A masterful
Maritime
adventure

Jan-Christian Sorensen

News Reporter
Sorensen@nsnews.com

“I must go down to the seas
again, to the lonely sea and shy,
and all I ask is a tall ship and
@ car to steer her by.”

OR something like that.
John MaseBeld Vm not.
However, that verse of “Sea

Fever” has a tendency to prey

on a mind when you're racing

down a darkened . Maritime
highway in a $150 Renault Le
- Car with a.25-foot sailboat -
mast jammed through - ‘the
windshield, a ing madman
behind the oe a &
A little background on the
aforementioned madman: a

sinewy, precocious lad in Saint
John, N.B., Jake Palmer had a

penchant for James Thurber, ©

" shrugge

Past. Great Projects might

“have only. brought: heartbreak

and sometimes bodily harm to
Jake and other assorted: family
members and friends, but he
plodded on nonetheless.

Jake was often infused with
an incredible passion for life.
Most of the time, however, it
was Alexander Keith’s India
Pale Ale.

He still likes it a lot. :

Jake had already towed the
boat back to his yard, but had

~leftsthe mast behind in the

boatyard:
I was to help him retrieve it.
_ L was:concerned for several
reasons,s.al! of ‘which Jake
‘f off: The $150 car —

- Which [Should . mention, had

no working lights or brakes but

- significant oil- and gas leaks —

~ photo Jan-Christian Sorensen

: DREAMER, schemer and
“ pseudo-satlor : “Cap'n”
Jake Palmer. :

ve John Lee Hooker and anything
with a ‘liberal application of
‘engine grease. He was a fly-by-
“~the-seat-of-his pants renais-
“sance man. He did things on a
whim. He ate things on a dare.
-. Barnum and Bailey could have
charged to see him.’
: His love of smoked, cured
“meats was legendary: NORAD
“could: have tracked his choles-
terol levels: One day, he made

“me_swear to put the following ~

“epitaph on his tombstone when
*' Be. died of the pork-induced
‘massive. heart attack he was
“always bracing for: “A quarter
‘pound of bacon a day made for
short but enjoyable stay”.

In short, this | was the man
“they call “Cap’ n” Jake Palmer.
‘Actually, nobody called. him
“Cap'n, although he. would
- often encourage them to do so.

“Why not?” hz would: say.
“[’ve got the hat.”

_ > In the winter of 1997, Jake
purchased a 1960s-era sailing
. vessel called the Kistiwake, _~
He’ planned .to. work all
“summer on sanding, polishing
‘and spit-shining the boat back

to its former glory and sailing

was neither registered nor
insured; Jake had no driver's
licence; He also had a bench
warrant out on him for a slew
of unpaid tickets.

He was of the opinion that,
if caught, the police would sim-

“ply shoot him to save .the

paperwork.
This made: me: nervous. I
was an official accomplice.

«I started to raise my con-
cerns with him, but he would-
n’t hear of it.

“Dye got Pioneer spirit,” he
said,

‘Ie was Jake’s signature non
sequitur; the sort of Donner-
party _ optimism that has
dogged his exploits from day

‘one.

“Pioneer “spirit” Was also

JAKE Palmer’s ingenious method of transporting his 25-foot sailboat mest froma ‘Saint John, N. B. boatyard .

"SALTS TENE REN aE ADSI VE

Friday, September 1, 2000 - North Shore News - 27

openrod

to his home, nearly 30 kilometres away. The Renault LeCar was henceforth dubbed the “Car-Kabob”.

what secured Jake a badly

sprained ankle. while trying to:

leap from a speeding train one
night. After a night of carous-
ing at a popular downtown
Irish bar, Take stole a ride home
on a southbourd CN Rail cun-
voy that rolled out of the train-
yards at a snail’s pace but hit 60
km/h by the time it reached his
neighbourhood.

“Better than hitchiking,” he -

said the next day, in between

limping from point A to point “>

” So, with pioneer spirit and a
hastily composed prayer on my
part, we set out, sticking to
backroads and trying to avoid
the 11 p.m. and 1 a.m. nightly
rounds made by Saint John’s
finest.

Before we reached the boat-
yard, Jake stopped the car and
stepped out. He then pulled
out a hammer and smashed a
gaping hole in the windshield’s
passenger side.

I was beyond asking ques-
tions at this point. .

Parking in a neighbour's
yard, we crept into the boat-
yard and found the mast.

Being the Marites in mid-
March, the mast was still frozen
solid into the ground. _

Jake, as always, was pre-

Complete’
Collision

up. and down the far-ranging .

_ Saint John River.
“ce T.-think «he. half-pictured

himself with the eyepatch and -. me

"parrot, perched atop the crow’s
~ nest with a telescope.

And so, the sailboat took its -
“place, in Jake’s long fine of

; Great Projects.

a St elie Behe ee

ae

pared. He handed me a Phillips
head screwdriver.

“Start chippin’,” he said.

I did. I always tried to stay
on Jake’s good side. The way I

figured it, when he finally did |
“snap, he might spare me.

After a few minutes of ham-

mering away at the ice with
numb fingers and getting
nowhere, I was’ about to call it
quits.
That was when I heard the
dog growl. The boatyard’s res-
ident canine guardian loomed
heavy over my shoulder like
Cerberus, ears tucked back and
teeth bared. ;

For once I feit for the fami-
ly of Old Yeller instead of the
rabid pup.

Luckily . the owner of the

See Police page 26°

AUTOMOTIVE | |
H - Summer Tune Up ||
i

ie |!

jwith this ad. Expires Sept. 30. (Not va with any other ofter If

988-2239 |
L110 Fell Ave, Nort Vancower 4

Glass replacement
Ba in draft paint spray system fer

ARA certified body shop .-

fas

- 183 Pemberton Ave. North Van." 985-71 95

My
g PR No ERO eR Tee 2 TS Ot 9 8}

Pe ee ee

“afd 10 point inspection.

Most makes and models.

5. For fires, brakes, fune-ups

‘aad othar ma

SUMMER SPECIALS ee

AtL SERVICE BY GOVT. REGISTERED 1 TecHmicuns. ~

oe of BC's op AsCare tecriclans el check
gina oe
reading & full road test” =: -

Service Coouna Systew

Pressure test rad., CK water pump, hosas, betts,
chai & renew antheaze. New arhiroeze need

AtNo Charge” :
Ain CONDITIONING -
Cueck up

d G
(res Taylor) we Dave Panes
+ wntSue Avery

Luse, One & Fuver—
Check battery, antifreeze, belts & hoses
tires & brakes, visual inspection report” sie,

fies,
Possibly North Shores most professional tube Jobs.” *

All above with written B.C.A.A., inspection
report, rotate tires, top up all fluids road test.
OPT. ALIGN. CHK. PRINTED REPORT a

ALIGNMENT = THE BEST
Finest cordless Hunter computerized
alignment, by certified technicians, ®
~ produces full before & after report &
technicians road test - your choice

* Brake linings & mufflers carry a lifetime warranty.
* Price covers most cars & light trucks. | .

FAEE RIDE HOME TALK 1 Ne
YELLOW —

299-91
my ici
£79 Perrin, Novi Vn. [5 bk South of Marine Deel,

ee we we ot oe oe esarccy

ha