A8 - Wednesday, January 23, 1985 - North Shore News

Mice don’t make much noise

TRADE, which had asked me to give a

T: THE VANCOUVER BOARD OF

speech, Cassandra Collins said he would give
“no-speech, but would deliver a tirade-entitled What
In The World Is Going On In The World? And we
would talk about cats and mice.

You are herwith invited to
peep through the door, for
one can be sure that what was
said will not make the front
pages of: Vancouver’s one-
and-a-half newspapers.

_ To. catch people’s atten-
‘tion,. the best thing you can

do -is to belt them in their -

prides. So the Board of Trade
folk were'asked what the hell
-they meant by letting this
country get into such a mess.

get this
straight

Were they, men or were they -

“mice? |

. : “in the schools
“for mice.
Seven. mouse. .
prayers have:
"been all but.
wiped out.’?

wered. my’own ques-
aturally, . adding for

ood: measure-that mice are:

pared: ‘to the

"Canadian. But.

even mice can fight, and what
as needed was anew Mighty
louse; “For he’ knew how to

=» Cats. of: ‘all “kinds; 1 told
“them, have robbed .them ‘of
their .cheese. and ~ are “now
: playing them to death just for
«fin, But the Board of Trade
ice’ hadn't even squeaked.
Af. they. had, «the "country
uldn’t: resemble a third-

grade ‘flea circus.. Nor was °-
Were done wrong nigh on half

ithere any: sign of: improve-
ment, the -Canadian: mouse

apparently liking to be chas-' _

-up his’ own' hole. ”
The. latest’ example of this
was the universality. f business.

‘for
“mouse, lets it. be known that

- Doug Collins

The prime minister, famous
being both cat and

millionaires don’t need the

_child allowance. Then, seeing
“afew angry cats around, he
“soon agrees with Broadcat
_and Turncat that millionaires
: do need child allowances.

- Do the Board of. Trade

ice go down to Ottawa and

pelt their tormentors with

rotten cheese? Of course nat.
~They don't even, wag their.

whiskers.

‘As with ‘baby allowances,
‘So with everyting else. Female

cats who claim they've had

.their bums patted by male
‘mice’ can now collect big
‘bucks for complaining to the —
-human wrongs cats. And the
Ottawa‘ cat..is even’ now get-
‘ting’ ready to grovel before

Japanese cats who claim they

a century ago.
French ~ cats,:

meanwhile,
sare very active, and lick up
“Most of the federal cream.
~: The symbol for this is the of-

fice of the Official Languages
Cat, in which French cats
predominate to the tune of 74
per cent. In Quebec, the poor
English mice are hardly
allowed to squeak at all,
there being only one official
language and it being a crime
for an English-squeaking
mouse to display a business
sign in English only.

Do the Vancouver Board
of Trade mice trade punches
with the French cats over
such Tom-cattery? No. They
are too busy nibbling on
whatever bits of cheese the
French cats are pleased to
leave them, and are humbly
happy that they are still
allowed to use English in the
Mouse Newsletter.

The mice don’t even know
that they will soon have to
yieid their modest mouse-
runs to cats. from India,
China, etc. Ottawa cats and
the media cats are always tell-
ing them, you see, that the
only good mice are those who
make way for more cats from
all over. And it is now very
dangerous for mice to squeak
their opinions. They can end
up in jail for ‘spreading false
news’’.

In the schocls for mice,
even mouse prayers have
been all but wiped out, |
reminded them. Foreign cats
musi ever feel offended.
That is now the golder: rule in

The Comp

lere Kitc

Mouscland. That’s why
Israel Ludwig, Chief Cat of
the Multicultural Cat Socie-
ty, has recommended that all
mouse holidays like
Christmas and Easter be

done away with. Such days
are un-catlike, he said.

Mice don’t make much
noise, but there was a bit of
excited squeaking over all’
this.

HEN Center

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