C6 - Wednesday, May 18, 1983 - North Shore News

SON WANTS BEST OF BOTH

On holidays an

QUESTION: My mother and
father were divorced when I
was ten. Pm almost 14 now. I
live with my mom and my
dad lives in Manitoba. My
problem is holidays. My
mother and dad make a big
thing out of being good
friends and, like they say,
working everything out so
it’s best for all of us.

Well, one thing they've
worked out is that ['m to
spend vacations with my
dad. I mean the summer and
winter and spring vacations.

They say that is the only fair.

way to give me lots of time
with my dad and to give him
lots of time with me. I like
living with my mother and I
like being with my dad for
vacations so I guess I'm
lucky but there's one thing
tht bothers me and that is
that I never get any vacation
time with my mother.

I know, we are together
all the rest of the year, but I
never get a chance to go any
place or do anything special
with her. I don't like to say

QUESTION: My boyfriend
fs an alcoholic. We have
recently become engaged
and have tentative plans to
be married late in the
summer. But there are some
complications. My mother
and father and my older
brother and my three very
closest friends all agree that
Iam making a great mistake
im marrying someone who
has as many problems with
drinking as he does.

I know ft is a big risk but
my theory is that he needs
love and support and the
steadying circumstances of a
home and family. [| am
convinced that I could help

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anything, because 1! don't
want my dad to think I don't
want to be with him because
I do and I don't want to
always be a drag on my mom
so what should I do?

STEWART: Thank good-
mess your parents see the
value in being good friends
and working things out so
that it’s best for everyone.

I wonder if you have
grown up pretty fast and
they have not quite caught
on that they no longer need
to work things out for you
but now will have the fun of
working things out WITH
you.

Will love save an alco

him win out over his
drinking ff I showed enough
faith in him to marry him.
My folks and my friends say
Im crazy because Id be
getting into a hopeless mess.
Would you be willing to say
what you think?
STEWART: I would need to
have a lot more” un-
derstanding of you and your
man before feeling free to
make suggestions for your
consideration. Perhaps we
might be able to talk it over.
I can say this however.
While there may be a lot in
what you say about his need
for love and = support, I!
cannot forget that a lot of

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ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Ste wari may be reached at 261 -6242
for appointments for individual. family or group counselling.

Perhaps, by coming up
with some bright ideas of
your own, you will be able to
help them see that. For
example, would you like to
suggest that you continue to
be with your dad through the
spring and winter breaks,
but in the long summer
break you divide it up so you
can spend 5 or 6 weeks with
your dad and 2 or 3 with
your mom?

That still gives him a large
hunk of your three vacation
breaks and yet it gives you
some time to “do something
special” with your mom. If
that idea doesn’t appeal to
you, why don’t you, like

people have come to me for
counselling who thought
everything would improve
once they were married, and
who now, a few years later,
don't know which way to
turn. It might work out for
you, but, the truth is that all
too often it doesn't.

If you BOTH want to be
married and think marriage
would be “mght” for you,
why not agree to dedicating
a year to getting yourselves
ready for it? Included in the
readying process would be
his going to A.A. and you to
Alanon. If he flatly refuses

to take advantage of Chat

-” +

-. tnd

PATIOON

d divorce

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them, try to come up with an
idea that can be worked out
on a freindly basis and is best
for everyone. Be ready to
compromise. That is, be
ready to alter your
suggestion a bit if for some
reason you had not thought
of, or did not know about,
your idea is not “best for
everyone.”

I think they will probably
welcome the signs that you .
are beginning to move out of
your childhood and into your
manhood. You are ready to
perform in such a way that
all three of you will be
working things out together.
Good stuff!

olic?

sort of help, you'll have a
clear signal to slow down. *

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