KIDS today know a lot
more about sex than
they did in my day, and
they’re down right
cocky about it too.

My kids actually think they
know more about sex than I
do. Oh sure, they've had ali
the sex education that today’s
school curriculum provides
{and that’s considerable}, and
no doubt thev've even
absorbed the basic concepts.
But hey, I've conceived and
delivered three children and
been sexually active (well, sort
of) for some time now myself:
its not like I'm in the dark
here.

Kids arrogance aside, I
think the schools do an excel-
lent job with sex education.
Given the wonderful and cre-
ative tools they have to work
with, like the impressive fife-
sized replica I saw of the male
penis and the imaginative and
entertaining cartcon videos
they show, it’s no wonder kids
are so knowledgeable.

~ But apparendy not all chil-
dren respond positively to this
oper: and graphic approach to
sex education. A friend of
mine told me a story recently
thac illustrates this.

It seems her daughter's
Grade 6 class was viewing 3

sex-ed video a few weeks back.

It was the one that shows all
the differently shaped and
sized fying penises with glass-
es on designed to illastiate
that this particular male
organ, like the human nose,
comes in all shapes and sizes
(clever, huh?).

Pea tceeet

While the girls all warched
ippreciatively, some of the
boys were clearly uncomfort-
able. One young fad was so
upset by the sight of the
bespectacled penises that he
threw up, vup, literally barfed
right in front of the whole
class. And no, guys, it wasr.t
the flu. Which brings me to
the whole point of this col
umn, and that is that T think
men, particularly grown up
ones, are less comfortable
with the scientific side of sex
(ignoring those lads in the
field of science of course} than
women are.

Men in my generation and
older seem to have trouble
especially with Latin derivative
scientific terms for sexuzlly
related things. In short, untess
you speak in sling when
you're talking about sex, mien
are likely to get queasy; some
even bart.

The term penis is an excel-
lent example of the language
men are uncomfortable with.
Let’s face ir, how often do
you hear men refer to their
sexual organ by its real name?
(Can't say I blame them, the
word penis hardiv evokes a
sense of machismo; rather it
evokes an image of something

Friday, April 10, 1998 — North Shore News — 7

arden of sex

puny and delicate).

Nope, the male of our
species is entirely more com-
fortable using pet names like
doogie, the Terminator, Mr.
Happy, and thar old family
favorite of ours, the Whopper.

And every man F know
regardless of age lowers his
voice an octave or so when he
refers to his sexual organ, no
matter what he calls it.

On the other hand, most
women I know use the proper
scientific names for sexual
things.

Men in my father’s genera-
tion have a totally different
language for sexual reproduc-
tion, scientific in its own way.
My dad, for example, uses the
term gunkapooch io refer to
anv external parr of a woman's
body that is below the navel
and above the knee. For inter-
nal references. he uses termi-
nology from the plant family.

Here’s a sample of this
dialect: one night several vears
ago my whole family was over
at my parents’ house tor din-
ner. When my mother had to
leave the table suddenly, my
tarher explained. “Your moth-
er has a gunkapooch prob-
Jem™ (translation menopause ).

My brothers and husband
all nodded knowingly.

“Actually, it’s in her hibis-
cus,” he elaborated. There
were appreciative “hmmms”
and “ahbhhs”™ from the men,
who all looked verv intelligent
and sympathetic.

“Is that anywhere near the
chrysanthemum?” [ asked,
searching for a little relief’
trom this menu of misnomers.

Fired up about beach burning

beach and decided to celebrare my birthday
with a fire and some friends? I guess that laws
apply to some and not others, eh?

Only in Canada would be my guess.
Lynn Dawson
North Vancouver

Dear Editor:

1 was most distressed to read about the fire
jumping at Ambleside beach in celebration of
the Iranian New Year. I cannot believe that
these people did not need a permit to light the-
ses fires. What would happen if T went to the

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The comment flew right oe ce mee GD cers nee cone ee ome oe ee oe
over their heads.

As aman, mv husband is i Fe
naturally fuenc in this lan- .
guage too. Shortly after I gave |
birth to our first child I was
visited by my family in the
hospital. My dad took my
husband aside and asked him
how I was doing.

“Sore gunkapooch,” my
husband answered. “She had a
little trouble with the placen-
ta.7

“John,” my mother inter-
jected, “Your father-in-law
thinks vou're talking about a
plant trom Mexico.”

“She's suppased to soak
her fobelia in a warm bath,”
mw husband continued.

My mother and I just
looked at each other and
shank our heads.

Last week I did some
shopping for some spring gar-
den supplies. Included in my
purchases was 3 clematis,
which [ bad selected to plant
along a fence in our yard.

My husband showed
unusual humor as he carried
the potted clematis trom the
shed to the newly dug and
fertilized hole we had pre-
pared for it. F noticed he was
chuckling to himself as he
approached me. “Something
funny?” J asked.

“f just can't believe they
would name a plant after a
woman’s private part,” he
marveled, showing me the
nametug on the plant.

No wonder kids today are
so cocky about their knowl-
edge of sex. Oh well, at feast
he didn’t barf.

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