what are these “perfor- °
mance-enhancing

Not to SUEBESt that the
rystal’ Meth’ 1000- Yard
Sprint.be
‘Olympic event *y
“means, lets. us, have’ athlet s.

hould get them into the
sof those who reall

that gets lapped by every’

quad on the field is to juggle :

the order in‘which they limp.

: cand stumble ‘around the track.

‘Nothing. ‘called.a “shuffle”
“is ever. going to be recognized
as'an Olympic event. Coach.
«Glen needs Brain, Powerade

“who tip-toed tong d the *.*
“Balance Bar this year with,::
copies of the budget in each:
mugly.as a.schoolgirl

“who got 10 out of 10 on her. a

math homework.

tistic iC mpresion | in the’
Budget Surplus’ Freestyle.
Doling out som
milk-money.to ‘over- educated

professional students is strictly

bit of Ic ‘ined at bl show

make up the tax “allergic mid
dle class. ‘and want somebody

¢ 10 pick up ‘the bar tab of”

their offspring. *
Mr. Martin has over-;

© charged and short-changed us
-like.a corner store finger-ban-
dit,

“Never mitid the vague
promises of future “tay relic!™:

cif he’ had an ounce of the.

sense or decency, you would:
ind in your ‘focal grocery

‘store; he'd give us OUR.

money back NOW, 20270"
All of it, not just ‘fobbing

tax breaks thar kiss upto low-
“income voters (who happen to:
-be.in the majority}, but the =

whole roll, cach according Bt

_what he or'she paid.

©) But he won't. nO
“He's saving up, because’:

“come election time, he’s going ,
“to take us outon the town, :

~" rip the staves off the petty
-cash pork-barrel and show us

ila good time. .”:; \,
We'd better put on our”

ancy lingerie and tig. for’

depth charges because. Mr. ©

-Martin‘and the whole: Liberal

part ill be, “feeling lucky.
And why ‘shouldn’t th ye

They'll be buying us with our:
own mone ’

i cy" re re being. call
ye ar" $s pop and bee

Lawe’re xpecting this bunch of

ead walking pro- “abor::
ts to pick upt the:

ing Gerito

“This is the genc tion that

“eepry the

“in low paid “entry level” jobs:

for the next:20 years belore:

‘committing its Boomer par-:

ents to pasturage: at the
Twilight Retirement Ranch.

But have you ever rated
the level of that quaint con-
“work ethie,” dis-
played by most of them on:
the job? -: ,

‘Their universal job- task,
regardless of the.industry.’

- they're employed in, consists

of re-arranging the posted
shift schedule soit won't
interfere with parties, rock:

*..climbing, parties, bike-riding,
parties, snowboarding, part 5,
‘or hanging out and shooting!

hoops with their. buds.

They apparently regard the

" pay-cheque, not as payment’

“for work performed, but as a

kind of punitive damage set-..,

tlement for the.“loss of enjoy.”
_ementof fife” sustained by sim- |

ply turning up at work mare
or less on time? 2 ‘

It's casy to pick ‘ona | gen:

eration so devoid of imagiita- |

tion that even the media
trained to make siail-mating a

_ crisisevent, and its own repre:

sentative writers are re reduced ,

“to > referring. toit bya gle

“Tetter used in-algebraic equa- a
- tions to deseribe an unguant :

fied variable.
Remember when women

‘thought: “she” and “hee” were.

prejudicial personal pronouns

and ‘made us‘use “person” iy

“all sorts of silly constructs}.

© How. would you like to be ** ;

* deseribed’as an-X, or aY, or’

an A ora B, for that matter?
We, their parents, can

hardly claim to ‘have taught ! a

“them better.
So Ross the: Boss is more |

~ than just. aTokesman for his!

Generation; he embodies it
“and all that passes for the

Olympic tradition at the | turn. a

of the millennium. ..

‘The mais 26 years ‘old
and The Best Snowboarder i in’
‘the World.

» What, does this say about |
him? ;

At says, its! danin luck
.. thing for him the Olympic
"pundits ‘decided whatever '
“blend of adulterated;:non= ©
Food, & Drug approved |
“wacko-weed he prefers toa‘e:
“fine Cuban: cigar is less t mora
“ly offensive than Silken | ie

* erwise, thi

‘Hel get ea se
» his. ;

‘And a wood. thing too.
because had they decided oti
would, be,
standing i in front.of a mirror

‘7 in the cubicle bathroom ‘ofa;
“studio condo squat in: Whistler:

shared with 16 other ‘slop
ising saying, “Wo ld

. enhancing Than :

Not really all

one true mirac drug th

make. us, totally j imniune to BS

‘in any form

‘If those drugs ate Nu

th re, T want.them,

f yput
i you have.a column ‘please
send it c/o. The Editor, North

ee kates Lions ralse money 0 help uPA