32 ~ Wednesday, January 16, 1991 — North Shore News LIFESTYLES Is it love — or laziness? Q. THE MAN I'm dating isn’t very careful about birth control. As a single woman in my fate 30s, [ have grown accustomed to being with men who treat birth control like a matter of national security. They're sure I'd love to get pregnant ‘‘accidentally,’’ and they're right. I would. This guy is different. I told him from the start we had to use con- doms as birth control because I wasn’t on the pill. Sometimes he doesn't use one, especially if it's the second time we're making love in the same night. Does that mean he wouldn't mind a little accident teo? He seems to be sending me ali the signals that he wants to com- mit. Can I take this as another signal? A. Only if you don’t mind be- ing alone and pregnant, because that is what may happen to you! I don’t know what other signals he’s sending, but this one could just mean he’s lazy. Until he tells you that he wants to have a baby with you, don’t assume he does. It would be nice if he proposed marriage first, wouldn't it? Also, you should be using con- doms unless you are in a monogamous relationship with this man. Don’t assume you are. If he hasn’t told you he isn't having sex with anyone else, ask him! Q. Tam still hot for sex, but my husband is not. Most of your let- ters concerning couples our age are written by men who can‘t get their wives to have sex. I am having an affair with one such man. We don’t feel guilty about it, because we aren't taking anything away from our spouses. They don't want what we give each other. But my husband suspects I am seeing someone. He's fold me he doesn’t mind if I am, but he'd like to hear the details. i don't quite trust that. Do you think he's trying to tip me up? A. I am suspicious too — of your husband’s remarkable lack of jealousy. He may be trying to Dr. Ruth Westheime: ASK DR. RUTH trip you up. I do not often advise people to confess their affairs to their spouses because such confessions can cause much pain, but most people who ask if they should tell are finished with the affair, or teady to end it. It sounds like you want to continue seeing the other man. Don't teil him now. counsellor or perhaps minister about your situation. Q. Um involved with a wonder- ful woman who has an annoying sexual habit. She insists on using her hand to stimulate herself to orgasm while we are making love. I've never known 3 woman to do this and ! am in my 40s. She says that [ don't understand the female anatomy, that she needs this stimulation to reach orgasm even though she loves the feei of my penis inside her. A. She is absolutely right! And she has explained her needs to you in both an honest and loving way. Since what she says is true for the majority of women, | am wondering if the women you knew in the past really didn’t need this stimulation or were too embar- rassed to let you know they did. So much confusion and unhap- piness is caused by men’s, and sometimes women’s, belief that the penis should be all that any woman needs. Talk to a your Learn yoga in North Van NORTH SHORE Neighbourhood House is offering winter yoga in- struction from Jan. 21 to March Hatha Yoga improves total health of body, mind, emotion and spirit through practices of breathing exercises, relaxation and meditation. The course will assist partici- pants in reaching their goals of Extind learning new Yoga skis. Winter Yoga classes will be held on Mondays between 5:45 and 7:45 p.m. The instructor's name is eoremary Courquin and the fee is 32. Interested participants are asked to pre-register. 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