $79.95 Ch es teees + $54.95 WE MANUFACTURE OUR FURNITURE. _,JHATMEANS YOUBUY DIRECT & SAVE! Baby Changers : ; Nursery Furniture Stools, ‘ Buffets & Hutches Tables & Chairs ‘Bookcases | : 25 YEARS EXPERIENCE- FREE, . EASY PARKING itself did - not. But she Srongly 41 - Sunday, May 4, 1986 - North Shore News It pays to keep family ties recommends that your sister write a civil letter thanking her for the overture. She may then add, if she wishes, that ‘“‘the circumstances’ (do not, repeat not, explain what they are) make them unable to ac- cept her kindness. If it will make you feel any bet- ter, your sister could slip in the sentence, ‘‘Fortunately, we do see a great deal of Gretchen through - her mother.” DEAR MISS MANNERS — I en: | joy my job — at a large corpora- Gon — and do whatever is required of me, and maybe a little more. . However, employees (usually women), feel they have to put on birthday par- ties for their bosses (usually men), exchange gifts at Christmas and - bring chocolate eggs or whatever at’ Easter. One of the secretaries is even helping her -boss’s grown daughter with a 25th anniversary party for her parents, by inviting 1,000 of their closest friends from work. The daughter had to enlist the help of the secretary because she did not know: who those * speak to teachers’ -Eliquette it, Public Speaking 0 0. _Deportment, Self Image, Motivation f°". Introduction to Business. Sk Telephone Techniques Telephone: 922-9589 many of the’ ‘Thursday, May 8, from r: 30- 9: 30 Ps * see work by the: students "find out more.about this unique alternative (our next Open House is on Monday, - ‘dune 2. from 7:30-9:30 p.m.) | “Tuesday, May 13, at 8: 00 p. m. * Dr. Vs ner Glas, founder and director of the. Waldorf Institute of Mercy College in Detroit; : will speak-on the subject:. 2 Stages of Inner,and’ Outer Grouith, and the 7 Development of | Values.” * - Admission to: both events is free. The Vancouver Waldorf School 985- 7435: (2725 St. Christophers Road North Van Opening tcl 1986 6 month course subjects include: . Basic. Cookery/ine Knowledge. . ub ¢ Conti There i is a'need for. attention’ to’be focused on: ° (a) The graduate'student has one year before: university entrance. * (b) The graduate who may. not wish. to ‘contiriue academic study but te a quires direction for her talents in other areas. (c) Mature students who wish to return to the: job market: Registration Open | Now. tained from the school Director, ‘Mai Mackenzie friends were. I like my boss and enjoy a friendly business relationship with him. But Iam not his mother, wife or close friend. I feel that personal celebrations should be left up to the iudividual and intimates to celebrate or ignore as they may wish. I have enough trouble trying to remember the birthdays of my husband, children, parents. Am I wrong in feeling that a business ‘setting is inappropriate for personal special occasions? GENTLE READER. — Miss Manners agrees with you totally. — As aj matter. of. fact, she will probably do so ‘at ex-" jhaustive length in a book one of ’ these days, in the hope of convinc-. ing all these people, bosses as well ‘as secretaries, that this is not in any of their best interests. Meanwhile the best you can do; if you are ever asked to contribute to these activities, is to repeat in a good-natured tone that sentence about having enough trouble remembering -your family’ and friends’ birthdays. THE VANCOUVER > WALDORF SCHOOL ‘K-12, -m. .- Handwriting skis ~ Make-up Application Career Counselling Messages: 922-8795.