QUESTION: (Memo from
Hayden: The following is a
continuation of a letter
printed and answered in a
previous column.)

Can you answer this
ancillary question? Why did
my husband so_ cleverly
arrange for me to find out he
was having a_ sexual
relationship with his friend
when it would have been so
simple to prevent my
knowing? Is he “getting back
at me” for not sharing his
happiness (experienced in
his “affair”) and for, as he
puts it, “letting him down”?
He knows that I have been
faithful to him and that |
believe self-imposed sexual
boundaries allow for free
growth of love and joy
within the relationship.

STEWART: You know him
alot better than | do. infact 1

Looking forsomething
more in his life

QUESTION: Fm _ probably
the most average person in
the world. Raised in a happy
home, one brother, one
sister, weat, to “regular”
schools, got average grades,
then a “regular” university
with a “regular” Arts degree,
stil attend ai “regular”
church (United) we've never
been rich nor poor, health is
average, did the usual
dating. married, have two
kids, everything O.h..
nothing spectacular, nothing
threatening. Marriage pretty
good, sex about average |
would say. Ho ham. Yawn.

Im 3” and for about two
vears now I have been
feeling sort of blah. | think |
want something more — but
what [ want is for the
“something more” to be kind
of average! | really mean it.
I'd like something to grab
me. I'd like something 10 be
enthuslastic about and to
explore. But | don't want lt
to be off-beat. I] want it to
“fein”. Get the picture?

tis smooth gentle tast

and best o! all, it. 1s permanent
Electrolyais, or short wave
(Permanent Halr Removal)
Call for tree private consultation

know him only through your
letter. And from your letter,
I do not get the feeling that
he is “getting back” at you.
Rather, I have the feeling
that despite his cerebral self-
permission to explore some
aspects of freedom that are
new to him, he had a need to
be “true” to you. It was just

too hard to tell you. so he
almost HAD to “arrange” it
so he would not be keeping a
secret from you.

His feeling that you are
“tetting him down 1s likely a
projection of his own
feelings about letting himself
down. He has made some
choices that probably make
him feel terribly alone.
despite his love for you and
despite his good friendship
with his lover. I think his
feeling of being let down is
not because he wants you to
support or even accept his
affair. He feels let down
because he is longing for,

1 have friends whose
interests leave me cold. |
really don’t want to get
steamed up about astrology.
or meditation, or zen, or
numerology, or therapy, or
jazz, or I Ching, or tarot, or
investments, or health foods,
or hypnotism, or  cross-
country skiing, or group sex,
or nude swimming, or alfalfa
sprouts, or drugs, or wife-
swapping, orf “continuing
education”, or love prin-
ciples, or classic cars.
Everyone of those things
(and a bunch of others) |
consider to be either a little
or a lot off-beat for me. Yet,
as you would guess from my
ho-hum and yawn up above,
I'm not too excited about life
and | DO want SOME-
THING more. How do I find
out what [fm so restive
about? Do you ever have the
feeling there's something
right close by that you want
and yet you don't know what
it ts or how to get it? That's
me. Now what?

STEWART: A short answer

You are on the was) You are

[REEDOM {ROM UNWANTED
HAIR FOREVER

Stop wasting precious time on temporary
methods Let ustemove beauty dDlemishing
haw trom your tace arms and legs

j ask hayden stewart

’

Freelance Counseltor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual. family or group counselling. His new

office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the
conventence of North Shore residents. ,

did he tell?»

and needs, so very much.
your support of HIM. He
wants you to receive HIM.
as beautiful, exactly where
he is. I think he does not

want you to receive his affair

as being beautiful — exactly
where it is — because he
undoubtedly feels badly

enough about it. even while
he enjoys it.

What he wants from you
(and I hope you want it for
yourself) is to receive HIM.
as HE is,
specific expectations of him,

nor of yourself, and with a

without any

quality of unconditional love
for him that will give you
contentment and will give
him support. Can vou find it
in yourself to that

creatively dynamic choice”

make

aware of your hunger and

you have said to yourself. I

am NOT hungry for the
things on this long list. So.
first. give yourself per-
mission to end the argument
with yourself about the
things you DON'T want to
explore. Those things you
may eliminaie, as long as
you dont say. “I wall
NEVER look into those”
You may say. “None of that
for me, just now. Later on?
Perhaps. Who knows?” That
will give you some freedom
and some space for ex-
ploring

Then, ACCEPT what you
are NOW as your current
reahty That leaves vou with
still more freedom to change
inthe ways voull discover I
you wail around for help.
youll probably be disap-
pointed Tf you choose to
become. you are quite hkely
to pet help on the way
“Help” ais always “on the
wavy butit you don’t get on

tne wav you ll neves

recognize if

A complex problem

QUESTION: I have a very
involved and complex
problem I want to write
about, but I know it would
demand a letter far too long
for your column. What can I
do about that?

STEWART: Try your best to
make the letter succinct,

; ee, cca}
ararn)

C7-Sunday News, February 3, 1980

OR, write a long letter AND
one short enough for the
column; OR write a long
one, knowing I will have to
cut it severely, or omit it:
OR. arrange for some
counselling. If you ‘phone
me, I will be happy to refer

PAINT & DECORATING CENTRE

133 EAST 14th STREET (NEAR LIONS GATE HOSPITAL)

985-0691

Sale ends Feb. 9th, 1980

“May be undertilied for tinting — See label for net contents

aaa ATA A

$3.59 + $1.0$4.59
 - $6.99 $6.99 + $1.00 $7.99
| $12.95 | $12.95 + $1.00 $13.95 |}

$22.95 + $1.00$23.95

you to someone, or perhaps
arrange to see you myself.

It seems to me your BEST
choice would be to write as
long a letter as you wish (for
my information) and then
cut it down to the bone for
the column. Send in both of
them. O.K.?

E WALLPAPER ~
SALE!

s BUY ONE AT MANUFACTURERS’ BOOK PRICE =

PAY ONLY $1.00 =
FOR THE SECOND ROLL

CHOOSE FROM THOUSANDS OF
ROLLS IN STOCK

POG EXAMPLES OF LOW IN STOCK PRICES

4 MAND FACTURERS' GLIDDEN :
TYPE OF WALLPAPER SINGLE ROLL DOUBLE ROLL
PRE-PASTED SCRUBBABLE

. PEELABLE PAPER

PRE-PASTED SCRUBBABLE

STRIPPABLE SOLID VINYL

PRE-PASTED SCRUBBABLE
$22.95

SAVE $4.00 oFrF

SPRED LATEX
SEMI-GLOSS AND LO-LUSTRE =