Choice words to chew c on

A FEW 1996 quotes
that may make you
laugh. Or cry.

Tam better than I was,

but not as good as I was before

I got as bad as Lam now.

— West Vancovver’s 86-
year-old John Rowland; to
people who ask how he is
and seem surprised that he
has not yet kicked the
bucket.

The legal profession will
tecome ... the pharmacists of
the furure, At the back of the
stere, past the chips aud sun-
Hlass sses and the deodorants.

— A lawyer’s lament
over people who arc now
doing their own lawye ring.

Deep Cove has fewer prob-
lems since a goose-diing clean-
er was hired last yenr.

— Item in the North
Shore News.

I guess I need a little bit of

wriggle room.

~~ Premier Glen Clark
on his 1996 budget.

The only tiring that needs
wriggle room is a snake.

— Liberal House
Leader Gary Farreli-
Collins.

Americans are coming to
the sad conclusion that our
First Lady is a congenital liar.

— New York Times
columnist William Safire.

Ie’s like being told that
your new roommate is
Clifford Olson.

-- Former West Van
councillor Andy Danyliu;
on proposals to amalya-
mate North Shore school
boards.

Thad nothing personal
against him.

—Yigal Amir; who
assassinated Israeli Premier
Yitzhak Rabin.

on the
other hand

Canada is divisible because
it is nota real couutry.

— Quebec Premier
Lucien Bouchard.

He isan imbecile, a perfect
idiot who will say anything.

— Bouchard again; on
federal Indian Affairs
Minister Ron Irwin.

I don’t know, actually, the
answer to that. 1 don’t think
I, uh, I don’ think T, ub, 1
don’t think I did.

— Glen Clark; on
whether he knew that
dozens of NDPers had the
inside track in Hydro’s
foreign investments; quot-
ed in the Sun.

Shit happens in this busi-
ness.

—Former NDP MLA
David Schreck; on the
Hydrogate scandal.

In my opinion Clark is an
untrustworthy, vindictive,
conniving little man ... and
we had better look out f he is
reelected.

— Unidentified 85-
year-old West Van man; to
Denny Boyd.

I spent the war in the Essex
Yeomanry. The subject never
came up. I’m not a bugger
and Pm glad to say I never
knew anyone who was.

— British Army Col.
Richard Gosling; to a
writer researching homo-
sexuality in the forces.

Getting older not bad news

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During the hustle & bustle of
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for the brain

— Headline in the
Globe & Mail.

Public opinion is often
sadly misinformed.

— Joe Clark; forgetting
that he too was often sadly
misinformed.

Your time’s up, mate.

— Australian Prime
Minister Paul Keating to
anti-immigration MP
Graeme Campbell; on
throwing him out of the
Australian Laber Party’s
caucus. But it was Keating
whose time that was up.
He lost the clection and
Campbell was reelected as
an independent.

This councry is run by
thausands of tittle
Robespierres.

—- A French mayor.

The Princess of Wales is an
actress and a schemer.

— Robert Runcie, for-
mer Archbishop of
Canterbury; on Dear
Diana.

It’s quicker to order berain
in Vancouver than it is to
order a pizsa.

~— Sun reporter Nicole
Parton.

If'we don’t replace it I
will resign.

— Sercaming Sheila, aka
Cop-Out Cogps, Deputy
Prime Minister of The
True North; who promised
to quit if the Liberals did-
n’t ditch the GST; and
who, when forced to go,
was reelected by the nin-
compoopish voters of
Hamilton.

Promise to scrap the GST,
Sheila. It worked last time.

— NCC advertisement
during the Hamilton
byelection.

I believe in the inequality
of the races.

— National Front leader
Jean-Maric Le Pen of
France.

It all went splendidly until
my gosom barked.

— A recently discovered
quip by Mrs. Patrick
Campbell, the Edwardian
English actress, who tried
to smuggle her little dog
into England.

I'd go up on the (Lions
Gate) bridge and jump, but
there’s tov much traffic.

~~ West Van
“Mensroom” store owner
John Clark; after thieves
cleaned him out.

Politicians are the most
despicable sub-species I have
ever COME ACTOS.

— England’s Sir James
Goldsmith, who has him-
self now become a politi-
cian.

Dear Lord, Happy to bein
Vancouver for the party con-
vention, It’s such a lovely city.
It’s a shame we have to give it
back to the Chinese in '97.

— From Frank
Magazine’s “Preston
Manning's Letter: io
God.”

Collins column unfair to
bears — Fleadline on North
Shore News letters page.

I feel better now that Pre
Hiven up ait cope.

— Anon.

— The North Shore News
believes strongly in freedom of
speech and the right of all
sides in a debute to be heard.
The columnists published in
the News present differing
points of view, bur those views
are nor necessarily those of the
newspaper itself.

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