34 - Wednesday, January 25, 1989 - North Shore News Young man is LIFESTYLES afraid of intimacy Q. Tam a male, 19 years old, and afraid of intimacy. I have no trouble getting dates, but I freeze up. What do I do to feel more relaxed with girls? A. First of all, your shyness about intimacy is very wholesome and not to be overcome just to get rid of it. Why should you feel in- timate with somebody you aren’t really intimate with? What would there be about having a soda and pizza with somebody to suddenly make you like Adam and Eve? The thing we call intimacy has to grow between two people. It is no reproach to your mankood that you freeze up when you encounter & premature approach or one from a girl who isn’t interesting to you. Maybe this same female will be in- teresting to you next week. But right now it is your right to fend off or back away from the approach. It isn’t the exclusive right of girls and women. Probably at this stage in your life you need a less aggressive girlfriend who needs time to feel ixtimate with another person as you do. Q. After a complete hysierec- tomy, is the woruan’s sexual desire Giminished? Even if she is taking hormones? A. Now here is a very interesting question, vital to many women and interesting to anybody, male or female, whose brain is awake. To the best of my non-medical understanding — I am not a medi- cal doctor but a teaching doctor -— the post-operative effect of this does not inevitably reduce the woman’s capacity for desire or pleasure. But like a lot of big - events in a woman's life, it can in- terrupt her capacity for desire or leasure. Pp a The woman facing a hysterec- tomy today has to cope with a fot of disturbing information. Is the operation really necessary? Some authorities say that there have been too many hysterectomies. I am not springing a big news story in this Dr. Ruth Westheimer column; the advisability of having the operation has in so many cases been widely questioned in public. If you are facing this question, you have to have the best medical and psychological ac-ice you can get. If your doctor is not interested in discussing the sexual effects of the operation, I think you owe it to yourscif to seek advice somewhere else. Q. Sex is great for my boyfriend and me, but we're looking for some new wreys to make sex more exciting. Do you have any sugges- tions? A. You have probably heard about reading up on the different positions that can be used for in- tercourse and about having sex at different times of day or night or in different places. For informa- tion, try the sex information shelves in bookshops and libraries. This is a potentially well-in- formed age, sexually speaking. Sex information is dispensed liberally and openly; it is no longer an under-the-counter item. Sharing fantasy is something many couples do, and that may enhance your sex life, too. I don’t just mean going to the video store and selecting adult videus. And I don’t mean con- fiding your personal fantasies to your partner, because these may be disturbing and should remain in your secret garden of arousal. I mean discovering ¢. creating a fantasy world together. And this doesn’t always mean purely sexual fantasy, or very explicit sexual fantasy. Fantasy situations can be inexplicitly arousing. A number of couples known to me have the habit of sharing the worlds of science-fiction, science-fantasy and ‘Screened. 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