=, Sanday, June 25, 1989 - DEAR MISS MANNERS ‘The evening was not sn un- pleasant one. We stayed until near- ly midnight, and the conversation tunged over a number of areas, el- : 7S ther relating to the other couple ) and their doings, or 2 few topics of 5 mutual interest. But during the entire time we were in their home, neither my wife nor I was asked a single ques- tion about ourselves — not what we do for a living, how we've come to be in this city, our educa- tional background, our children, etc, There were several openings ‘during the course of the dinner for them to pick up on topics of this sort, but it simply did not happen. -_ We are not angry se much as puzzied, Miss Manners. folks are apparently in theiz own world and happy to be there. But do we owe them an invita- tion?. The idea would make us un- comfortable if such an evening were to be a repeat of the one described; we'd feel even more ; sensitive about subjecting a third (innocent!) couple to punishment of this sort. On the other hand, they are neighbors and we expect to live here for a while. Is there a gracious alternative that we don’t see here? GENTLE READER — Miss Manners could weep. She has _ Spent so much energy in trying to From page 45 : special problems, and they enjoy : sharing them. One mother, worried about how to get her two infants into the car : without leaving one in the house, ' was advised to carry ther both out j in a laundry basket. ‘ While speakers add to the educational aspect of the meetings, North Shore News These — We moved into this neighborhood six months ago. When the couple next door invited us for dinner, we were pleased to accept. persuade people not to ask prying questions, and here you are, hav- ing stayed up to midnight discuss- ing topics of mutual interest with new people, complaining that they are self-centred for not having quizzed you. miss manners Judith Martin It is possible that the last couple whose occupations and schools they asked about got huffy because they felt they were being in- vestigated to see if they were im- portant. And the one before that burst into tears upon being asked about their children, because. they have been unable to have any. This was a first-time get- together, after all. Polite people make general conversation before investigating one another's histor- ies. Yet these people made a step toward closer acquaintanceship by volunteering information about themselves; surely you could have done that as weil. At least promise Miss Manners you will try. If they reply ‘*Who cares?”? and go on talking about themselves, she will concede that you were right and can confine your neighborliness to. an occa- sional over-the-fence greeting, DEAR MISS MANNERS — I’m being marsied for the second time in a small ‘wedding at home. I ordered an off-white short dress, and I sow find that one of the there is a healthy trade in used baby equipment and clothing. Many members just enjoy a chance to get out and meet friends. Some get together informally. “No one is going to invite you over with four little kids — unless they’ve got a similar situation,” Vaisler has found. A warning to the uninitiated: mothers of twins don’t like people PLEASE HELP US... and Venetcbies eta. ¢ $20 helps us buy a weekly bag of groceries for one family © $60 helps sustain a family for one month ¢ $720 assists that same family for a year Please help those in need, Alf donations are tax deductible. ~ CLIP AND MAIL WITH Your ¢ GIET I TODAY YES! | want to provide food for the hungry. ig ($20 0 $60 0 $720 DoOtner $____4] ee ee LIFESTYLES guests who works with me is also wearing an off-white dress. My friends and family feel it is not proper for a guest to wear the same color as the bride. I sug- gested this io her, and she said she looked better in that dress than in any other and she intended to wear it. But she said she would abide by your decision. GENTLE READER — Oh, dear, it’s not going to be that kind of decision. Your ever diplomatic Miss Manners is going to try to shame everyone concerned into be- ing a bit less combative. The rule is that the bride is the only person who wears white at a formal wedding. This does not mean that the bride gets dibs on any color she chooses, which is then off-limits to the guests. Miss Manners gathers that what you are wearing is not some huge wedding gown; she also doubts that your guest is thinking of a bridal-type production for herself. And “‘off-white’’ can mean almost anything. Let us say that you are wearing a cream lace dress, and your friend wants to wear an eggshell silk suit. Surely that wouldn’t create a visual conflict. But you are on good social terms, or she wouldn’t be coming to your wedding. So why aren’t you saying, ‘‘I certainiy wouldn't expect you to have to go out and buy something else,”’ and why isn’t she saying, ‘‘I certainly wouldn’t want you to be unhappy’’? DEAR MISS MANNERS — Please say something to those who practice speech patterns that are tiring to us polite listeners. Some regularly preface state- ments with ‘‘What I want to say is...”* or “Let me_say this...””. This asks great patience cf us who cre more sJirect in commuiicating. I have a fricad who evea says “Wait a minute!’’ followed by a pregnant pause and accompanied by grand hand gestures, before she com- ments.’ Now this is surely a case of expecting too much. GENTLE READER — Of 3 Twin club gives support to feel sorry for them, or to say things like ‘‘You’ve got double trouble there.’’ And then there are always ques- tions about xlziis to have more children. “A mother of twins will often say ‘No,’ but with a smile on her face,’’ says Vaisler. For information about club meetings, call Heather at 988-4905. i | eres : New neighbors were not rude by not asking prying questions what? Oh. Please forgive Miss Manners; she drifted off for a minute. To check that you are not doing the same, your friends use certain phrases, thus making sure they have a firm hold on your at- tention. Admittedly, repeated phrases are annoying. But since you cannot politely point out to your acquain- tances who use them, Miss Man- ners suggests that you develop a strong “Ummmmm," to show them that they need not resort to such measures to get your atten- tion. Shopping club affiliation or membezship. each with plenty of prizes. Qualifying Rounds 1G through Saturday, July 1. PI Entry fee Is the regular youth — under Finals , $2.75, weekends You can win! the winner divisions. TenArs. SUNDAY HONDNERDAY © omNOY y | BURNABY - 420-2155 869-2046: mB 266-3760 \ Tee off! Pitch & Putt Tournament The 1989 edition of this popular local tournament is set for Saturday, duly 15. Sponsored by the Morth Shore Maws and Perk Royal Centre, this tournament is open to all golfers, Again this year, there are four divisions: men, women, seniors and youth (16 years and under), May be Played on any day from Saturday, dune Place your score cards in the toumnarnent box in the clubhouse. fee ticket, $5.00 ere and Saturday, July 15 — weather pernitting. Tronhies for the winners in each of the four divisions, men, women, seniors and youth, and for Gift Certificates redeemable at stores in Park Royal, for the top three finishers in each of the four NS PARK ROYAL Sponsored by the North Shore News and Park Royal Shopping Centre Sanctioned by Gre West Vancouver Parke and SrA AGE : \ Therapy Center— #220-1940 Lonsdaie, N. Van. NORTH VAN VANCOUVER LANGLEY -688- eer 787 ie CORRECTION NOTICE Humpty's “Steaks *1.00” which appeared in the North Shore News on Wednesday, June 21/89 should have read: Friday, June 23,5-9 p.m. only, instead of just 5-9 p.m. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Ax) Family Restaurants For the th Annual 534-6550