46 ~ Wednesday, August 16, 1989 - North Shore News Try teaching selfish boyfriend new tricks @. I DO whatever my boyfriend wants in order to pleasure him. I rarely have an orgasm — and it’s mi- raculous that I sometimes io. I really love this guy, bat I wish be were not so sexually selfish. How can I tell bim I have been what he should do the next time he wants sex — insisting on the preliminaries, the foreplay; guiding his hands, letting him understand that this is part of sharing sex. If he doesn’t grasp what you are showing him, you definitely have to tell him that there is more to sex between man and woman than allowing the woman to relieve the man’s sexual tensions, I think you should get a good sex manual, read it and understand it yourself, and try to pass wheat you have learned on to him. If he continues to be totatly selfish about sex, you have to face the fact that a man who refuses to please you, or even to try, is hardly a lover. our way to keep our marriage vibrant and exciting. I think some- thing my husband did fits your category of romantic wooing. One moruing I awoke and in the usual course of things went to the bathroom where a love note fell out of the unrolling toilet paper. How sweet, I thought. Next 2 love note fell out of the tedicine cabinet. Two in one day! Bat there were more. As I went around the house in my usual routine I kept finding love notes planted where I was sure io un- cover them. I foved the notes and, even more, loved thinking how much time he spent on this, being so lov- ing end poetic, putting himself in my shoes and observing the tasks I “ do and where they had to take me faking orgasms? Whet oon I do to through the day. There were at & lo be more considera least nine notes. My lover had won know what you will say — that it is my heert anew! Ra, aad to te% him what I need. A. That is so clever, and so 2 Zhe That A. Right! It is a break for you OL What dees a wenn aD that you have had orgasms some- when, after 2 tong time without times, so you don’t have to learn sex, she has @ powerful urge to how to have them or worry about have it and nobody she is interest- being incapable of them. That is ed in seems interested? How does the good news. _ she find a relationship? The bad news is that you should A. In her own good time — no ump th aly sly asain shoring. "A go him. (R aries are ask x “For shopper told me, “Buy it when it’s « U are asking, | ask there, not when you need it.” Put- what? ) df you me en ying to ting it my way, don’t rush into a reform this guy, you have to stop , at my , 7 faking and stop giving pleasure for = Dr. FReathy lationship ora onenigh stand that” in the bes _you have to ad ; . That way leads to possible illness a ta d e beginning sith hina Dr. Ruth Westheimer ana being exploited sexually and men' ao oe bit sl os ie w. ant bad relationships that are hard to was enough, but now y get out of. When you have been more of what a woman is supposed MRE UERGRTMAEESEES celibate and suddenly have a wi» "You might “try. teaching him Q. My husband and I go ont of | St0N8 sexual urge, that is when - ignt try B ° go on you treat yourself to a bubble bath and something nice to eat, some music and daydreams about some wonderful guy and bring yourself to sexual release. 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