Let’

IT should be of little
surprise to all but the
chronically naive that
B.C. is getting the

Shoxct ead of the mil-

lennium project stick.
Vord has it in the daily
press that the province is get-
ting less than a handtul of
federally fiinded projects to
ring in the new millennium.

‘Anda generally pallid
selection of endeavours that
handful is too.

What this province needs
is a little fire and brimstone
when it comes to getting
what Jacques “The
Milkman” Parizeau so astute-
ly identified as “booty”
our share of federal largesse.

Milk ’em, counsels
Jacques.

Amen to that, Monsicur
Parizeau.

But we are nor even
halfway trying out west.

What have we got so far
of the $145 million being
doled our by depury prime
minister Herb Gray in his
position as the man operat-
ing the Canadian Millennium
Partnership Program purse
strings?

A beatification project;
$100,000 to build a riverside
park; a May pageant?

Yawnorama, West
Coasters.

We need projects sith
some snap, crackle and pop
or the lion's share of millen-
nium booty will be lost to
the Far East of the country.

And it’s going to be 2
iong wait until the next mil-
lennium party fund is put
together.

So, as part of its mandate
to provide solutions to vex-
ing problems of the day,

Ripping Yarns presents some
millennium project ideas to
get you going:

B First off, we can lead the
way in frog-marching the
bleating “90s off the world
stage by establishing a fund
to help the targets of human
rights complaints.

The Mary-Woo Sims
Millennium Endowment
would provide funding to
fight the heavy hand of gov-
ernment-backed persecution
of dangerous opinion spin-
ners and other politically
incorreet beasts,

The Federal Court of
Canada is but the latest jus-
tice institution to find a
human rights conimission’s
investigation biased.

Last spring, Federal Court
Madame Justice Donna
McGillis questioned the
integrity of Canada’s human
rights tribunals when she said
that connections between tri-
bunals and the Canadian
Human Rights Commission
were too close to allaw them
to conduct fair and impartial
hearings.

At the tailend of 1998,
the Northwest Territories
was set to challenge the
impartiality of said tribunals.

And more recently a
Canadian Human Rights
Commission investigation of
a sexual harassment com-
plaine by a former TV news

Destqner
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anchor was found by the fed-
eral court to be tainted with
bias. The complaint was
summarily tossed out.

That finding of bias
would doubtless be applica-
ble to human rights commis-
sions the Jength and breadth
of the land.

And no more so than in
B.C. where government:
backed victim: cultivation is
one of the pravince’s few
growth industries.

So buoyant is the local
human rights business that
its machinery has ground to
a halt with backlogs, delays
and postponements.

Justice delaved is its spe-
ciality.

For example, the wait for
the decision m the latest
complaint against heretic
Doug “The Devil” Collins is
heading into its sixth month.

Forget Mary-Woo. Let's
just call the new millennium
fund the Victims No More
Annuity.

@ Closer to home, I suggest
building a 22-storey statue of
North Vancouver City Mayor
Jack Loucks to commemo-
rate his 22-year reign as the
city’s uncontested monarch.

The statue would recog-
nize his uncanny ability to
repeatedly secure the city’s
mayoral chair by acclamation.
It would also recognize the
city’s inability ta come up
with any other worthwhile
candidate for the past two
decades.
® How about millennium
funding for a new one-lane
bridge to run parallel to our
three-lane ‘Lions Gate won-
der?

The new structure would
provide ring-side viewing for
tourists and other curiosity

sightseers cager To get a first-
hand glimpse of such an odd-
ball transportation structure.
After the millennium celebra-
tion has tailed off, the one-
taner could be used for
traffic and provide the North
Shore with that elusive
fourth lane across the First
Narrows.

@ Buy the only completed
fast ferry and turn it into a
floating casino and restaurant
coniplex,

What with the vessel's
continuing parade of techni-
cal glitches, environmental
evebrow-raisers and unfore-
seen snafus, the millennium
could well start with the hap-
less but lovable PacifiCat still
in drydock.

Better to drop the mun-
dane ferry plan and float the
386 million shipbuilding PR
exercise a little farther off-
shore and harness its techno-
logical positives for fun and
profit.

Rolling craps ar 70 km-h
could attract some major
international thrill-seekers.
B Preserve Lower Lonsdale’s
Versatile shipyards lands as a
permanent place of promise.
That's what it appears to be
headed for anyway.

All promise, no substance.
Readers will doubtless
have many more worthy pro-
jects to toss on the millenni-

um fund heap.

Remenvber, no matter
how far we are from Ottawa,
this is our millennium too.

Let’s grab our booty and
stride into the brave new
2ist century world with
something to show for our
ingenuity,

Milk the millennium,
baby,

It’s the Canadian way.

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Sunday. January 10, 1999 ~ North Shore News — 7

ilk that millennium Fewer errors in

grammar,

Dear Editor:

Re: the front page sub-
headline in the Jan. 3 News .
“Less computers, More texts”
(ete)...

Couldn't your proofreader

catch the major error in
English in this headline?
Fowler’s Modern English
Usage proves the point:

ve ‘less’ is Consequently
applied only co things that are
measured by amount and not

please

bw size or quality. or num-
ber.” Fowler, “less. 3.7
(1965 ed. p.330)

It's really upsetting to see
such a glaring error embla-
zoned across the front the
paper. It’s even more upset:
ting that our community
Paper can’t get our own
grammar straight. Next time,
make it “Fewer computers!”
Elizabeth Bream
West Vancouver

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