Summer primer

* THE SEASON of ihe
househusband is upon us.

Paul
St. Pierre”

PAULITICS & PERSPECTIVES

Women and children flee the
family demesne for holidays on
the grandparents’ farm or
Disneyland and the male, whose
work is never done, remains.

Despite what the feminists
claim, the sexes in our society are
not equal in ail respects. While
any man may win a passing mark
at the outdoor barbecue, there is
not one in 20 who keeps a house
to women’s standards.

Those standards are largely in-
visible. They resemble what
religionists call a state of grace,
perceptible only to the high
priests.

However, we must strive for
them, whatever they may be, and

. advice never hurts.

MISSING SOCKS

In houses where wives com-
mand the clothes washer, half a
pair of socks goes missing, on
average, every third wash day.

Some husbands are convinced it
is a deliberate act by their spouses
who, cursed with an inability to
remember and retell a good story,
try to get their laughs by practical
jokes.

This is an unworthy suspicion
as he will now discover. When he
is in charge, single socks disappear
at exactly the same rate.

‘Nobody can say what happens
to half-pairs of socks. We know
that missing socks form the outer
two rings of Saturn but we don’t
know why. .

It must be all part of a Divine
plan and no doubt on Judgment
Day all our missing socks, with
our name on the bundle, will be
presented us by the Heavenly
Host.

The man who is bothered by
getting back only one of the two
socks from the washing machine
has nobody but himseif to blame.
His problem is easily overcome.

Early in life, at junior high
school graduation day, say, every
mate should decide wheiher he is
going to wear grey, blue or brown
clothes all the rest of his life.

Once that decision is made, he
can buy socks of m ‘ching colors
and identical appearance.

His socks will go rnissing from
the machine at exactly the same
rate, but it won't matter any more
because in his entire wardrobe,
one sock matches every other

for the solo

sock. You just buy some more
identical socks from time to time.

THE BATHTUB OVERFLOWS

Positive thinking helps.

If your wife were here, she
would remind you in that ir-
ritating way that wives have that
she has insisted for six months
that you hire a plumber and that
you have replied that plumbers,
like doctors, don’t know their
own trade. ft is much better that
you deal with the situation now
privily.

The flooded bathtub is a good
test of a househusband’s common
sense. As he stands ankle deep in
sudsy water that has come over
the sides of the tub he will reveal
whether he has what is needed to
run a house free of pain and guilt.

First, assess the situation. Well,
no, not the first. First turn off the

damn taps.

The second job is to see how
this catastrophe can be met with
the least possible inconvenience.

Cleanliness does not enter the

calculation. This is soapy water.
You were going to wash yourseif
in it.

Anything good enough to wash

you is good enough to wash a
bathroom floor.

It is in this spirit that you

should approach the question of
whether to get a mop and pail and
whether there are enough days be-

fore your wife’s return for the
water to disappear by evaporating

and going down into the floor-

boards where it can’t matter
anymore. i.
Almost always it will be seen

Society opens NV social housing project

THE ENTRE Nous Femmes
Housing Society recently
opened the 19-home
Margaret Heights social

“housing project in North
Vancouver.

The project, located at 1800
Rufus Dr., wit! provide 19 homes
for low-income families. it also
includes two two-bedroom units
that have been modified to ac-
commodate the physically dis-
abled.

© Complete system check
© Front whee!
@ Machining of front rotors

¢ Installing new metallic pads
© Topping up fluid

e | Compo rood test

ring service

“We rely on efforts of com-
munity groups like Entre Nous
Femmes Housing Society to pro-
vide housing for those in need,”’
said North Vancouver MP Chuck
Cook.

“The members of this organiza-
tion make a valuable contribution
to their community,’’ he added.

B.C. Housing Minister Robin
Blencoe said the project provides
much-needed -housing for families
in North Vancouver.

The Margaret Heights develop-
ment is funded under the feder-

E> .
A ISMISSION -

1 SERVICE.

INCLUDES
_ © Install new fluid
® Clean screens
© Full adjustment
* New pan gasket
‘© Complete road test
°C/V joint inspection

ai-provincial social housing pro-
gram which, in six years, has pro-
duced over 11,000 social housing
units in B.C.

The society will receive an an-
nual subsidy of $232,000 to ensure
that tenants pay no more than
30% of their income for rent. The
federal government will cover
two-thirds of the subsidy through
the Canada Mortgage and Hous-
ing Corp., and the provincial gov-
ernment will contribute one-third
through B.C. Housing.

— Brakes
-— Custom and
dual exhaust
— Automatic and
standard
transmissions
-—- Clutches and
all drive-line
components
— 25 Ton
motorhome and
truck hoist
— All work
guaranteed
* May not ce combined
with any other offer.
Expires June 15/92
Most cars & light trucks.

Friday, July 3, 1992 — North Shore News - 9

that time, the great healer, will
repair the bathroom.

You may, however, choose to
get in a professional plumber
while she is absent. She need
never know that you did it and
where the eye cannot see that
wounding expression ‘‘I told you
so”’ cannot be spoken.

DUST

We have said it before and ap-
parently we must say it again.
Dust is no problem if you leave it
alone.

Dust is composed of tiny parti-
cles that are so light that many of
them will take more that two
weeks to fall and two weeks is the
length of time of the average
housewife’s vacation.

Dust is composed of minute
particles, bits of our dandruff and
itsy bitsy mites that feed on the

Thing

househusband

dandruff and then poo.

Much of dust is mite excrement.
Do you want the excrement de-
posited on the furniture or do you
prefer to stir it up into the air
where you car. breathe it? Exactly.

; So don’t stir up dust. Let it set-
tle.
FULL-BLOWN
CATASTROPHES

Frightful things can occur. The
carpet burns. The fridge fails, and
the smell when you open the door
is unspeakable.

For these and others, go lie
down with a good book.

Remember the ofd movies where
the U.S. Cavalry arrives, TARA
TATATARA, just in time to save
the wagon train? So, also, help is
on its way to you. She will come
home. .

S are

not always as
they appear.

When we begin looking past the outward appearance
of things, new possibilities open up. Join Michael B.
Thorneloe, a former lawyer, now a Christian Science
practitioner and lecturer, while he walks through the
countryside of his native England, and examines his
lifelong experience as a practicing Christian Scientist.

His half-hour talk is titled:

Square

Sunday,
July 4
at 1:00 p.m. on
Vision TV
(Shaw Cable Channel 30)

Sponsored by First Church of Christ Scientist, West Vancouver
Michael 8. Thormeloe is a member of The Christian Science Board of Lectureship.

Spring and Summer merchandise by Margareta,
Adrienne Vittadini,;Como and more.

West Vancouver open Friday, July 3 — 1am-9pm

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