8 - Friday, October 18 1985 - North Shore News

Doug quits as maritime ombudsmen

LET ME make myself perfectly clear, as Tricky
Dicky used to say. I like our ferry system. It may
even be what old Wacky Bennett used to say it

was: the best in the world.

That was my mood last
Friday. morning when Gray
Eyes and I skipped off early
for a Gulf Islands Thanks-
giving weekend. Hey hey
and a nonny no!

Doug Collins

The big ferry from
Tsawwassen disgorged us on
time. at Village Bay, the
transfer point for Treasure
Island. A couple of minutes
later, the M.V. Quinitsa,
known affectionately to-
some as the African Queen,
puffed in. We should be
leaving on time for the place
where the sun shines, the
fish leap, and a chap can
sneak a few fried spuds for
breakfast. :

Hey hey and a nonny...

We drive on board. Bad
news. The African Queen
won't be leaving until at
least 25 minutes after the
schedule says she should
leave. The passengers set up
a surly muttering.

Why will she be fate?
Because there’s a guy on the
Mayne Queen, which has
just gone down-river, as it
‘were, and he wants to go to
Treasure Island too. We're
to wait for him.

We are, are we! Is he dy-
ing or something? Can’t he
read? What are schedules
for? Would they hold up a
boat for us? What goes on
here?

ELECTS SELF

Somebody has to be om-
budsman, so Doug elects
himself to inquire into this
gross injustice. Give me Vic-
toria! Admiral Ramsay,

please, otherwise known as
the assistant general manag-
er of the fleet, by God.

The admiral is at a
meeting and
disturbed.

can’t be

ne cet
peundation

Disturb him, miss!
Disturb him! Trouble in the
fleet! Mutiny! Watch for the
skull and cross bones! What
are we running here, the
Pennywhistle Squeak?

* Admiral Ramsay comes
on the line.

Doug Splutter repeats his
complaint. ‘‘Schedules!’’ he
gasps, keeping his voice
down as much as possible
(which ain't much) so as not
to frighten the eagles.

G
SS

The captain says he is
sorry. But he gave permis-
sion for the African Queen
to be held up for five or 10
minutes, no longer. And it’s
not a ‘‘guy”’ that’s involved,
but a truck with B.C. Hydro
equipment for which a crew
is standing by.

FIRST THOUGHT

Doug's
thought is

first unspoken
bugger B.C.

Hydro; Who do they think
they are? His second: maybe
the admiral has a case. I
point out, though, that the
Mayne Queen has only just

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gone by and it sure looks to
this landlubber as if she'll be
a long time.

The admiral secks radio
contact with her. The agent
in charge, a prince of a man
who once lent me his car to
get to the pub when some
old Queen was late and lost
or something one dark
winter’s night, tells him she’s
now behind a radio blo-k

and it is unlikely he can get

through. :

In the effort to make con-
tact, the air hums between
Horseshoe Bay, Victoria and
all points west, it seems.
Admiral Ramsay again

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apologizes for the delay and
says he really doesn’t think
it'll be that bad. I jog back
to tell the assembled
mutineers that the first
report we had wasn’t quite
right.

In a few minutes, the
Mayne Queen appears on the
horizon, churning the drink
like mad. She must have got
a message.

TAKE OFF

She docks! She scores! A
truck pours onto the African
Queen. We take off, only 13
minutes late.

« and a whole lot more.

CPAirfa.._”

The African Queen’s cap-
tain appears (also in
response to urgent messages,
we learn later from a ham
radio man). Would I like to
go up to the bridge and have
@ cup of coffee? No thanks,
Cap, says Doug, already
feeling guilty about the
whole thing.

Gray Eyes is furious with
me.

‘*When they take you to
the cemetery,’’ she says,
“you'll be popping up out of
the box and yelling ‘Get a
move on!’’’.

I hereby resign my job of
fleet ombudsman.

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