14 — Wednesday, February 10, 1999 ig —___ ZZ Sa ~ North Shore News north shore news PARENTAL GUIDANCE Driving mothers to distraction “Tj just can’t get over it,” I marveled to my 16-year-old son as I climbed into the pas- senger side of my car. “Whar's that, Mother?” he asked, his voice noticeably deeper than it was 15 min- utes ago when we decided to go ont for a little spin. “You behind the wheel,” I sighed, feeling oddly emo- tional. “Better get used to it, Mother,” he advised. “I’m a drivin’ man now, not the immature little boy I used to be.” Maybe not, but it seems like only yesterday when I had to strap that diapered, chubby-cheeked little cherub into his baby seat every time we got into the car. In fact, didn’t I just pack away the Lego fort last week- end? And wasn’t it his yo-yo that went through the wash- ing machine the other day? Now there he sar, behind the wheel himself, and me feel- ing as if | might need a dia- per. The boy had been counting down the days for the last three years ro get to his 16th birthday, just so he could finally sic behind the steering wheel. He was ready for driving all right, bur like hundreds of thousands of parents before me, [ wasn’t. We lurched out of the dri- veway, both hearts pounding fast, and wheeling around that first curn at the end of our block, I realized the boy was at no loss for confidence. In fact, he was downright cavalier. From whence this confidence came, | dared not speculate, but I knew at that moment that I was embark- ing on what might be the greatest challenge of my par- enting career: teaching my child to drive a real car. “Don’t worry, Mother,” he tried to reassure me. “1 know what [’m doing.” “Don’t look at me when you're driving,” I shricked at him frantically. “Keep your eves on the road at aif times!” Long repressed memories of my own experience learn- ing to drive flooded my brain like uninvited rain showers in the middle of a golf round. My own mother’s terrified remonstrations of “For God's sake, slow dowa Shannon, you'll kill us ail!” rang in my ears, and that constant thump thump thumping of her right foot against the floorboards of the passenger side of the car made my temples throb. At the first big intersec- tion my own right foor jumped to an imaginary brake as [ held my breath, expecting the worst. { stomped the floor in panic, but the car would not stop. The boy was a little light on the brakes, to be sure, and we exceeded the crosswalk by a dozen feet or so, but he remained calm. In fact, when I finally caughe my breath, he patted me on See Controlling page 15 Rational battles with emotion THOSE of you who are, or have been, par- ents will readily identify with what I am about to Say. Kids can drive you nuts. Now I’m not talking about frustrating you or getting you angry, I’m referring to the complete and total breakdown of all rational thought and your transformation trom a great-person-next-door into a shrieking, maniac who forces all of the windows shut in a two block radius. Whar gives here? Having been in the educa- tion field, where every day is like walking blindly down a trail between the mother bear and the cub, I have often pon- dered where the rational mind goes when it comes to our own children. This week, having finished much of Daniel Goleman’s book, Emotional Intelligence, 1 have discovered that the mind doesn’t go anywhere, but the part of the brain that deals with rational thought can cer- tainly be hijacked by the sec- tion of the brain that deals with irrational thought. Let me explain. It turns out our brains are divided into different arcas, with a section call the amyg- dala doing all the emotional things and a section called the neocortex constantly running, to catch up with some com- mon sense. Scientists have discovered that impulses from the various senses in the body are chan- neled to the brain and divided, reaching the amygdala faster than the neocortex. Hence, we Technology ‘sammy SO often act before we think. Scientists are also working on the theory that stimuli coming from our own children go directly to the amygdala and do not pass go or collect in the neocortex. They take a direct path to our emotions, short-circuiting all rational thou t, driving blood pressure rough the roof, sucking the colour from our hair and accelerating the natural aging process by a fac- tor of 10. In fact, these signals actually result in the gradual decline of the entire neocorti- cal area, leaving parents + ab- bling in the comers or run- ning to hide in the bathroom. OK, I made that part up — it’s only a factor of five for aging, but you get the idea. When it comes to our chil- dren, we are victims of hard- wiring mechanics intended ro raise our response level imme- diately, so that we can protect our children from the sabre- tooth tigers waiting outside our caves. Unfortunately for our chil- dren, since something deci- mated the habitat of the sabre- tooth cons ago, it is they who are often the unwitting recipi- ents of our fight or flight hys- terical reactions. Don’t get me wrong, our children are not necessarily innocent victims. I think sometimes they can see the “hotline” button to our amyg- dala and are only too anxious tO press it, just to see how many veins they can pop in our foreheads before the neo- cortex, awakening from a mid- day nap, tries to put every- thing back in perspective. Way back when, somcone came up with the idea of counting to 10 before responding to stimuli that made you angry. 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