GIRLFRIEND NEEDS COUNSELLING Sex makes her cry Q. WHENEVER I have sex, I get depressed and often cry. | only have sex to please my boyfriend. I love him, but without sex there would be no relationship. It makes me feel dirty and I often avoid it any way I can. We have discussed i¢ and he is humor- ous and understanding but the problem remains. | have been like this since I started sex three years ago. Lam 18. A. That was too young for you to start sex, and you have such strong feelings of doing wrong that they spoil sex for you. It will take some determination on your part to change anything about your own life, your relationship and your attitude toward sex. Your boyfriend is understanding and humorous, but he is not going to give up his own sexual enjoy- ment just because it makes you feel awful. You have to tell him what you want — and not only what you want but what is going to happen. You need a time to read- just, to grow up, to have commit- ment from a man. Probably you would rather be married before having sex again. From your tone, you seem too dependent to do any of this without outside guidance and ask Dr. Ruth Dr. Ruth Westheimer counselling. I suggest that you phone a social service agency (look in the Yellow Pages) for where to g0 for this help. Q. lL thought everything was fine between us until three weeks ago. At that point my husband of 11 years told me he still cares for me but is not in love with me. He would rather be by himself than with me. He agrees to see a mar- riage counsellor before talking divorce. A. If he says that, it may mean he would like to be talked back in- to liking your company, or to get into a dialogue that could lead to agreements between you. Maybe it means he wants to get away from you but doesn't want to feel es- cessively guilty about hurting vou. Maybe he thinks Uhe counsellor will help you adjust to the idea of divorce. As marriage counsellor J have had that task of helping both Partners to agree to divorce when keeping the marriage was hopeless. Not all marriages are viable. Since you have suggested the counselling and he agrees, that is the very best way to go. ft may lead either way — reconciliation or divorce with better understanding. I only want to add this. General- ly, married people who stay together on good terms fall in and out of love with each other at times. Being in love is something more heightened and emotional than getting along with or liking or approving. It is more exciting than pure contentment — and let me say, pure contentment is OK, even better than OK! But being in love is thinking of the other when sepa- sated and fecling a lift in the hear: . So if your husvand has fallen out of love, that doesn't necessari- ly mean he can’t fall back in love, and with you. Running reverend examines spirituality TAKE A journey of a different kind with Rev. Harold Rosen, minister of North Shore Unitarian Church, as he explores creation spirituality and some of the maps and journeys of spiritual development. Discussions will centre around affirming the wonders and marvels of earth, life and cosmos, as well as the depths and mysteries of despair and pain, sin and evil, frailty and death. Can we make a “heaven on earth,” affirming the call to compassion, peace and justice? Six sessions every other Thursday evening at 7:30 p.m. beginning Jan. 11 will give participants the op- portunity to investigate and address these concepts. Rev. Rosen, the ‘Running Rev” in last year’s Van- couver marathon, is a graduate of Starr King School of Theology and has served his present congregation for 2% years. North Shore Unitarian Church is located at 370 Mathers Ave. in West Vancouver. For further infor- mation call 926-1621. Free RRSP lecture offered in North Van THE NORTH Shore Neighbour- hood House is offering a one-night financial lecture on RRSPs. 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