38 ~ Sunday, May 26, 1991 - North Shore News

Friends neglecting to invite spouse

DEAR MISS MANNERS — My wife and | have been
mnarried for ever (wo years, but my friends — singles and
couples alike — are still addressing cards and invitations to

me only.

Am I to assume that an invita-
tion from a longtime friend in-
cludes my darling wife? Should I
inquire when f respond?

This seems embarrassing to the
Rost and hostess. (However, I feel
they deserve it.) Should I have my
wife respond, as is customary?

My wife has said nothing, but I
know that this hurts her. I've even
offered to do a mass mailing to
those in my address book, with
her name and procf of existence.

GENTLE READER — What
you are describing is an increasing
tendency — which Miss Manners
deplores — to ignore the factor of
the social couple and treat each
person, attached or not, as a
loner.

This should not be taken per-
sonally by you or your wife, as it
comes from general cynicism and
Laziness. One rationale is that it is
too much trouble to figure out
what constitutes a couple, when
divorce is so prevalent and there
are so many submarital arrange-
ments.

Miss Manners believes you
must, indeed, make a point of this
with your friends. Asking your
wife to do so is not a good idea
— she already feels hurt by your
friend’s callousness.

A mass mailing would have to
be very lightly and wittily done, so
as not to suggest that your wife
was sulking. Miss Manners rather
suggests that you respond to each
imvitation by calling the host and

MISS MANNERS

saying: ‘‘Is this a Mr. and Mrs.
invitation? My wife and | don’t
lead separate social lives.’’

DEAR MISS MANNERS —
My sister and I inherited Granny’s
beautiful country house. We both
live a good distance away but
were lucky enough to find a com-
petent, trustworthy young woman
as caretaker.

In Granny's day, each morning
the general factotum would
remove his hat and clear his
throat at the dining-room door,
and Granny would invite him isi
for a short chat about the day's
chores. She would then ask after
his family, and the interview was

over.

Our caretaker, too, appears
each morning, but she never fails
to extend the conversation into a
lengthy social one.
house guests, she is even more
difficult to dislodge,

It is embarrassing when a guest
clearly wishes to get on with his
breakfast, acd uncomfortable
when there are private matters
under discussion.

To steer her into the kitchen
simply means we are separated
from family and guests while our
breakfast gets cold. Worse,
despite such ‘tend games’’ as
“Well, I mustn’t keep you”’ or ‘I
must get back to my guests,"’ she
follows us right back to the dining
room.

My sister and I resent her mara-
thon visitations when we wish to
enjoy family and friends, but it is
worse when we are alone. To be
alone used to mean a chance (to sit
on the porch with morning coffee
and meditate on the lapping waves
— now an impossibility.

The area is extremely rural. The
young woman is obviously starved
for companionship, and she sees
us as an opportunity for. friend-
ship.

How can we reclaim our porch
and guests and vacations without
damaging her dignity?

GENTLE READER — Your
grandmother and her caretaker
came from a time when employer
and employee equally understood
that a formal relationship was eas-
ier on them both than a pseudo-
social one.

Miss Manners still believes in
that pleasant distance, more out

If we have

WHAT’S ON FOR SENIORS

MONDAY

May 27--Ongoing to Aug. Free legal
aid for senior citizens. 10 a.m.-4 p.m.
Silver Harbour Centre, 144 E. 22nd
St., N.V. By appointment, 980-2474.

eee
May 27--Trip to Cloud 9 revolving
restaurant. Noon-3 p.m. Info: N.S.
Neighbourhood House, 225 E. 2nd St.
987-8138.

ees
May 27--Ongoing. N.S. Neighbour-
hood House. Keep Well free drop-in
program for adults over 50 yrs. Exer-
cise, relaxation, counselling 10:30
a.m.-2 p.m. Walking Club meets at 9
a.m. Discussion group - 10 a.m.
Hands-on program at 10:30 a.m. Hot
funch at noon. Info:987-8138.

eee
May 27--Ongoing to June 31. N.S.
Seniors’ Tennis Association invite new
members to register for outdoor sum-
mer play. All levels welcome. Applica-
tions at N.V. & W.V. recreation cen-
tres. Info: 986-0459 or 922-9690.

TUESDAY

May 28-Mini trip to Granville Island

Info: N.S. Neigh-

Brewery. 1-4 p.m.
NV.

bourhood House, 225 E. 2nd St.,
987-8138.

eee
Myzy 28-Ongoing to Aug. Free legal
aid for senior citizens. 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

Won’t miss
mornings

From page 35
the Arts.’

Once he retires, Henderson
plans to move to the Vancouver
island community of Qualicum,
where he is building a house. And
while he says he hopes to get back
into playing music as opposed to
teaching it, he adds that he will
miss teaching.

“EH miss the contact with the
students and with the teachers —
bur io sure won't miss the 7:30
a.m. classes.”

Silver Harbour Centre, 144 E. 22nd
SL, N.V. By appointment, 980-2474.
eon

May 28--Ongoing. Music lectures for
sts. IT a.m. Van. Avademy of Music.
Continues as jong as interest. Mr.
Goldberg of Van. Academy co-ord.
Info: 987-0670.
eso

May 28--Ongaing. N.S. Caregivers
Support Soc. Weekly support for peo-
ple caring for if or aging relative.
Meets every Tues. $:15-3:15 p.m. at
Suite 8-103 W. 3rd St. (off Lonsdale),
N. Van.. Info: 983-2141.

WEDNESDAY

Established
1956

All Work
Guaranteed

ICBC Claims
a Yesterday Service

May 29--Ongoing. Senior cyclists meet
at 9:30 a.m. at W.V. Senior Activity
Centre, 22nd Ave. & Marine Dr. in
W.YV. No riding if it is raining. Info:
985-5038.

eee
May 29--Ongoing: Silver Harbour
Centre. N.S. Keep Well, Free drop-in

See more page 37

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of sympathy with the employee,
who is not in a position to prevent
unwanted overtures, than with the
employer, who is. But establishing
such a tone has to be done from

the beginning of the relationship,
and Miss Manners understands
that you cannot now seem to snub
someone used to behaving as your
friend.

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CITY OF NORTH VANCOUVER
INVITES
CITY RESIDENTS

TO SIT ON THE
SOCIAL PLANNING ADVISORY COMMITTEE

The City of North Vancouver is seeking volunteer
citizen members for the new ongoing ‘SOCIAL
PLANNING ADVISORY COMMITTEE” of Council.

Working in cooperation with the City Social Plann-
ing staff, this Committee will advise Council on mat-

ters concerning the planning and development of
municipal strategies to mest community social
needs.

Candidates should not be a Board member of a North
Shore community non-profit agency. Please reply in
writing with a brief description of your experience and
interests prior to 4:30 p.m., JUNE 14, 1991 to:

Social Planning
City of North Vancouver
141 West 74tn Street
North Vancouver, 8.C.
V7M 1HQ 985-7761

MAKE A DIFFERENCE -—- BECOME INVOLVED