Who loves a goose?

B:: are back in the news. Specifically, the
Canada geese in Stanley Park.

A consulting firm suggests
stealing their eggs, hard-
boiling them, and slipping
them back in the nest so poor
Mother Goose won't know
they’re not going to hatch un-
til the mating season is over
and it’s tco late to go out and
get goosed again.

‘The parks commissioners
_of course are afraid they'll all
‘get thrown out en masse by
an enraged electorate if they
let such a, well, hard-boiled
scheme go ahead.

The Canada geese in
Staniey Park are the closest
thing to a West Coast sacred
cow, droppings. notwith-
standing. A foul fowl by
most standards, in places like
~ Britain, especially along the
‘. River Thames, Canada geese
are regarded as vermin. A
pair was brought to some-
body’s manor around the
* turn of the century and they’
_ have since taken over whole

‘sections of the river around
Oxford. and Henley-on-

Arnold

THE MAN charged :in‘con-
nection with a shooting inci-
dent in .North Vancouver
December 27 appeared: in
provincial court for the first
. day of a preliminary hearing
Friday.

John Gordon Arnold
faces nine charges including
one count. of attempted
murder, two counis of poin-

ting a: firearm at ‘another

Thames, chasing away more

graceful species like swans.
What, i ask you, is the

aesthetic value of a great

honking Canada goose? It’s .

like having some spoiled brat
with a horn running around
pooping on your lawn,

Geese fall into the same
category as crows and starl-
ings, if you ask me. That is,
about the only good use for
them is as pie or down for a
pillow or an alternative to
turkey on Thanksgiving.

In Vancouver, for in-
stance, in addition to the
megagaggle of geese around
Lost Lagoon, there are some
four million starlings and
between six and seven thou-
sand crows. An unfortunate
side-effect of the arrival of
these species in our midst is
that the songbirds are
generally driven out.

Such delightful specimens
as gold finches, song spar-
rows, warblers, kingfishers,
sora and blue-winged teal are

hearing
person, one count of using a
firearm in a careless manner,
one count of assault with a
knife, one count of discharg-
ing a'firearm with intent to
endanger fife, one count of
using a firearm for a pur-
pose dangerous to the public
peace, one count of posses-
sion of a prohibited weapon
and ‘one count. of assault
with, ‘a weapon.

all forced to flee when the
gangs of crows and starlings
descend, much as the swans

along the Thames are chased

away by Canada geese.

Ah, yes, by their attitudes
toward our feathered friends
ye shall know them! I admit
to having ornithological
biases. Among my favorite
birds are the blue heron and
the bald eagle, and it irritates
me no end to see a poor eagle
being harrassed by crows,
rather in the manner of
muggers.

But my very favorite form
of bird life is the glorious,
magnificent, heroic chicken.

In fact, if somebody asks
me what is the difference bet-
ween West Vancouver and
North Vancouver, 1 will
quickly tel! them that the
single most distinct factor is
West Van's enlightened at-
titude toward chickens,
whereas, North Van forbids
the raising of the noble bird
by residents, thereby reveal-
ing itself as being insular,
anti-ecological, mean-
spirited and obviously ig-
norant of the pricelessness of

begins

A ban-on publication of
evidence - arising from the
case was imposed at Gor-
don’s first court appearance
in January.

The preliminary hearing
was not expected to be com-
pleted in: one day of testi-
mony, however, no followup

dates had been set to

presstime.

Andre’ S here!

Ande Gysin formerly.of Hair. Unique has ‘oined i us-
al uid invites his clients to join him at his new location.

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N. Vancouver

985-1512

include, shampoo, cut ‘and stylin
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atruly golden yolk brighten-
ing one's day.

It is not just that chicken
droppings, properly col-
lected, make some of the
finest tertilizer in the world,
or that leftovers from one's
plate may be recycled with
awesome perfection down at
the coop, or that the eggshells
themselves are a welcome in-
gredient in one’s garden, or
that a (resh egg is God’s reai
gift to humanity, or that
chicken flesh itself, cooked in
ten thousand different ways,
makes life worth fiving, or
even that, by studying the
behavious of one's chickens
one may grasp significant in-
sights into the workings of
Parliament and the civil ser-
vice alike, more to the point,

raising chickens is like learn- ~

ing Zen.

In the process of cleaning
the chicken coop, one comes
to understand the place of
humility in the scheme of
things. Whilst plucking the
eggs from their nests, one
becomes philosophical about
the exercise of power. In con-
templating the cost of
chicken feed and learning to
measure it against the price
of eggs at the supermarket,
one develops an under-
standing of economics that
surpasses the works of Adam
Smith, Marx, Keynes and
perhaps even Michael
Walker.

And then, of course, in the
distinct cry of the hen who

PERSONAL
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layeth the egg the discerning
car not capture the sound of
Creation itself? Pawk pawk
PAWK!

{n short, raising chickens is

a religious experience. By
contrast, slipping on goose
‘guano around Lost Lagoon is
like a scene out of Paradise

Lost. Boil their eggs, 1 say!

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