VICKI (NOT her real name)
was only three when the
abuse started.

By Janice Mucalov
Contributing Writer

Her father fondled her, took
pictures of her in the nude while
asking her to act ‘‘sexy,’’ and
demanded she perform fellatio.

Later, when she was older, her
father called her a ‘‘tramp,”
“shut,”? and ‘‘harlot.”* He taunted
her about her maturing body and
once wiped a dirty cake knife
across her breasts in front cf her
sister’s boyfriend.

While Vicki's private world was
hell, on the outside ali looked well
— and still does today.

“We look like the perfect fami-
ly,” she says. ‘‘We have a
Mercedes and a Porsche. We live
in a really nice area on the North
Shore. My father is a high-profile
man.”

By the time she turned 14, Vicki
had become severely depressed
‘and confused. She often cut
herself with a knife.

“| was in so much pain I had to
sear mysclf.’’

One evening, she realized she
needed help and called 2 crisis hot
ine.

After seeing a social worker,
Vicki was referred to the North
Shore Family Services Society
(NSFSS), a non-profit agency that
counsels many families who have
youths in their adolescent years.

“They saved my life,’’ says
Vicki.

Vicki first saw a counsellor for
individual therapy every one to
two weeks. She has since learned
to develop a stronger sense of self.

“My self-esteem used to be

in Sechelt 3 terrific reasons to get away to the Sunshin

Green
(ABLES

Conductor: Lyn Vernon
Director: Edo Boersma
Choreographer: Karen Boothroyd

Juty 3, 4, 7, 9, 10, 11 AT 7:30 PM
Jury 5, 12 AT 2 PM

FESTIVAL PAVILION
ROCKWOOD CENTRE
SECHELT, BC

| TICKETS $12.00
$10.00 for members, seniors
§ and children under 12

» For more information or to order tickets, contact:
Festival of the Written Arts, Box 2299, Sechelt, B.C., VON 3A0
Tel: (604) 885-9631 Fax: (604) 885-3967

NEWS photo Terry Peters
LIFE, AS seen through the eyes of a sexually-abused woman, can be a very traumatic experience.

However, the North Shore Family Services Society can offer the help victims of sexual abuse need.

nothing. You could trample all
over me and 1 would smile,’ she
says. ‘‘My counsellor was the only
person who told me 1 was worth
something."*

She has also learned not to
blame herself for the abuse she
suffered.

“Tl used to think it was all my
fault — that I came on to my fa-
ther. Now I realize he was the
adult and I was the child. it was
his responsibility to take care of
me.”’

Vicki also participated in a

August 13-16. 1992
Reckwood Centre, Sechelt, BC

Meet Canada’s authors both on and
off the stage during 4 days of readings,
book signings, and gourmet events.

TRYSH ASHBY-ROLLS
PIERRE BERTON
THOMAS R. BERGER
BEST OF BRIDGE

NICOLA CAVENDISH
LORNA CROZIER

BR. PHILIP CURRIE

SUDY GILL

BRENDA GUILD GILLESPIE
PETER GZOWSKI

HERB HAMMOND
PATRICK LANE

SCOTT MGNTYRE

MEM MITCHELL

STAN PERSKY

ANDREAS SCHROEDER
CAROL SHIELDS

JEFFREY SIMPSON
TWELVE MONTH GARDENERS
VANCOUVER INDUSTRIAL
WRITERS UNION
CAROLINE WOODWARD
TUM WYNNEJONES

THE 1992 FESTIVAL LINEUP

Celebrating our 19th anniversary

—_ a Si ——i—i—i—_ =e

wo:

i2-week support group offered by
NSFSS for sexually abused
teenage girls. There she learned
that her ‘‘spacing out,’’ blocking
of painful memories, seli-mutila-
tion and overwhelming anger are
commonly experienced -by those
who have been abused.

Other indicators of sexual abuse
include over-eating, compulsive
neatness, school problems and
sleeping disorders.

Although Vicki hasn’t yet con-
fronted her father, she recently
told her mother about the abuse

e Coast this summer

reo oe a

Summer :
Arts and Crafts
Faire  ,3

Hackett Park, Sechelt
August 15 and 16, 1992

TOAMIOSPM on vas

Just 3 biocks
from Rockwood,
under che trees
of Hackett Park,
artists from the
Sunshine Coast will
display and offer
their work for sale.
Pottery, jewelry,
paintings, photography,
carving, fabric art and
much much more.
Music, chiidren’s
entertainment
and food make
this faire lots of fun.

Admission $1.06
Sponsored by

Sunshine Coast Ants Council

Courtesy of
The Sunshine Coast
Economic Development Cornmissicn

she suffered. Her mother denied it
at first but has since accepted that
it occurred.

But Vicki says she doesn’t want
her parents’ marriage to break up
because of her father’s behavior,
nor does she want to damage his
reputation by pressing criminal
charges against him.

“He hurt me badly, but [ still
tove him.”

ane.21, 1992 ~— North Shore News - 38

After 18 months of counselling,
Vicki is confident and optimistic
about the future.

“I'm a survivor,"’ she says.

“[m not going to be treated
like that again. I'm not going to
marry someone who'll abuse me,
and I’m not going to let my father
hurt my future children. The cycle
can be stopped.””

Arlene Gladstone, NSFSS’ ex-
ecutive director, says NSFSS is
able to serve the needs of youth
like Vicki partly because of special
funding supported by the three
North Shore municipalities .

“All of the municipalities have
been very generous in giving funds
under the Canada Assistance
Plan. For every dollar we receive
from each municipality, the pro-
vince adds more, and the Canada
Assistance Plan gives even more,
meaning we’re able to stretch the
original dollar to provide about
three times the service.”

Vicki is grateful to NSFSS for
their help. Likewise, only through
great courage has she shared her
story in the hope that others who
are or have been aviised will also
reach out.

“There’s no shame in asking
for help. I don’t know what I
would have done without
NSFSS.”’

“My father robbed me of my

childhood,’’ she says. ‘‘But it’s
over now -— I can go on.”’
North Shore Family Services
Society is a United Way member
agency that counsels individuals,
couples and families. They also
offer family life education courses
and support groups. For help or
information, call 988-5281.

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