Bob Hunter

® strictly personal e

CHRISTMAS is a great time to tell postal hor-
ror stories, especially with one little gang of

philatelic terrorists,

disguised as unionists,

threatening to hijack Santa’s parcels.

1 wish to hell they
WOULD strike before
Christmas. That might give
the Mulroney government
| the impetus to move the
privatization of the mails
up to somewhere near the
top of the agenda.

Why wait five years?
Everyone knows that
nothing will happen except
that Canadians will have to
put up with another half-
decade of shoddy service

and outrageous prices, with ~

f bureaucratic bungling and
arrogance at every turn.

In the end, Jean-Claude
Parrot and his minions will
never let go of an inch of
turf, nor will they, under
‘any circumstances, accept
rollbacks in their lifetime
job guarantees and swollen
benefits. Management at
the Post Office: has long
since lost control and has
no way of getting it back.
There you have it.

One of the few sectors of
the economy that is boom-
ing is the courier business.
Little wonder,

4 <A few years ago, I

almost never used a
courier. Now, I use them
MOST OF THE TIME. It
is simple arithmetic.

Let us say | have a letter
that has to get to Toronto.
If I send it regular mail,
well, forget it. Might get
there a week from now.
Special delivery costs $2.30

. and my experience is
that it will arrive some-

where within two to four
days. Whoopee.

The solution, the Post
Office will tell you, is to
use their Priority Post
system with guaranteed
overnight delivery. You
can only send envelopes,
mind you. It casts $8.95 to
send a small one, $9.75 to
send a bigger one. No
parcels.

If I decide to use private
service like Priority Air
Express (PAE), it costs me
a flat $12, but I can send a
parcel if I like, and the best
part is, for the extra couple
of bucks, the courier will
come to my place and pick
up the stuff, saving me the
drive to the Post Office
and the ordeal in the line-

up.
Locally, 1 shuttle a lot of
written material between
the North Shore and
downtown Vancouver. To
send a letter Special
Delivery across the Lion’s
Gate Bridge costs just as
much as sending it to
Toronto, right? Think
about the logic of THAT!
ft will still take at least a
day, sometimes two, to ar-
rive. If I hire a courier like
C:alco, on the other hand,
it will cost me $3 to have
the letter delivered in three
hours. For an extra 70
cents, in other words, I
save at least a day’s delay.
And if | am really in a
hurry, | pay $3.50 for
delivery within an hour and

Scuba Claus
Christmas Wish Sale

a half. For $4.50, Gelco }
delivers within 45 minutes!

These companies are in-
tensely competitive, which
is what makes them such a
joy to deal with. The cus-
tomer is back in the
driver's seat.

But here's what got me
really riled: 1 had a parcel
of presents to send
overseas. It was a_ big
parcel. I wasn’t particular-
ly astonished when the |
postal clerk said: ‘*‘No
way!’ Okay. I should have
known there’d be some
regulation. What's the size
limit?

He pulled out a piece of
twine “two meters long.”
The parcel couldn’t be any
wider and longer than that.
So ! marched home and
rewrapped everything on a
smaller scale, not quite as
well protected. I measured
the parcel very, very
carefully, as you can imag-
ine. In metric, yes. What
could I do? The Tories
weaseled out on that one,
didn’t they?

I got back to the Post
Orifice (as I jokinginly call
it now) and handed in the
parcel. the clerk muttered:
“This is gonna be close.’’
Out came the twine. Guess
what? {t didn’t reach the
end of my parcel! ‘‘I’m
sorry,'' he said.

Your correspondent
became apoplectic,
demanding that a proper
ruler be used. Sullenly,
someone hauled out a tape
measure. Guess what
again? It turned out the
official twine the posties
had been using was two
centimetres short!

te

Neighbor extinguishes

AN APARTMENT dweller’s
cries of ‘Fire’? brought a
quick reaction from a
neighbor Tuesday.

A North Vancouver resi-
dent on the third floor of
Plaza Towers apartment
complex had oil on the stove
to make donuts, but the oil
caught fire.

A neighbor came running
to the rescue after hearcing

the occupant's screams just
after 5 p.m.

Py

I 44
ms oS

Dr. Timothy Gould

is pleased to announce the opening
of his Dental Office for the practice of

Periodontics

at .
Suite 805 - 805 West Broadway
Tuesdays to Thursdays Hours by Appointment

Saturdays
875-1822

7 colours to choose from oak or pine finish
Solid Pine suites only $499 includes dresser, huteh & hy boy

Ask us about .

EVERBEST’S DISPLACEMENT SOLUTION

international |

, waterbeds

_ EVERBEST'S
INDEPENDENT
HYDRAULIC

3292 E. Broadway, Vancouver
255-8486
cam

Budget terms available 0.A.C. = .

Stock up now for the holidays
— you can't beat the savings! /

er ENGINE . : = é 1, on ee J
| ANTI FREEZE $G°%: wet POTATO CHIPS $409 :

A spectacular one-day sale where Scuba Claus
will grant your every diving gear wish

Examples of savings:
Brooks Seasult

Reg. $900
Christmas wish

sale price

Seatec Stab Jackets

599

&

EROS

oo icant SPECIAL 200
h BUNDLED g

| FIREWOOD ¢

f (approx. 25 Ibs.)
SPECIAL

MOHAWK
WINDSHIELD
WASHER
ANTI-FREEZE
f 4 Litres SPECIAL

eg.
Christmas wish
sale price
Casio 200 Meter Solar
Divers Watch
Reg. $139.95 :
Christmas wish
sale price §795°

Lots of stocking stuffers

One day only, Saturday
December 14
9:30-6:00 p.m.

Reg. $1.59

299 Capilano

Divers
Supply

1236 Marine Dr. N.V.
986-0302

(no tax)

a This Mohawk Bonus Buck entitles the
bearer to $1.00 off next gasoline pur-
Lf
| Best wishes for a
SEASO § Merry Christmas & Happy New Year
en ae A Tf

NCHAWK NORTH VANCOUVER)

tna ;
69 Pet aes es eee
per gas purchase only.
351 West 3rd Street Manager: Soony Chu Phone: 987-3030

MOHAWK a) 0
Redeemable only at Mohawk North Vancouver.
SERVICES: Full & Self-Serve/Used Oi! Disposal/Auto supplies/

-
BONUS BUCK
Expires Dec. 31, 1985.
Hot & Coid Snacks/Convenience Store.