8 — Sunday, February. 16, 1986 - North Shore. News Doug Collins e get this straight e iv HOW CAN we get the Media Watch dames back into the kitchen before we all turn pansy? The Canadian male, once the embodiment ‘of all that True North Strong and Free stuff, is being’ reduced to poofterdom. Like the Australian male, than whom there was once nothing maler, he retreats before the beskirted onslaught as though he'd lost his testosterone. You will know that the battle is irretrievably lost if the North Shore News dumps the Sunshine Girl. Not that there’s any sign of that happening. But the battle over the beautiful bods is an epic of guerrilla warfare. The Media Watchers, in case you don’t know, are a bunch of female horrors whose object in life is to put women into those Fire hits laundry funny padded jackets that wore ‘big in ‘China when Chairman Mao was chief. They see the Girl as a menace beside which the nuclear bomb is nothing but a burnt match. They are even bigger champions of nin- compoopery than sociologist pro- fessors and educationists. The better the body the more the Watchers hate it. Which, in my expert opinion, comes from their not being so good-looking themselves. And because they hate men anyway. The same ap- plies to their spies, who send in reports to the ‘‘complaints pro- cedure supervisor’? at head- quarters on West Rroadway. Recently, a North Shore bit- cher mentioned the Girl and myself on the same form, inst as if I had the greatest pair you ever saw, Although they’re working on it, they haven't yet been able to organize an official print police force. However, through the TV and radio contro! commissars, otherwise known as the CRTC, they bully the weak-kneed elec- tronic media. The CBC surrendered years ago without even firing a shot. That's why you have’ Miss Ogle on tke Six O° Clock News with Bill Good. She’s about as necessary as ice cream in the Arctic, but there she is, ogling away like crazy, pouting on beat, narrowing and un-narrowing the eyes. She reminds me of Miss Thomas, a school-marm for whom I had lit- tle love. The commissars of the air are more heavily infiltrated by the furious fem movement than Western Intelligence agencies are by commies. That’s why the CRTC commissioned a Media Watch ‘‘study’* on ‘‘sex-role por- trayal in the Canadian media’. Predictably, the study found that the advertising industry con- tinues to show women as scantily- clad queens of the kitchen. Nothing wrong with that, if you ask me. 1 have no desire for a scantily-clad male running around as queen of the kitchen. Uninfluenced by the popular will, the Watchers press ahead for laws that will change the image of women, Extended to print, this would mean that the stunning Ronnie, Sunshine Girl of recent vintage who ‘‘grew up on a ranch and still rides reguiarly’’, would be ditch- ed. In her place would be an editorial urging Ronnie to steal her old man’s job. I have obtained a copy of the “study” in question. It is full of horrible English and non-girlish twaddle, including stuff like this: “The body parts of females were far more likely to be shown in a disassembled manner than the body parts of men...’’. ‘‘Males were far more likely than females to make reference to the body parts of another.’’ (Oh!) It is my sad duty to report that these state-subsidized harpies are winning, thanks to the increasing absence of testosterone in men, Back to the kitchen! But can they cook? FIRE iN a laundry’ room was doused before it could get out of -hand. 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