38 - Wednesday, August 10, 1988 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES

Q. 1 CAN PERFORM very well i. the bedroom whether my t=
wife is wearing something skimpy and sexy or nothing —

and I do.

But a Catch 22 is developing in
our love life. I have a strong fetish
about stockings, garter belts and
girdles, shiny tights, etc. Nylon on
the female leg arouses me wildly.

But the more that kind of thing
turns me on, the more my wife
resists wearing it. It bugs her. She
wants ‘‘to be wanted for herself
alone,’’ without ‘‘floozie
underwear.”' Well, I can perform
with her as she comes from the
shower — but I am turned off by
her being such a kill-joy.

A. Well, you are fortunate
because, by your own account, the
fancy undies are not a necessity to
you. There are some unfortunate
fellows who are really stuck with a
certain idea and can’t perform in
the bedroom unless they are in-
dulged with costumes and words
and sometimes play-acting.

But you can make love with your
wife either au naturel or wearing
old-fashioned intimate apparel.
So, don’t make a big deal, don’t
paint yourself into a corner, don’t
get so mad you have to have a
summit meeting with your wife to
unfreeze the situation.

If you read this column often
you will recall my saying that no-
body should be pressured into do-
ing anything special sexually.
While the funny flimsies are a
turn-on for you, for her, they are
a bad joke. She dislikes your
pushing them on her, and it spoils
lovemaking.

You can get by without them,
and for awhile, you should.
Sometime later on she may see
that they are only play — make-
believe — and in the spirit of play
she may put them on for you.

Meanwhile, to get your own
mind off this mental war that is

developing, think of other
lovemaking fantasies. Use other
visions to prepare yourself for
bedroom encounters. And you
might think of all the things that
attracted you to your wife in the
beginning, and al) the agreeable
things that have happened _be-
tween you — not one of which
happened with her in crazy far-out
underthings.

Again, if you read this column
now and then, you have probably
noted the advice that you don’t
have to share your fantasy with
your partner, because what hap-
pened is likely to happen again.
Your fantasy, harmless and arous-
ing to you, may not be what she
wants to think about at all while
making Jove. At least not right
now. OK?

Q. T like to please women during
lovemaking and not just achieve
my own gratification. During
foreplay and afterwards, I do the
standard varieties of pleasuring,
and the sounds and signs of my
partners’ pleasure really turn me
on. But the next day I feel cheap
and guilty, and F wonder what to
do about this.

A. Your mixed feelings about
certain sexual activities are famil-
iar enough. First of all, don’t
think you are weird or that these
feelings are anything to be asham-
ed of. They are perhaps a little
old-fashioned.

In this era, many more activities
are acceptable to conventional
people than was true 20 or 30
years ago, but no individual lover
is duty-bound to do everything
that ‘‘everybody else is doing.”’

That would be tyranny indeed.
Lovemaking is not the army,
where you have to do whatever

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the sergeant says, along with the
rest of the platoon. The bedroom
is where two people please each
other, each taking account of the
other’s feelings.

You are thinking too much about
‘““women’’ and not enough about a
good relationship with some par-
ticular woman. in a good, loving
relationship you don’t have to do
things to please the other that are the
opposite of pleasing to you. There is
much more understanding and give-
and-take. What you say suggests that
you are feeling used and abused.

In a good relationship, you don’t

Dr. Ruth

Ruth Westheimer

have to be pushed into things you
don’t want, and many things will be
pleasing to you that rub you the
wrong way in casual encounters or
partnerships of convenience. The
next day you know that loving part-
ner is still there for you, not having
used you and gone on her way.

Men are advised nowadays that
they can make lovemaking better
for their female partners with
wooing and foreplay, and this is
true. But no one, man or woman,
has a gun to the head and a big
bad voice saying, ‘‘This you have
to do."

Scottish activities planned

A DAY in Scotland will be pres-
ented by the North Vancouver
Kiwanis Club at Waterfront Park
on Sunday, August 14.

Featuring Highland dancers,
singers, pipers, displays, exhib-
itions and refreshments, the event

begins with a pancake breakfast
from 9 to 11 a.m. and continues
with entertainment until 5 p.m.

The event is being held to raise
furds for Kiwanis projects with
seniors in the community and for
the sponsorship of junior sports
and scholarships.

Another Good Reason

to pick

up the

i LAWSUIT Looms
IN BOAT. BATTLE

very Sunday, you'll find a SAFEWAY flyer

loaded with

NEWS. You can plan your shopping ahead and

values inside the

save time and money in the bargain.

WATCH FOR IT — SUNDAYS

TAH YUE EOF CHET Ate oF ET wee UE DH

DISTRIBUTION

986-

Hf you don't receive your
SAFEWAY flyer in
your Sunday News,
wed like to hear from
you.

1337

FIRST IN FLYERS ON THE NORTH SHORE

There are many ways to help and
please in lovernaking, and if you
avoid any particular activity, a
loving partner will not insist.

Q. Iam a senior citizen, and I
don’t maintain an erection unless I
am in a standing position. My wife
is very nice and cooperative, but
she is nearly 70, as Iam, and really
can’t adapt to my requirements,
Her legs just won't make it. What
can I do?

A. The saying is that love will
find a way, but today there is no
need to lose time in unguided ex-
perimenting. I think a sex thers-
pist could taik over your special
problem and help you find more
comfortable and satisfying ways
to make love. It should not take
endless visits to the therapist's of-
fice; a session or two with both of
you present should prove helpful.

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