44 - Sunday, December 21, 1986 - North Shore News

SURVIVING CHRISTMAS GRACEFULLY
impersonal cards offend fage

DEAR MISS MANNERS — My cousin turns over the fam-
ily Christmas-card list to her husband's secretary, who sends
out the cards with just the printed names ‘‘Mary and John
Smith" to relatives. No handwritten message. Some feelings
are hurt at this — it seems a slap in the face to relatives to
have their cards commingled coldly at the office.

A lawyer we know has his secre-
tary send out printed cards to
women who are not clients or
business contacts but are family
friends who visit his mother, are

Manners
by Judith Martin

friendly with his sister and see him
at his house, not his office. They
send him cards that ure signed or
have a one-line handwritten greet-
ing. How much nicer it would have
been had he crossed out his Jast
name and just put ‘Best for the
holidays’ or ‘‘Hope you're fine’’
or “As always.’’ I see no offense
in someone else handwriting or
even typing the envelope, as long
as there is personalization of some
sort inside.

GENTLE READER — Miss

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Manners sees plenty of offense in
asking an office employee to send
one's personal Christmas cards —
but even more of one to the
employee asked to do such a non-
business task than to the friends
and relatives who receive such
travesties of greetings and good
wishes,

DEAR MISS MANNERS — I
had my son when 1 was 16 years
old. (U realize that is very young,
and.f don't advise anyone to have
a baby that young.) Now Tam 25
and he is 9. So many people say,
“Gosh, you were so young’’ or
“Oh, TF can't believe you had a
baby so young.’’ This has been
bugging me for years. What would
be a polite reply, though it's very
rude of them to say these things?

GENTLE READER — Miss
Manners agrees that these com-
ments are offensive, but strangely
enough, any indication of youth is
intended to be flattering in this
society. You cannot take these un-

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fortunate remarks as insults, but
you should not treat them as com-
pliments, either. A cold ‘Do you
think so?"' ought to cut off any
discussion,

DEAR MISS MANNERS — For
muny years now, T have sent gifts
on all special occasions ta my five
grandchildren, whose ages range
from eight to 16. To date, I have
not received so much as a thank-
you note or a phone call in uc-
knowledgment. 1 have discussed
this with my two daughters
(mothers of the children), with no
results,

Christmas is approaching, and
quite frankly I am feeling reluc-
tant. Do IT ignore the Christmas
gifts because of the children's poor
manners?

GENTLE READER — Your
children’s manners are now out of
your control, but you might try
working on your grandchildren’s.
A kindly itatk with cach, saying
that you had always hoped to
please them with your presents but
are afraid, from their lack of
response, that you failed, ought to
provoke a protest, at which you
explain the necessity of feedback
to keep generosity going.

Wee ae

f

vey vt

Marrs
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