38 - Sunday, dune 17, 1990 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES Hugging in office is Inappropriate DEAR MISS MANNERS - Ten years ago I experienced one of the most embarrass- ing incidents of my life. The hurt and embarrassment still linger. My boss had called me and three or four others into his office for a meeting. The office was small. It had a couple of chairs and 4 relatively narrow beneh that three aduits could sit on if they had to. 1 sat down on the bench next to a lovely Southern lady and put my arm around her shoulder to vive her a teasing (or so I thought) hug. She promptly went into the approved and copyrighted Man- ners Technique: She jumped up, squailed rather noticeably and briefly shock like a dry ieaf in a strong wind. While I managed to keep 2 straight face as my friends pealed with laughter, I was totally humil- iated ~ a rare occurrence in my fife. While I'm noted for my sense of humor, I'm not a_ toucher, hugger, kisser, pincwer or masher. i rarely touch people. She ard I kad worked together for two or three years and were pretty good friends, or so I thought. Though I was married and she was not, I’ve never been noted for making ‘‘moves’’ an females other than my wife. I have remained loyal for my 20 years of married life. I could hardly stand Facing this lady anymore and attempted to keep my distance without being noticeable. A couple of snonths later she came to my office and asked me if there was something wrong. Ali I could do was lie and tell her I had just been busy. Soon afterward she took another job, and I have not seen her since. Did I really deserve that? GENTLE READER - Not 10 years. It was a good lesson, but that is far too long a sentence for a transgression with no ill motiva- tion. The lady quickly forgot the in- cident, as evidenced by her being puzzled at your subsequent coolness, and Miss Manners ab- solves you so that you can once again sleep through the night without waking up in a cold sweal. But it was a transgression, nevertheless. How was the lady to know your motivation as che time? Business meetings are not the occasions for physical expres- sions of ‘‘pretty good’’ friendship. H you are not a hugger, why did you hug her? DEAR MISS MANNERS - i ar- tived 35 to 40 minutes early for my son's graduation, The school Transport studied From page 37 project is needed becuuse of the rapid increase in traffic and in the number of seniors using cars or public transit on the North Shore. “The population in’ West and North Vancouver is aging and many individuals who now have more leisure time are travelling around the wide-spread area.’ the group says. In addition, the seniors’ group says most (raffie accidents occur at intersections and a high pro- portion of both pedestrian and sehicle accidents involve seniors, Any Nort Shore seniors inter- ested in participating in the pro- ject should call Bonnie Plunkett at ON S~INSL, miss manners Judith Martin gym was already full, but what bothered me was the fact thai people were saving seats for others. 1 tried vainly to find a seat, but people had coats, bags, etc., on empty seats, and when I ap- proached they said, ‘“These seats are saved.’* At last F found a woman who had draped her tong coat on four seats to save them. I felt very angry and sat down on one of the seats. She said, ‘‘} have been saving these four seats since 6 o’ctock."* I said, ‘I’m sorry, but you should not save alf these seats’* and I stayed where I was. Her friends did not approach the seats until exactly taree minutes before the graduation began. FAAS On another occasion I went 45 minutes early to a schoo! play (general admission) and was look- ing for a seat (all kinds of people were saving them), so I humbly went and tuok a back seat that no one wanted, from which it was a strain to hear some of the speakers. GENTLE READER - Miss Manners understands your frustration but has not been able to bring herself to wax indignant over it. And she cannot condone your usurpation of their seats. Does **First come, first served’’ really demand that, for example, elderly relatives show up at dawn if they want to have seats near the rest of the family? The guests of each graduate want to sit together, and Miss Manners has a hard time requiring them to behave as indi- viduals each scrambling for himself. DEAR MISS MANNERS - I've lost weight and am now subject to a great inany comments on my appearance. Not content with remarking on my present condi- tion, many people also give me their opinions of how I Jooked in the past. I know these people think they’re giving me compliments, but U hate this kind of attention. Do you kave a phrase that, without making me seem rude, vill let these people know that? GENTLE READER - *‘I had no idea people were so interested in my appearance.’’ Said slightly coolly, this jolts busybodies from the smugness of believing that ap- praising others is a service to them. TROLLER PUB PRESENTS ‘st Annual Slo Pitch Fan Appreciation Night Thursday Evening, June 21 $200 Cash for the Team with the most Players in their uniforms lots & lots of Great Prizes & Specials — Leather Baseball Mitt value ‘90% Office Technology Program Train for Success Seeretaries, Word Processors, and Accounting Clerks are in demand, Enrol in one of our speciaiized (raining programs, © Secretarial -— 8 months ¢ Financial — 10 months © Word Processing — 10 months Acquire computer, communications and imerpersonal skills fo meet the challenge of the office of the 90s, Programs start September 4. 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