49 — Sunday, March 3, 1991 - North Shore News

The question is; Where do we
fit in at his coming wedding? His
adopted mother is dead. He has
his adopted father, 2 grandmother
on one side, and an aunt.

One reason he jooked us up is
that he was looking for more fam-
ily. He found his birth mother,
two aunts, two cousins, and us, 2
set of grandparents.

1 don’t think it fair to the
adoptive father for the birth
mother to be in the recieving line.
In fact, I wonder if we should be
at the wedding at all.

GENTLE READER -- As you
have sensitively considered, a new-
ly discovered birth mother does
not belong in a line to receive the
intimate circle of a family with
whom she has not deen ac-
quainted. Can you imagine the
explanations that would be neces-
sary?

‘1’m Jonathan’s mother. No, I
had nothing to do with his father
here. His birth father is — oh.
never mind. It was someone else;
let’s just leave it at that. Of
course I know Mrs. Tunis was his
mother, although I never actually
knew her. But she’s dead, you

know, and then he went and
found me...”
The receiving line wouldn’t

budge after the first person started
to receive this interesting news.
And the entire focus of the occa-
sion would be on this relationship,
rather than that of the new cou-
ple.

This is by no means to say that
Miss Manners is opposed to your
family’s attending the wedding, if
the bridgegroom’s adoptive rela-
tives are not hurt by it. They may
even be agreeable to having a

LIFESTYLES
Where do grandparents fit in?

DEAR MISS MANNERS — Our daughter gave up a son
at birth for adoption. Now, twenty years fater, this lad has
looked us up, and we are delighted.

Judith
Martin

MISS MANNERS

minor fuss made over you — say
toasting the newly-found relatives
at the reception, by way of an-
nouncement.

But this, as your instinctive
courtesy tells you, is not for you
to suggest. Your proposal might
be that the lad ask his father how
he would feel about any or all of
you going to the ceremony only,
or attending the reception but
merely identifying yourselves as
relatives of the bridgegroom
without going into detail.

But even if he welcomes you, it
would be well to be careful to
show that he is the one with the
parental authority (or what can be
said to be left by the time the
child gets married), not your
daughter, who turned it over to
him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS — I
am a businessman and part of a

Renewal mission held

A RENEWAL Mission dealing
with the theme of The Lord’s
Prayer is being. held on the
weekend of March 8 to 10.

Peter Biggs, pastor of Cedar-
view Christian Community, will
be speaking at the event. Biggs
was coordinator of the prayer
ministry for the Celebration of
Hope that was recently organized
by several North Shore Christian
Churches.

Sessions run on the evening of
Friday, March 8 and all day
Saturday, March 9. On Sunday,
March 10, the congregations of
St. Simon's and Cedarview will
hold a joint service at Seycove
School, 1204 Caledonia, at 10
a.m.

Registration for the weekend
costs $20. For registration infor-
mation, call Sharon Dibiey at
929-5046.

In March enjoy the music of

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w 3 li Barbar,

sa Petra €

Vingston, e

Sarbary rc

Chapnick

Join us at

THE

carts CREATION

CENTRE |-

OUR VISION: We are a spiritually conscious family committed
to living life as reverence, compassion, hospitality and ecstasy.
° —_

Join us beginning 10:45 a.m. for

meditation, singing and
recognizing who we are.

West Vancouver Masonic Hall

1763 Bellevue Ave., West Vancouver

Steve Everson, Founting Minister
264-1575

NORTH VANCQUVER 986-0388
WEST VANCOUVER 926-5541

large social structure. I find
myself meeting several — on
average, 10 — new acquaintances
every day, exchanging names and
information.

I’ve found it immensely difficult
to remember each person’s name,
and ! have been embarrassed at
times. The importance of
remembering a name cannot be
stressed enough, especially in my
field. Let’s face it, to be addressed

Rather than being insulting to the
forgetful person, it humbly sug-
gests that you do not consider
yourself memorable.

You therefore advance with 2
heart smile and the announcement
*I'm Horace Twimble.’’ The
other person then says, ‘Yes, I’m
Albert Drummond — we niet at
...”” which you intercept with a
jolly ‘Yes, of course, { know, but
I’m flattered you remember me.”’

_ NEW IN TOWN?

LET US PUT

OUT THE MAT
FOR You!

be sure to cal!

ne

OO
“Weteone Vigor

988-4793 or
926-2753 |

by name is much more desirable
than “Hey, don’t I know yeu
from somewhere?”’

What makes the already
awkward situation worse is if the
forgotten one remembers my
name. The discomfort is felt on
both sides, and a_ conversation
which otherwise might have been
successful is abandoned.

If it’s obvious that we've both
forgotten each othcr’s names, then COCLING SYSTEM
1 feel at ease asking, but I am un-

sure if that is the correct thing to EXPERTS 10
do. s
. * R

GENTLE READER — You | 667 W 3k) ST 1183 was
have really answered your own | moras
question. This is very kind of you,
as it means Miss Manners need
only point it out before she gets
back to testing the porch swing
for the coming spring season.

As you noticed, it is not so bad
if the other person has forgotten
your name. So jump in_ first,
assuming that this has happened.

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