COLLINS’ 1993 QUOTES COLLECTION

This year had a bumper
crop of quotable quotes

ONE CANNOT do justice
here to all the wonderful
quotes of 1993. It was a
bumper year. But here are a
few.

When they're nailing you to the
cross, don't forget to mention
you're with the North Shore News.
— News publisher Peter Speck; to
Doug Collins; of the NDP’s Kill
Collins Bill and on the screaming
hordes who clamor for his death by
a thousand cuts.

You couldn't put two in the
same foxhole because they'd have
their clothes off in a minute. ~
John Behan, New York State
assemblyman; on homos in the mil-
itary.

Politicians are barred from the
club, They're professional liars.
We're just amateurs, — Don Reed,
vice-president of the Liars’ Club of
Wisconsin.

They are neither new nor ‘demo-
cratic, but they are a party. —
Liberal MLA David Mitchell; on
the NDP.

I have considered robbery butl
don't know how to do it. Suicide
has also crossed my mind, but I
don't have the guts, — Richard
Richards, unemployed executive in
the U.K.

After he fell asleep I lifted the
sheets and I cut it. — The aptly
named Lorena Bobbit, who |
removed part of her husband's vital
equipment and tossed it in the
grass..°

I would call anyone who called

“manhole” a “peoplehole” an
“arsehole,” — lan Brooke of the
U.K.; on politically correct
English. .°

Woman would like to kill doc-
tor. — Headline in The Vancouver
Sun.

Our uteruses don’t make us
saints. —- Understatement of the
year from writer Naomi Wolf.

_. Beis an NDP hack with a
“patronage resume unrivaled in
‘Canada. — Socred Richard
Neufeld; on the appointment of
NDP hack Marc Eliesen to head
B.C. Hydro.

Protesters in Clayoquot Sound
do not, apparently, object to trees
being used for the paper on which
their welfare cheques are printed.
— B.C; Report magazine.

i'm not a terrorist. — Sea
Shepherd Looney Paul Watson,
who promotes tree-spiking and
ship-ramming.

I'm planning on getting a
bumper sticker that says ‘I screwed
the prime minister.’ " -— Nathan
Divinsky, Kim Campbell's ex;
before she was rogered by the elec-
torate.

- We are firmly in second place.
~— Kim Campbell.

Fifty years from now the
muezzin will be calling Allah's

ON THE OTHER HAND

faithful to the High Street mosque.
— Winston Churchill, grandson of
Great Winston; on the Asian inva-
sion of England.

Bill Clinton is a gay-lover who
has smoked pat, chased women and
dodged the draft. — Unnamed U.S.
general.

Canada risks becoming a soci-
ety of over-compensated self-
pitiers, — Media magnate Conrad
Black.

Rene Levesque had a miserable
personality and was a repulsive lit-
tle gnome with a chronic addiction
to cigarettes. There were tar stains
on his hands and he was greasy,
twitchy and specious. —~ Conrad
Black again.

Gutsy, ‘eccentric newspaper edi-
tors have been replaced by a gen-
eration born to be mild. They
smoked but they never inhaled. —
Prof. Ken Jowitt of the University

-of California.

Sally was such a docile snake.
She never hurt anyone. -— Mother
of a Los Angeles boy strangled by
the family’s pet python.

Just because someone sucked
your toe in the south of France
does not mean to say you cannot do
charity work. — Ingrid Stewart,
biographer of Fergie, Duchess of
York; on Fergie's failure to
become a goodwill ambassador for
the U.N. ; /

It's got to the point where half |
of every tree you cut down is con-
sumed by the paperwork you need
to get permission to cut it down, —

ennis Fitzgerald of MacBlo.

The only reason these feminazis
argue for equal rights is that they
can't get a man. — U.S. radio ter-
ror Rush Limbaugh.

North Shore homophobe gets a
break, — Headline in the homo
newspaper XTRA! WEST; on the
B.C. Press Council's refusal to hear
a complaint on Collins’ “Coming
out in the media” column.

I didn’t put 30 years of public
effort into achieving the social

safety nets we have in this cotairy
only to see them wiped aut dv a
bunch of right-wing wackos, —
Left-wing wacko Dave Barrett on
the Reform party; just before it
wiped HIM out.

Alberta uber alles, Herr
Manning comes ta Ottawa. —-
Front cover of Frank magazine,
with Preston got up to look like
Adolf.

Thave eight kids and I like it
here, so I'll be staying, — Somali
“refugee” Ubah Warsame, who
also likes being on welfare.

What is the difference between a
station wagon and the
Conservative Party? Answer: a sta-
tion wagon has four seats. — Joke
going the rounds in Ottawa.

It is tronic that the mostly faru-
ous reconmendation of the Royal
commission on New Reproductive
Technologies is that the commis-
sion be allowed to reproduce itself
as the National Reproduct've
Technologies Cammission. Jobs,
jobs, jobs. That's reproduction all
right, —~ Letter in Globe & Mail.

What a stupid game, They ran a
couple of yards and then they fop
down, — Grey Eyes on the Grey
Cup contest.

Wednesday, December 29, 1993 - North Shore News - 7

Give your
eat’s

ght ta

lew

ve
a Lift!

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