Doug Collins @ get this straight @ CHIROPRACTORS are quite touchy people, if I may put it that way. Four months ago | wrote a couple of columns about them, pointing out that they were not always perfect. Since then, the letters have never stopped coming and I cannot appear in public without one of them grabbing me by the lapels while he delivers a few earnest words. All of their letter-offerings have been good. But the best ar- rived recently by pony express under the letterhead and over the signature of Roy Nicholson, DC, of Victoria, who unburdened himself in the following manner and without as much as address- ing me as ‘‘dear’’. “Mr, Collins: “‘T just finished reading photocopies of your articles dated Oct. 8 and 10, 1986, regar- ding chiropractic, and being a chiropractor myself | thought I might respond with a few witty comebacks such as: 1, When did you have your frontal lobotomy? 2. How did you teach a chimp to read your column? 3. What planet did you drop from? 4. How many chiropractic col- leges rejected your application? ‘However, being the compas- sionate sort I have decided not to elaborate on any of the above because you do have a serious problem. I urge you to seek im- mediate “medical attention because your problem is obvious- ly beyond the scope of chiroprac- tic care. "You see, you are suffering from hypoxia of the brain, no Capilano Park leads THE NORTH Shore's Capilano River Park leads area parks in visits. Total visits to Greater Van- couver Regional District parks in the Lower Mainland exceeded 2.3 million last year, an increase of about 15 per cent over the previous year. Significant increases were re- corded at Capilano River Regional Parx on the North Shore, Belcarra located. on Indian Arm, Campbell Valley in Langley Township, and Derby Reach, also in ‘Langley Township: The GVRD owns and maintains 15 large regional parks covering about 8,000 hectares (20,000 acres). Capilano River Regional Park continues to attract the most visitors among the regional parks. The total for 1986 is estimated at 760,000, up nearly 85,000 over 1985. Officials believe that Expo was a factor in the increase because of tourist attractions in the park, like the Cleveland Dam and the federal fish hatchery. The number of visitors to Belcarra Regional Park rose to 415,000 from about 305,000. At Derby Reach Regional Park, a mile-long riverfront park and fishing bar on the Fraser River, visitors increased from 162,000 to nearly 200,000. Campbeil Valley Regional Park, which covers an area larger than Stanley Park, attracted about 190,000 visitors, up about 30,000. Other 1986 attendance estimates include 125,000 for Burnaby Lake Regional Park; 100,000 for Min- nekhada Regional Park in Co- quitlam; 60,000 for Kanaka Creek Regional Park in Maple Ridge; 142,000 for Deas Island Regional Park in Delta; 100,000 for Bound- doubt caused from such a serious spinal distortion that your crani- um in now wedged tightly be- tween your ischial tuberosities. Such a condition could well lead to a complete ischemia of the brain at which time I'm afraid your column would cease to ex- 1st. “This is too bad because | wouldn't be able to use your col- unin as a liner for the garbage cans in my office. Hopefully your medical doctor friends may be able to help you but your problem may simply be too far advanced. “Good luck and keep those chuckles coming! “*Yours ever so truly, “*Roy Nicholson, DC’. Intrigued by the doctor-talk, 1 looked up some of the vocabu- lary. Hypoxia is a deficiency in the amount of oxygen, and ischial pertains to the ischium, the lower portion of either in- nominate bore, which is some- where in the pervic region. My thanks to Roy Nicholson, DC, for diagnosing my condi- tion, which hai long puzzled the best medical bruins. wee ary Bay Regional Park, Delta; and 103,000 for Aldergrove Lake Regional Park located on the Langley/Matsqui border. It is heartening to know that the Canadian Society for Com- monwealth Relations recognizes a bleeding heart when it sees one, and has selected me to help its “Lend A Helping Hand Plan’’. The society writes to inform me that the Collins household will soon be host to a typical family group from Pakistan. The family, it is stated, will comprise the father, mother, four children, wife’s brother, grandmother, and her sister. “Within the next seven days we shall be able to inform you of the arrival date, routing and names of this family. We shall also include some recipes from Pakistan, so that you may prepare their favorite dishes. So as not to inconvenience you, we shall provide supplies of curry powder, rice, chickens and powdered goat's milk. “While this may seem like only a small gesture, we are convinced that it is only by such brotherhood that the world will become one big happy family.”’ Something tells me that my man Vic of the famous watering hole or one of his close acquain- tances is the author of this great scheme for international aid. kan The best headline of the year has appeared in the February, 1986, edition of The Interim, a pro-life newspaper. It read: “Editor fired for publishing truth.”’ But that’s hardly news, | would say. s s a t This year GVRD Parks is mark- ing its 20th anniversary and is preparing a program of special events to celebrate the occasion. SPRING RATE SCHEDULE Adults Youth - regular - restricted Child Senior Reg. Rate $22 20 16 12 12 Rates apply from time of purchase 'till close. No other discounts apply-Offer valid ’till end of ski season 9 ~ Friday, February 27, 1987 - North Shore News Health department to give workshops THE NORTH Shore Health Department is offering three free lectures in March. The first workshop will be on day cares -—- playground and disease control. It will be held at Carson Graham School March 5 from 7:30 to 9:30 p.m. On March 10 the topic is emergency measures for special 1. Cultivator, Trowel or Transplanter 4. Masking Tape 24 mm x55m 99¢ SALE, Each SALE, Each 2, Bell's Potting Soil 8 litres SALE, Each 3. T.S.P, Cleaner 454 g care facilities. It will be at the Education Centre, at 123 East 15th Street, North Vancouver, from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. A food safety workshop will be held March 12 at Carson Graham School from 7:30 to 9:30 p.m. This workshop is geared for restaurant and long-term care personnel. Register in advance by calling 988-5231. 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