ay

+ Sey

DEAR MISS MANNERS —
Seve years ago, when my
husband was 34, he decided
to change careers and go to
law school. We financed the
change by Hquidating all our
assets and selling our house.
I returned to school also and
then got pregnant, so when
he became a lawyer, we had
a 10-month-cid daughter
and no moriey.

He is now doing very well,
working in a Silicon Vailey
firm. His prospects are ex-
cellent, and he enjoys his
work. The problem is that
the people we meet who are
our age are financially
established, while we're rais-
ing our daughters in a two-
bedroom apartment and are
still struggling to make ends
meet.
It is difficult to
reciprocate when we are
entertained, although that
isn’t a barrier to seeing good
friends. But I have difficulty
with some of the people I've
met, through play groups
and preschoc!, whose
chifdren pisy with mine.

Some people ask me
almost every time we meet
when we’re going fo buy a
house, or comment on what
fa shame it is that we don’t
live in one. The worst of-
fenders are people who've
made money in real ectate

19th Annual Pottery Sale.

38 - Sunday, November 24, 1985 - North Shore News

Values are shallow

and behave as if they in-
vented capitalism. They sug-
gest that we don't unders-
tand the real estate market
and are incapable of actiog
in our own interests.

f

anyone eise.

At the same party, I men-
tioned that I plauned to
return to my journalism ca-
reer next year. Another
mother said, ‘“‘What? You

by Judith Martin

At a children’s birthday
party recently, the host in-
terrupted a conversation
about houses to ask if the
topic depressed me. Then be
turned to the (now silent)
guests and said, ‘‘Debbie
lives in a two-bedroom
apartment.”’

We live as we feel we can
afford to live. We have a
happy family life, and have
had nothing but. compli-
ments on our two daughters,
now 2 and 442, I don’t fee!
they'll be adversely affected
by fiving in an apartment for
a few more years, nor do I
feei that this should concen

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mean writing for = newspa-
per?’”) and wrinkled her
nose. “‘Why don’t you po
inic television? That’s where
the money is.’ I said that
wasn't what I wanted to do.
“Well,” she shrugged, ‘‘if
you’re happy ...’”

I'm sure our problems are
aggravated because we live
in Silicon Valley, where
people have high incomes

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and indelge in osientstions
displays of wenslth. Never-
theless, I'm realiy tired of
sach treatesent. It would be
difficult to slop seeing some
of these people, ‘partly
because they're friends, but
why should I pat ap with
them?

GENTLE READER —
Why, indeed? If you insist
upon considering such peo-
ple friends, there is a
perfectly polite way to show
them that they are terribly
tude in presuming to teach
you how to run your life,
and are only succeeding in
demonstrating how shallow
their values are.

Listen to their remarks,
and then, with a wistful
smile as if you were admit-
ting to some lack, say,
“Now that you mention it, [
Suppose 2 great many people
do find that they need a lot
of money (or an expensive
house) to be happy. I don’t
know why, but we just never
felt it was all that impor-
tant.”

That should make them
good and ashamed.

GS MARINE DR. (ACROSS'FRO
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