54 -

Ten-year marriage ‘has
it all’-except for sex

Dr. Ruth
Westheimer

Q. MY HUSBAND and !
have not had sex in almost
{wo years.

White this bothers me, it
dcesn't bother him at all. Ee says
sex is unnecessary, Toam net 50
sure about that.

We're both in our early 36s,
married for almost 10 years. 1
think this is a littie soon to quit
having s

We get along well in every otiser
way. He is affectionate with me, a
good husband and father. We
bath have satisfying careers.

tT have no reason to believe he's
involved with another woman. in
fact, most of my friends think I
have a perfeet life.

Someone is always ‘elling me.
“You really do have it all!’ If
they only knew! i have it all, ex-
cept sex.

—-———

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Puta litte spice in your tifet

4811 Lonsdale Avenue
North Vancouver, B.C.

is that: unusual? Or cause tor
concernl Or some das when we sre
Tess busy will we become sexual
again?

AL TP you both aureed that ses
WHS Necessary LO your mairiuge,
{ would say. Fine!" Since you
arent happs with the lack of ses,
I sugeest a counsellor.

Means hile, § hope sou. and fie.
are masturbating. Sex mas not be
Necessary tO survival in the sane
way food, air anid water , but
SUN rerese as vertainly impor:
tH.

Even aft sour husband
mind nor having ses, he should be
woling to satisfy your needs and

doesn't

desires too. Phere may be other
probiems underivinyg fits
Cisipterest.

(). My wife and I have gotten a
fol of good information abaut sex
from reading your column.

We've been married nearly 40
years, and wien we pot started,
there wasn’t) much information
available, Thanks ¢o vou, 1 know
net to worty because my perfor-
mance now isn’t quite what it was
in my south.

However, one issue in til
bothering me. T feel bad when we
don't have our orgasms clase to
the same time.

Often during sex ft tase my erec-
tion for 3 while. E continue mak-
tng Jove to her and usually pet it
back, hut she will have her
orgasm 3 while before have
mine,

Does that lessen the emotional
closeness for a woman? Should we
be trying to hold her off until I
am closer? I want the sexual expe-
rience to be as good for us as
possible,

A. Bravo that you are sufi so
concerned about being a good

lover favour wite!

But you should stop worrying
shout whether or not vou have
orgasms at the same time. As long
as son are both watisfied, it does
Not rather.

Do net foeus so much on the
timing of orgasms, and absolutely
doonot tery fo held her off. You
aeg dotug what a maa should do
When he hus ditticulay maintaining
GN cretion’ vonwentrating on sour
PAITUMAT s picdsaure.

QQ. Whs would a woman con-
tinue to delay lusemaking several
moaths inta a dating relationship?

Poam 33 and seving a woman
who is St. The age difference
doesn’t bother me, but tooam
wondering if it is a factor in her
continued denial of the strong
sexual chemistry between ts,

T know she tikes me; she’s made
that clear in every way but this
one. Also, she's told me that ber
ex-hushand was only affectionate
with her when he wanted sex, then
as svoo as the sex was over, he
putied away.

Could she be

afraid the same
thing would happen with me?

A. £ think she’s making a
mistake if that is her motivation
for delaying sex. She shouldn't
compare vou to her ex-husband.
Reassure her that you won't stop
being affectianate once you have
begun having sex.

{tis also possible, however, that
she is concerned abcut her body.
She may feel self-conscious about
exposing an older body to a
younger man.

Buy her a lovely negtigee. ask
her to madel it for you, and make
love to her whiie she’s wearing it.

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