40 - Sunday, September 13, 1992 — North Shore News help work out the conflict |7 330 ' LIFESTYLES Mediator may be able to MY FORMER husband and f have been divorced for five years. We have two children, now aged eight and 13, both of whom have lived with me since the separation. My former busband bas liberal sccess to the children snd we all settled into a routine after approx- imately one year which has work- ed ows fairly weil. Basically, he saw the children every Sunday and we divided holidays. He was also pretty good about giving me notice about special eveats in advance and we would make arrangements to accommo- date those events that arose. There has been a lot of give and take on both sides. Approximately three months ago, owever, my former husband began «dating 8 woman much - younger than himself who has one child of ber own, approximstely - ‘five years old. My former husband fs com- pletely token with this ‘woman who. is totally irresponsible and ‘has. mo sense of organization whatsoever. For. example, she might get it into her mind that she wants to go away for the weekend and my former hushand will call up Fri- HUGH STARK KIRSTIE MACLISE perhaps the two of you can work through the problem by yourselves or with the aid of a mediator. Mediators are independent third parties.who help people to try and resolve their own disputes. The mediator does not give legal ad- _. fh Ido not really want to take my former husband to : court but I am getting tired of putting up with his new ae : day night and cancel Sunday. ac- cess.and then wants to make it up * .on a Saturday. - - If Liet bim de that thes he. will "not take the children to their regu- lar, wetivities that I have planned . for Saturdays #3 the new girlfriend , usually... wants ‘to. take . her . five- : ‘year-old ‘somewhere else. : “! The. children. are. quite upset’ by. ‘this teo~ as; of ‘course, it affects : . the routine. that they’ have come fo - Recept. . ¥ Ido sot ‘really want to’ ‘take my 7 former husband to. court but Fam, - ‘getting tired of putting ‘up with his’. ‘new fady’s: ‘whims: Do ou have-. any suggestions for me? a ‘If you have-not already done... . '50,- you should. approach; ‘your = ‘former - husband, . when . your’ children are not present, and ex> _plain :to ‘him -your,. concern ‘over “- “the: changes. in his: manner: of, ex- ”. rcising BeCess | in the ‘Tecent nonths. : You should: also: explain to him. ‘the effect:that it is having.on the. ‘lives of: the children and yourself. AS you. have. been successful ae ‘over. the last five years in working - out. “arrangements with: him, - tady’s. whims. ” vice to either spouse but guides discussions between the spouses in an attempt to work through issues and problems between them. | Mediation often works well for spouses trying to work out paren- ting arrangements. About-2 year ago my husband brought me.a separation agree- ‘ment which his lawyer prepared. * We had only been separated for about six weeks at the time and I was extremely upset and unhappy because } had not wanted him to ‘Jeave ine. He toid me that if I-did not sign the sepsration agreement — that night he would ever offer me. the same. thing and. that J would spend hundreds. if not thousands of * doliers on lawyers’ fees and never . get a deal that gocd. © E signed the agreement as I was scared and upset and believed*that he might be telling me the truth. © i am now wendering whether I -shouid have signed the agrecment | and whether it was really a@ fair. . deal or not. - I have several friends who are ‘divorced and. they serm to have gotten much more than i did. Am I stuck with this agreement I signed? You should take the agreement to a lawyer at the earliest possible time. The lawyer can then review the provisions of the agreement with you and advise you as to its fairness. if the agreement does not ap- pear to be fair, you can have a court review it and make a deter- mination pursuant to the Family Relations Act. If the court finds the agreement was unfair, it can make a division that it feels would have been fair. There are time limitations with respect to bringing such an action, so you should not delay. My wife and I have been mar- ried for five years, during which time her daughter from a former marriage lived with us. However, approximately a month ago my step-daughter moved out iw a huff to live with her father. Her father, who is unemployed, wants me to pay maintenance for his child, now 15. My wife does not work as she remains home with our three children. Is it possible. that I could be responsible for maintenance when neither of the child’s parents sre working? You are personally responsible ; for the maintenance and support of your wife’s daughter pursuant to the provisions of the Family § Relations Act. That act defines a parent as a : person who contributes to the support. and maintenance of a § child for not less than one year. =~ In all probability. the: child’s fa- ther could: prove; if the matter proceeded to court, that you have supported | the’ child” during the time that she lived with you. Although the Divorce Act places a similar responsibility on step-parents, it only applies where Parent and step-parent divorce. In your situation it.is a respon- sibility, that develops once the criteria of one year’s support is Fall Season Starts Thursday Sept.17 lewin Park School, W.Yon. All levels: Beginner, lntermadiate & Advanced Mew Mambers Welcome inquires 984-0357 Oncea year SEPTEMBER 16, 17, 18 & 19 ONLY 736-7411 p We are anon- -profit society providing RN nursing care to our community in: @ Hospitals © Private Residences - e Nursing Homes ae For an affordable fee we’ are here to serve your needs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call us today! 731-3158. * Serving BC. for 50 years _ met, regardiess of whether parent. Hi ; and step-parent separate. The questions and answers given in this coluran .are for gen- eral information ouly. If you have matrimonial prob- fems you should seek legal advice so that your adviser can assess your particular circumstances and give you the best advice. Questions about family law and estates can be directed to Stark & MacLise c/o Family Affairs, North Shore News, 1139 Lonsdale. % Ave., North Vancouver V7M 2H4. . - UNDER OUR HATS? CONSTRUCTION SPECIALS AT DOLLARTON 1 35.00 for Series Subscriptions Concert ‘Series : ‘Concert V . Fri, Oct. 2, i992. Baybayaga String ui Concert 2 _ Fri.; Nov. 6 1992 - John Friesen, Cello. Concert 3° Pri. Peb. 7, 1993 Faculty and Friends - | . - Featuring the music: of Jean Couthard Concert 4. 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