4 ~ Sunday, August 16, 1962 -

Just what are

North Shore News

FAR BE it from me to speak lightly of female mammary
glands or sacs, as they’re technically known. As an admirer
of paradox, if nothing else, I would have to revere them.

It may be a personal
psychological hangup.

My dear departed mother told
me that as a premature infant |
had a gagging problem and
couldn't be breast-fed. It was the -
beginning of the Second World
War, which had something to do
with the inveation of canned milk,
which is what kept me alive.

If P'd been born even a month
before Carnation milk arrived on
the market, I'd probably have
died. (So now you know who to
biame.)

I mention this to keep the
reader with a background of
Freudian analysis happy. My ex-
cuse for an abiding interest in
breasts, I can always argue, stems
from a denial of a chance to slurp
successfully on a nipple.

Well, a chance to do it back
then is what I mean. .

So I simply may be nursing-
challenged. Is that the right way
to put it? Not representative of
males at all.

STRICTLY PERSONAL

On the other hand, from what I
read, and, more importantly,
from observing the behavior of
fellow males — heterosexuals, at
my rate — when a particularly
magnificent assemblage of fematfe
upper-chest fatty tissue goes by,

Mitchell calls debate

WEST VANCOUVER-Garibaldi
Liberal MLA David Mitchell has
called for a public debate with
Capilano-Howe Sound MP and
Associate Minister of National
Defence Mary Collins over the
. federal government's decision to
spend $4.4 billion on the purchase
of military helicopters.

“Collins claims that this deal is
going to result in significant
spin-cff benefits to British Coi-
umbia. ! think she should prove
it. There has to be some public
accountability for this incredible
expenditure of taxpayer money
during a time when the federal
debt has climbed to over $400

billion and 1.6 million Canadians
are unemployed,” said Mitchell.

He added that the money for
the military helicopter purchase
would be better spent in the areas
of job training, education and in-
frastructure ‘‘so we can better
face an increasingly competitive
world economy.”’

“Ms. Collins has so far failed
to adequately defend this deal to
her constituents and to the people
of British Columbia. | challenge
her to debate the supposed merits
for British Columbia with me at
the earliest possible opportunity,”
said Mitchell,

“MERCEDES-BENZ 190E 2.3

IF driving a Mercedes- and power windows

Benz has always been . and door locks are

your desire, there may standard equipment.
i si LEASE terms

never be a more desir-
able time for you to
lease one than right now.

OUR 190E models offer state-of-

the-art technology. advanced
safety engineering, spirited fuel
injection performance and the
legendary Mercedes-Benz quality.
Air conditioning. power sunroof,

A Moonrir

are
based on 36 months,
with a $7,500 down payment
and a residual value of $20,000.
O.A.C, licence, PDE and taxes
are extra. Please visit us today -
and fet us do all we can to make
leasing a Mercedes-Benz as
rewarding as driving one.

uN

MERCEDES-BENZ CANADA INC.

the bare necessities? |

I'd say I am not the only one with
a teat fetish.

Surely all these other guys can’t
just be longing for an uncor-
sumated mother-son primal von-.
ding experience. Most of them
were presumably -rcast-fed.
What's their excuse?

Here’s where we get into the
really murky stuff. We come
face-to-face now with one of the
most fundamental questions of
all: what Freud liked to call the
Pleasure Principie.

As we all know, God and/or
Nature provided our species with
arguably the most successful pro-
creation method on the planet,
freeing us not only from the
limitations of merely seasonal rut-
ting but at the same time sparing
us the tedium of sitting on eggs.

Today, with the invention of
television, we are even spared the
actual trouble of raising kids —
you just plunk them in front of a
boob tube until they’re ready to
move out.

(Boob tube!? Did I say boob
tube? See what I mean about the
subconscious? Oh, the shame!)

Alas, as with any other un-
checked population explosion, we
are devouring and despoiling our
habitat. It can be argued that the
very success of our breeding tech-
nique has become a menace ii
itself, perhaps the worst threat of
all.

OK. This brings us back to the ~
subject at hand. (Oh, stop that,
Bob!)

I totally agree that wo.nen
should be able to walk around
without shirts on if they don’t
want shirts on, except, of course
in upscale restaurants, where
you’rg supposed to wear shirts as
well as shoes, and where it is gen-

- erally a given (even though very

few establishments actually put it
in writing) that pants are required
too.

But I also agree with the women
who oppose bare-breast
demonstratiens on the grounds

that, what with the sky falling,
etc., the women’s movement
ought to have other priorities, like
equal wages and day cure.

From these remarks, you are
entitled to conclude that while I
may not have been breast-fed, it
didn’t stop me from learning how
to suck up to women, eh? I'm
with them on both sides. Yes but
yes.

Most reasonable males, I think,
will agree. Women are much more

‘divided, as it were, on this one.

There are, as you may have
noticed, a certain percentage of
the female population who appear
to adhere to the adage, if you’ve
got it, flaunt it.

I'm quite sure removal of the
extra quarter of an inch of mate-
rial that represents that difference
between nipples being seen and
not seen doesn’t automatically
spell the end of civilization as we
know it.

Sure, blinkers might come back
in. They might even become man-
datary for male drivers who
would otherwise crash into the
vehicle ahead of them while ogling
a passing liberated breast or two.

I’m sorry. You just can’t trust
those other guys.

Inadequately-suckled unfortu-
nates like me are the exception,

I’m afraid, in that we should be
forgiven our fetishes because we
can’t help it — we ogle out of a
deep-seated psychological trauma.

I you ask me, the other guys are
just hopeless sexists. They proba-
bly do see the female breast as a
sex object, rather than the symbol
of a ruptured psychic link with
their sons.

As a victim of forces beyond
my control, neurotically focused
on the female breast, I wish there
was more I couid do to help the
sisters along on the path to

. whatever liberation they want

(barring the upscale restaurants,
of course), while at the same time
not demeaning them in any way,
shape or form (am [ at it again?
Will it never end?)

The thing about the breast, I
guess, is that it comes in a con-
text. If you took one and put it
on top of a woman’s head, the ef-
fect would be different.

Likewise, if breasts were inclin-
ed to grow out of women’s
behinds, that would change the
whole mood, wouldn't it?

I dunno. Maybe some women
would like that. :

Although, the next thing you
know, they wouldn’t want to be
wearing pants.

Where do you draw the line?

ARDAGH HUNTER TURNER

Barristers & Solicitors

IMPAIRED DRIVING

AFTER HOURS

i o FREE iNITIAL CONSULTATION
Criminal Matters Only | . .
926-3181 986-4366

FAX
986-9286

#300-1401 LONSDALE, NORTH VANCOUVER, BC.

SAVE.ON-FOODS

Presents

“MINI INDY” PEDAL CAR RACES

AUGUST 22nd at Park & Tilford Location

‘ AUGUST 23rd at Marine Drive Location
RACE & WIN A PEDAL CAR!
Registration begins 10am

RACES:

Ages: 3 & 4
tiam-12:30pm
Ages 5&6
12:30pm-2pm

Winner in each age group io receive an

Agta Film Pedal Car — 4 to be won at each store

PRESENTED BY SAVE-ON-FOODS and AGFA BQ FILM -
_— BBQ & Refreshments available