Freelance

m I just an old stic

Counsellor
Hayden Stewart may be
reached at 261-8242 for
appointments for individual,
family or group counselling.
His new office in the Plaza

rnational Hotel (open
” Tuesdays only) 1s forthe
convenience of North Shore
residents.

Ciiange
yourself
first

QUESTION: You said in
your speech at the In-
ternational Plaza last Sunday

night that when a person
begins to be the change she

‘wants to see happen, her.

circumstances ‘will change
and so will other people that
she wants to change. Can
you give an example of what
you mean?

STEWART: That is not what
I WANTED to say. What I
meant to say was that if you
really commit yourself to
being the change you want
to see happen in yourself,
and think less and less about
the changes you want to see
happen in your. cir-
cumstances and in people
other than yourself, the
more likely it will be that you
will see changes in your
circumstances and in other
people!

Of course it doesn’t always
work out that way, but it
happens much more often
than it does if you try to
change others.

An example? Well, here's
one. Perhaps you have been
rather miscrable at home
and behaving obnoxiously.
You do not like that in
yourself and so you decide to
“be the change you want to
sce happen". As you bring
about the change you want,
it is quite likely that the
others at home will seem less
objectionable to you even if
they, themselves, have not
entered into any changes of
their own.

But in addition to that, as
they find you more fun to be
with, and discover that you
are) not promoting any
changes in them, they are far
more likely to see changes
they want to make = in
themselves and, like you,
start to “be the change they
want to see happen”.

QUESTION:- Our marriage
leaves a lot to be desired.
Some friends of mine have
left their husbands and
started a whole new life who
. have not had nearly the
difficulties in their marriages
that I am trying to handle. I
am aware that it has been a
. hard thing for them to do,
but I get the feeling they are
feeling good about what they
have done.

My inclination is to stay
with my marriage, no matter

. What. My thinking fs that I

got “married for better or

Do you

QUESTION: [Tm one of
those steady, straight, ho-
hum guys with a good job,
good wife, good kids, good
health and a very very good
absence of problems.

Bat [ve got a quirk. Some
people have rather af-
fectionately told me I'm
missing some of my marbles.
The reason I seem to come
across this way is because I
simply love _doing crazy
harmless pranks which (in
my Opinion) sre simply my

expressions of a lve?y, but
perhaps kinky sense
humour.

ld better give you an
example or two. There's a

sign in Stanley Park which |

reads, CHILDREN’S ZOO.
Well I made another sign to
hang right under it which
read, NO CHILD WILL BE
ACCEPTED AS AN
CUPANT UNLESS
DONATED BY &HIS
PARENTS OR LEGAL
GUARDIANS.

I know, I know — it was
goofy, but I had fun and no
one was hurt by it. Right?

One of my most enjoyable ,

pranks was when I made a
reservation at a very swank
restaurant and ordered
coffee as soon as I was
seated. The walter, of
course, thought 1 wanted to
study the menu while I drank
my coffee. But what I did
was open up a litde brown
paper bag I had brought with
a salmon sandwich in it and
innocently began munching
on it. Seelng the walter's
face when he returned was
so much fun!

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worse and that it is only right
and proper for me to see ft
through. But right there is -
my problem.

Once in a while I wonder
if I am just a stick-in-the-
mud who fs too conformist
and proper to do any real
thinking about my marriage.

I wonder on occasion if Iam.

staying with my marriage

_ only because I don’t have the |

strength to stand on my own
two feet.

| put a lot of value on the

security of marriage — even

the financial security, and -
perhaps I am sticking with it
rather than risking having to
_look after myself. I have a

~ strong feeling it is WRONG

to end a marriage, but
perhaps I am just too
chicken and am making that
“wrong” feeling an excuse to
stay married. What do you
think? .

STEWART: I run across
‘people in my work as a
counsellor who seem to me
to be doing the opposite to
you. THEY are making the
new freedom an excuse for

Oo a? ry no ca

Page 53, April 4, 1979 - North Shore News

-in-the-mud

getting out of a marriage

rather than finding their way

toward fulfillment within the
marriage. Except in extreme
cases, I find myself wanting.
the marriage to work out,
and wanting the husband and
wife to find ways to con-
tribute to its success rather
than too quickly throwing up

their hands in defeat.

In your particular.
situation, I would hope you.
will respect your feeling it
would be “wrong” for you to
give up too easily. Why not
start all over again with some
original

think I’m screwy?

Now — my question. Do

you think there is something

-serewy about me that I
should be anxious about?

STEWART: I sure don't! I

oo

wish there were a lot more of
your crazy kind around. I'd
love to talk with you and
share some of my ex-

periences and hear more *

about yours. Let’s do it. I'll

Meet you between 8 on the
corner of Lonsdale a week
from next Tuesday. Now you
be there, you hear? (I'll be
wearing shoes).

Coming to

Wolw

PHARMACY

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STARTS

thinking about

getting help and finding- all

‘the ways open to you to give
another -

your marriage
chance to become what you_
want and what your husband
wants?

.s_ I do NOT mean that you

should just “try harder” to

win the same tired old
arguments. I’m talking about
learning to love and to give

love and to receive love with .

far more searching and
sharing .than you have been
used to. There isa chance
for -your marriage to be
beautiful. Use every ounce
of that chance! .

because every |
child has the

right to smile

Merk i OHA
Yearot
(the Chi

MONDAY APRIL 9th

Watch for our ad
in next Wednesday’s edition of this newspaper.

esc gp watseething eva tine *

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