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Forecasting

I DREAMT WE Dip So Yiu
POORLY IN 1995... &
B THAT WE HAD To ff
S REPEAT THE YEAR! ]

quotes of the

“The whole thing is very iffy,
butty, sorta, kinda. All we can do
is press on like we’re going to pay
them out.”

Provincial Emergency Program
manager of finance and administra-
tion Karen McDougall on cash
compensation for North Vancouver
District flood victims. (From a Dec.
24 News story.)

eee

“We used to call them horizon-
tal taxis.”

Retired North Shore paramedic
Fred Westcott remembering 40
years worth of ambulance career
days gone by. (From a Dec. 27 News
Story.)

“There's a big rivalry between
these two teams. It’s for bragging
rights on the North Shore.”

Hockey Hall of Fame member
Fred Page of North Vancouver on
the relationship of the midget

mailbox

week

triple-A teams North Vancouver and
the North Shore Winter Club. (From
a Dec. 27 News story.)

@ee

“It was just the pressure of
buying .all these presents you
couldn't siford anyway ard then
they are gone.”

North Vancouver resident
Leanne Marshall on the Christmas
Day theft of Christmas presents
from under her tree at home. (From
a Dec. 29 News story.)

aes

“Bubbly is the traditional New
Year's beverage, all toc often
cheap froth poured into a system
overtaxed with food and wine; the
coupe de grace, harbinger of the
Death Wish Hangover.”

Wine expert John Moore on the
joys of champagne. (From a Dec. 29
News item.)

Anarene eee nln

Give guns to the masses,
law of the jungie prevails

Dear Editor:
5 News Viewpoint of Dec.
15.
I agree, let us disband Ports
Canada Police.
Let’s ditch the RCMP as well.
Look at the money we will save.

While we are at it, why not get
rid of the whole judicial system,

news viewpoint

Guard money

what a cash cow.

We can just issue a handful of
guns to each and every household,
and the head of the family can be
judge, jury and executioner.

Soon the law of the jungle will

revail.
John Holliday
North Vancouver

1996 a game
for Lotto BC

“HEY, you never know... !”
Your faithful scribe having
fried his brain trying to find
a new and uplifting progno-
sis for the New Year, it’s the
Lotto man’s cheery sign-off
in those TV commercials
that ultimately says it all.

One year ago today would you
ever have guessed:
@ That Canada would nearly go
to war against Spain because the
latter was pinching our greasy,
bottom-feeding turbot?
@ That an NDP cabinet minister
would be hauled before the
NDP’s Human Rights
Commission for kissing the girls
and making them cry?
@ That O.J. Simpson would be
acquitted, while Johnnie Cochran
and Marcia Clark set out to make
their fortunes on the book and
lecture circuit?
@ That the “Bingogate" scandal
would scupper the NDP's plans
for a fall election — forcing it to
wait almost to the end of its man-
date before facing the electorate?
@ That Mike Harcourt would
resign as NDP leader — and that
# month later the only declared
conicnder for his job would
(prophetically, perhaps) be an
unknown funeral director from
Port Alberni?
@ That it would take several!
weeks, millions of bucks and
Bosnia-style armored vehicles to
dislodge a handful of rebel
Indians from a campsite at
Gustafsen Lake in the RCMP's
biggest operation to date?
M That Canada would “win”
Quebec's separatist referendum
by an approximate 1% whisker —
leaving Ottawa in panic and dis-
array, and the Chretien Liberals
finally plunging in the polls?
@ That Parizeau would resign the
next day — with Bouchard his
automatic successor as Quebec
premier?
@ That the Mounties wouldn't
know what to do while the Prime
Minister and his wife locked
themselves in their bedroom to
escape a knife-wielding nocturnal
intruder?
@ That Israeli Prime Minister
Yitzhak Rabin would be assassi-
nated —- noi »y a Palestinian ter-
rorist but by a Yellow Jew?

Noel
Wright

@ That the Grey Cup — played
at Taylor Field, Regina — would
disappear across the border in the
hands of a victorious U.S. team?
@ That the Communists would be
heading back to power in Russia? =:
@ That Vancouver's super-hyped

new Ford Centre would be built
with an auditorium seating over
1,800, a lobby. getting crowded
with 400 and, during a 20-minute
intermission, loos handling (at 4
pinch) 100?

And that today, and for the
foreseeable future, we'd still be
without any decision on a new
Lions Gate crossing?

With odds like these against
one, only the certifiable would
ever risk a dime on New Year's
Eve forecasts.

How sbout Preston Manning —
as president of the new sovereign
nation of Western Canada by next
Dec. 31? How about Castro quali-
fying for American aid by declar-
ing war on the U.S. and surren-
dering the next day? Or how
about you, dear reader, winning
the 6/49 in 1996?

“Hey, you never know ... !"""

MANY HAPPY returns of today, -
Dec. 31, to Plaza of Nations
Prophet, CKNW talk show sage :
Rafe Mair at 64 ... More of the
same Tuesday, Jan. 2, to political
lovebirds Gordon Wilson, 46, -
and wife Judi Tyabji, 30.

WRIGHT OR WRONG: May |
the very best of your old year be
the very worst of your New Year.

ITH CASH-STRAPPED North
WW ateerver Schoo! District set

to cut crossing guard services
Jan, 31, the question of who will pick up
the tab — and ensure the safety of local
children —- looms large.

The school district, saddled with a
$2.6-million accumulated debt, says it
can’t afford the crossing-guard tab.
Parents, rightly, say their chiidren can’t
afford the consequences of losing their
guards.

So how might the school district afford
the guards for the rest of the schoo! year?
Try putting a stop payment on the
cheques going to four administrators

wi. . left the school district last year. They
are set to collect nearly $300,000 over
three years from the district in banked
sick-pay benefits.

If the benefit is paid out equally over
three years, the $100,000 going the
administrators’ way this year could go a
long way to covering crossing-guard fees
to June.

CUPE Local 389 estimates $120,000 is
needed to keep guards on the job for the
rest of the school year. The guards belong
to the union.

Halting the cash fiow to the adminis-
trators won’t happen — the benefit's in
the contract, trustees would say. But the

crossing-guard conundrum illustrates
how poor spending decisions hurt stu-
dents in North Vancouver.

And those poor decisions are being
made by the administrators and trustees.
Trustees can repeat ad nauseam that the
district is underfunded, but nobody
forced them to give the sick-pay sop to
administrators in 1990.

As for the crossing guards, trustees
note the province does not extend fund-
ing for essential guard services.

‘West Vancouver school district finds
the funds for guards, and so can North
Vancouver, It’s not up to municipalities
to bail out the school district.

, aaa