38 — Sunday, February 2, 1992 - North Shore News CLUMPING UP and down the aisle, stalking the ‘*Father of the Bride’’ and the other genial characters in the new version of the movie by that name, is the traditional American wedding curse. It is the firmly held notion that when a young woman falls in love, her parents will fall in debt. Beneath a benevolent family Story, the point is dramatically made that any wedding to which people attempt to apply the ordi- nary budgetary restraints ap- propriate to their circumstances will be pitiful and unmemorable. Parents who care for their daugh- ters should not even hesitate to capitulate to such possibly ruinous demands as $1,200 wedding cakes and $250-a-head dinners, it argues. The mother of the bride makes © the point that paying attention to prices spoils the bride’s pleasure in her wedding. Then the felly of doing so is demonstrated when the few expenditures or cheaper alter- natives on which the father has insisted rzsult in disaster. By not buying the most expen- sive clothes for himself, he has had a dark blue dinner jacket foisted off on him as black and is tidicuied by everyone, even the neighborhood pol:ceman. That person is there to threaten the event tGecause the other saving, having only two valet-parking at- tendants instead of four, had in- duced presumably disgusted guests to leave their cars illegally block- ing the street. In this case, the family has enough money to handle demand- ing commercial interests. Both parents run successful businesses and, as the mother points out, they don’t travel or indulge in other luxuries. So, in a tender scene when the father catches the daughter reading budget tips, he vows not to put her through the humiliation of a reasonably priced wedding. It is not Miss Manners’ function to save people money they want to spend. So she would have happily ignored all this, were it not for the heavy insinuation that the driving force behind all this is — poor old etiquette. It is made to seem rude to ask prices for commercial ser- vices, and incorrect to limit wed- ding expenditures, even when they include planting tulips in the snow and making live swans waddle across the Jawn. Miss Manners had gone to the movies with the intention of min- ding her own business. In fact, she wasn’t even planning to mind that business, as, contrary to rumor, she does not go about life sniffing out other people’s eti- quette errors. She assumed the kindly attitude of a wedding guest, and didn’t even notice the fact that the wed- ding began with the ushers and bridesmaids marching erroneously up the aisle arm in arm, like so many couples at a group wedding, instead of having the decency to wait for the recessional. The fact that she was a-film critic in a previous existence was something LIFESTYLES New film gives etiquette a bad name Judith MISS MANNERS she had long put behind her, and this was just a night off, which she approached in the spirit of the heartwarming amusement that was obviously intended. Etiquette was just not what the sentimental story was about. Or so Miss Manners thought, until she realized that etiquette was portrayed as the villain — the handmaiden of commercialism, whose insidious ceremonial and emotional arguments always favored the spending of ex- travagant sums of money. Miss Manners is outraged. Eti- quette does not practise extortion. Even the particular rules that were cited as required by wedding etiquette were totally false. Where did they get the claim that the bride’s parents must pay the air fare of the bridegroom’s foreign relatives? Never mind that his family was shown as richer than hers — transportation for relatives Now in North Van TAOIST Tai_ Chi For HEALTH and RELAXATION Beginners class starts Wed. Feb. 5, 7-9 p.m. For information phone 681-6609 TAOIST TAI-CRi A Norprolit Organization ‘ARDAGH HUNTER TURNER Barristers & Solicitors IMPAIRED DRIVING AFTER HOURS _ FREE INITIAL CONSULTATION Criminat Matters Only 926-3181 [986-2 4366 | oa6-9086 #300-1401 LONSDALE, NORTH VANCOUVER, BC. has never been a hostly obligation. And midnight blue is the only color other than black that is, in fact, not considered vulgar for gentlemen's evening clothes. Its justification is the argument, made by highly fastidious gentlemen, that under artificial light, which is the only way even- ing clothes can be seen anyway, it looks blacker than black. But what Miss Manners resents most of all is the implication that in lesser cizcumstances — for ex- ample, in the only too common event that the parents’ businesses happened to be suffering from the recession — the couple could not have had a beautiful and proper wedding. What a_ thoroughly idea thai is. EAR MISS MANNERS — My fiancee and I disagree on the frequency of changing cloth napkins en our dinner table. I say if the napkin is not excessively dirty or used to the point that it is obviously time for a change, it is proper to fold one’s own napkin, place it in one’s own napkin ring, and reuse it the following evening. (At a minimum, the napkin should be washed on regular washdays.) My fiancee insists on changing the cloth napkin every night. improper Photc submitted A SCENE from Father of the Bride with Diane Keaton and Steve Martin. What is proper? GENTLE READER — Napkin rings owe their existence to the practice of skimping on laundry that you describe. That was their function; any charm or beauty was incidental. You might point out to your fiancee that the silver and carved napkin rings one sees at a decorative-arts museum o7 antiques show testify to the fact that respectable and even esthetically sensitive people suc- cumbed to this practicziity. But none of them ever argued that changing napkins with every meal was not an even better prac- tice — provided someone else couid be found to do all that washing. Miss Manners con- gratulates you on a fastidious fi- ancee, and on a marriage in which it is already clear whose chore the laundry will be. FREE SHOW TICKETS Watch for our special HOME AND GARDEN section including HOME SHOW DOLLARS in your North Shore News, February 12, 1992 Don’t forget to purchase tickets for the Kinsman Dream Home. Tickets can be bought at the Home Show or through the Kinsman Dream Home Lottery Hotline at 736-8335 TV THE VOICE OF NORTH AND WEST VANCOUVER: «north shore. SUNDAY « WEDNESDAY + FRIDAY 1139 Lonsdale Ave. North Vancouver V7M 2H4 (iat aaa BC PLACE STADIUM FEB. 14-23,1992