TIME TO gnash the old teeth
again, it being one of my
favorite occupations. Which
explains why my molars get
smaller by the day.

A nice postman appeared at my
door asking for $6.60 for a parcel. It
was a book I had ordered from
England.

“Why the $6.60?” I asked pleas-
antly. As pleasantly as I could, that
is, thinking that perhaps the publish-
ers had not put enough postage on if.

“It’s for Customs,” he replied,
happily.

My manager, Grey Eyes, not
being at home, I did not have the
correct change. My postie friend had
none either so he said he would
leave the book at the local post
office and I could collect it later.
“Or,” he said, “you could refuse to
accept it.”

But I wanted it. Even if 1 was
being held up to ransom.

Cogitating on what a weird world
we live in I rang the Customs people
and got the “If you are this, press
one. If you are that, press two” rou-
tine, which did not add to my humor.
Also depressing was that a message
came back in French.

“What’s all this about a $6.60
charge?” ! finally asked the nice lady
at the other end of the phone, as
soon as I had bottled up the demons
boiling within me.

“Well, GST is charged on any-
thing worth more than $20, and the
Post Office puts on a $5 handling
charge.”

“Well,” says I, “that’s one more
reason not to vote Liberal.”

Next stop was Canada Post.

“Look,” I informed another nice
lady. “What's the situation? Postage
was paid. Does the post office have
to be paid twice?

KEN BAXTER
F LAWYER

24 Years
Experlence

Wednesday, February 21, 1996 — North Shore News - 7

ye

aba

S(t A el
OS

as

teeth to taxes

Dou
Gollins

on the

other hand

“We put on a $5 handling charge
every time we have to collect GST,"
she said. “And it doesn't matter
whether it's one dollar or a hundred
dollars.”

“You mean they want $5 to han-
dle $1.60?" And that on a package
worth $222”

“That's right. That's the way
things are.”

“A good reason not to vote
Liberal.” I said, feeling like a phono-
graph record.

If you ask me, Jean Chretien
probably gave that dough straight
over to Lucien Bouchard in the form
of a grant for something or other.
Because that's the way things are,
too.
The next day, it didn’t do my
molars any good when I read the lat-
est National Citizens Coalition “Tax
Trough” report.

The NCC explained that anyone
looking for examples of government
waste would find a gold mine of
squandering in stuff put out by the
Sociai Sciences and Humanities
Council.

Nearly 539,000 had gone to
someone to “examine major league
baseball in Detroit.” a sum that rep-

LONSDALE QUAY
NORTH VANCOUVER

988-6321

5

CALL
so

‘Insurance Services Inc.
105-200 West Esplanade, N. Van

(Located beneath Famous Players Vheatre)

resents seven average federal taxpay-
er years.

An “interactive study of video
games” —~ 21 taxpayer years — got
$100,670. And someone got $19,400
to look at “the boundaries of male
sexuality.”

The next one was a real mouth-
ful: the study of “career markers and
personal strategy deveiopment of
expert and novice symphony orches-
tra conductors and professional ice
hockey coaches” got $105,000.

Remind me to sort out the sym-
phony conductors from the ice hock-
ey coaches next time there's a
Beethoven concert.

My ignorance being unbounded |
must ask: what is a career marker?

“Rational interpretation and poet-
ic fiction” got $57,000.

“The social construction of femi-
nist meanings” was worth $44,000.

A theme park in Jean Chretien’s

tiding vot $3.5 million from the
Federal Regional Development
Agency, another star in the grant
industry. The money represented 723
taxpayer years, and my $6.60 will
probably be the beginning of a sec-
ond theme park.

Chretien’s crowd also got
$500,000 for a Canoe Hall of Fame.
Well, the Liberals certainly know
how to paddle their canoes.

The Canada Council, always
good for a bit of molar grinding, has
given $4,000 to sponsor “The Queer
Canadian Film and Video Festival.”

The Multicultural Department,
another rich source for rage, gave
$5,000 for the “retelling of Hindu
myths,” $24,000 for a film called
Indians of Czechoslovakia, and
$28,000 for tracing the history of
Chilean poets in Montreal,

‘There's more. But the teeth just
won't stand it. I collected my book
from the post office, paid the $6.60,
and the last bit ot enamel dropped
off my upper right rear molar.

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