QUESTION: Last year I really was confused about . . Christmas. And this year it’s started again. In case you are curious, Iam 15. Yesterday, I. said to my mother, “I wonder what all PH get for Christmas.”” I sure wasn’t ‘ready for the blast I got from her all about thinking too much about what I’d get. She . says kids these days are always thinking abont what they can get and don’t ever think about what they can give - not just at Christmas but all the time. If giving is such a big thing, what’s so wrong about receiving? And do you figure kids today are a. lot more interested in getting than when you were a kid? STEWART: I think the kids. today TALK more about. **getting’’ than they did QUGUUDDAUORNURDURUODDERNONDUERNAUSUONOGNNOONT =| 7 : n Freelance ‘Counsellor,. Hayden Stewart does private counsel- ling as well as a grcat deal of - group work. * contacted at 261-6242. for. information and appointments. . Letters are always ‘welcome. ‘Mail them ‘to HAYDEN STEWART, c/o the North Shore News, #202-1139 Lons- dale, North Van. He can be.: ‘then follows - when I was a kid, but I don’t get the feeling they THINK about it anymore than we did. I was taught to act surprised when I got a gift - even at Christmas - and to say things like ‘‘you shouldn't have done it’’, and, ‘‘for me?’’. So, I think you kids today are more honest than we were but a heck of a lot less mannerly. Is that good or bad do you think? - Your mother isn’t the only one who climbs the: walls. over today’s kids being so frank about wanting to **get’’. [have a feeling that a lot of it is because we older people sense that we have failed in allowing Christmas to get so commercial and so QUESTION: Nobody has very much to say about depression. Well, they have . a lot to say, .but not much that makes good sense or that offers me a way to deal with it. Quite often I am very very _ depressed . and. . even ” more often I am somewhat. depressed. Now a straight . question. Why am I so prone to depression, when others, in worse ‘circumstances are net? . STEWART: Why don't I surprise everybody and try to Stick mght to your question? The question is ‘‘Why am I . depressed?’ I'll confine my- self to just two ideas that are ...usually passed by. I have : observed that a lot of people are depressed because they are putting off - postponing ‘doing something or saying something or becoming _ something which they know . ‘they want to do or say 0: . become and someday will.: For fear or shyness or lack of © inner resources they say, “Later on “I'll, take. the plunge, but not yet’. There depression, which in such circumstances amounts to one’s inner self materialistic. I think we feel - badly because we have done a bad job of remembering, on- his birthday a man who had some great and exciting new ideas about giving and loving. It’s sort of sad to remember. a great giver of love by fighting vur way . through the sales to buy things that will keep kids . happy who are thinking mostly about ‘‘getting’’. I think we adults feel guilty about contributing to the selfishness of Christmas, when we would like to— contribute more to its loving and giving. Perhaps-you can help turn the tide by being sure you give more and more love, not only at Christmas, but all year. saying “‘This is not good enough - there's more than this - when will you ever take the plunge? I am_ your depression telling you that you'll feel lousy until you let that dream come alive. Another answer to why | you are depressed may be | ‘this: Depression is often nothing much more. - than unexpressed or perhaps even unrecognized or unadmitted “anger. When anger (even anger levelled: at oneself) is - not admitted- to and not expressed in a constructive manner, it settles down deep within and simply becomes a heavy I luinp of blue. So, if you are ‘depressed, voadpecce ask yourself, ‘‘What action jj. : - aml postponing that I know I — “want .to. take?’’ and ask _ yourself, “Honestly now, what am.I angry about that I -am not. . dealing’ with con- structively?” You ‘may -need | some help in learning how to give your anger some fresh air and-exercise, but get: that help and do something about: it. Don't add dealing with your anger to the other things you are postponing. Two girls a day? He’s sick QUESTION: What do you think of a guy who frankly admits that his alm in life is to go to bed with at least two girls every day? That Is his only interest In life. STEWART: What do I think of him? I admire nim as a Quit your ‘ QUESTION: The Job I'm in takes a real driver to be good’ at it. The kind of job ft Is demands that I be a wheeling ‘dealing. intensive hustler. Now I’m just not that kind of | . person. It tan’t that Vio just too lazy, It’s more that I don’t WANT to be a driver. Now, before you say to me that I ought to get out of my job and do something I want to do, you'd better know this. Wm married and have three children and am helping care for my mother. In othor words I can’t Just walk out on my job because I have a lot of | ‘responsibilities and several people who are depending on me. In 42, and while I'm not worrled alsout money wint= ters, T am not loaded and could not afford to go very con-artist, he. got. YOU to take him seriously. But I feel sorry for anyone who has narrowed down his interests so much. Although I am very grateful that we have doctors who are specialists, 1 have always felt sort of sorry for ‘them. Eyen . doctors joke job - but plan ahead . long without a pretty good income, I really hate my Job, : but it is good .money.. What do YOU think | should do? ' STEWART: First, make up, your mind whether you are going to teach yourself to become a driver and stay in that. well-paying job. for another 25 years, or get out of it. [hope you decide to get out of it. Twenty-five years is 0 long, long time. But, perhaps you can hang in there for another 6 months or even a year or two, while you choose what you'd really like to do and then take all the steps necessary for your ‘preparation, and perhaps training for the new thing “you want to tackle. During that interim period, you may about — specialists being | people who know more and more about less and less. Your friend is missing a lot of life by narrowing down his interests so. drastically. He may be doing it because he is **sick’* - or he may be “‘sick"’ because he is doing it. be able to draw the ‘whole family into the preparation. _ If your. wife .is. not already working, perhaps she could. ‘do something that would ‘enable her to feel that she is’ a part of the team. The kids may help in their way. Plan a goal-reaching operation and follow through on tt. A word - of warning: don't enter into a lot ‘of day-dreaming and preparation with the idea of “‘secing how it goes" before . you decide to change your work. Decide first and then’ get into OPERATION PRE PARATION full tilt. Be ‘aware of the risk involved,: but also be: aware that if. there were no risk it would ‘hardly be worth it, Success to you! page 13, December 22, 1976 - North Shere News Thank yoo for your. enquiries and interest. in answer to your requests we are pleased to present: Chr ri istmea a Buffet December 25 . . Heritage Room. Full Christmas fare with allthe trimmings. Children welcome to use our indoor pool while Mom and Dad enjoy their dinner _$25." °° couple New Year's Eve "Heritage Dining Room ‘8p.m. - 2a.m. (one sifting only) ' 5Scoursedinner _ - Hats-Horns-Noisemakers Entertainment cafe rendevous sunday brunch buffet 11:00 - 4: 00 p.m. executive buffet © heritage room 11:00 a.m. - _ Monday - Friday discotheque 8:00 p. m. - 1: 00 a.m. - nightly - 3:00 p.m. $4.5 re Two © Shtings 4p.m.&7p.m. $6.°° Children under 12 $65. 00 “Golden Agers $3 & Children “couple "Miko & Maria | ™ , In theLounge | _Mon-Sat. eee eneeieal yplaze international horel 984-0611 PARTIES, WEDDINGS, ‘BANQUETS, CONVENTION FACILITIES 600 ROOMS & SUITES, TENNIS COURTS, SAUNAS, HEATED SWIMMING POOL | 1999 Marine Drive, North Vancouver, 8.C. FREE PARKING FOR 400 CARS |