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“ objectionable as he. fs,
_were ‘not for the fact tha
~ have ‘two daughters, ag

anna

DOES |. anything. ‘objection-
| -Oblee

"that:
- them,”
rassing,

‘pretty crude things’ ‘to them,

things | he: Says,

‘onbee te is. See my: i
7 should 1 do?

"STEWART: |

x 61-6242. for: appointments. for

. vesidents:. “

Pm about 40.° pounds ee OE :
| overweight. I want to: take off | QUESTION: an
20. pounds by the end of the. I-have a. great. dislike: for -

fou Do you think can a taking part in.any continuing
o it

: STEWART: - ing some watering’ of the
' Yes, 1 think you can do it.

flowers, or changing the hose
But I don’t think you will! I ‘on the lawn, but I don’t want

think you. won’t, because you "to slave away at that kind of
are still.at the stage where. work and feel responsible for
the opinions. of others are too it, day ‘after: day.’ My wife
important to you.'Why inthe loves that sort of -thing. ‘It

world .are |wasting energy, really is one of her joys to be

and cluttering up your |) working at the garden. Now
intentions by asking ME. if I

you would think that is an
think youll see it through? {deal situation, — my wite -
Don't even ask yourself’ if

“Joving to do a job that I don’t |
you CAN’ do it, or if. you

want to ‘do. But tft docsn’t’ .

WILL do it; If you’ want to be

~ kind to yourself, just DO it! It ‘always crabbing at me to
may be. ‘helpful, for you to. help her.
have .a .20. _pounds:-off-goal,
even while you claim to be 40
pounds overweight, provided |
you ‘see ‘that as one step.
along the. way toward . the °
person you want to be. ;

What I'm ‘saying. is that:
some people can “accept a.
series of small, goals. better
than one big goal, Still others
are not too keen about any
specific goals, but, on. the,
other hand, they just make a.
star{ in doing themselves the | ‘dilemma?
big favour of becoming what. oe
they want to be. Whichever “STEWART: |
route you travel, do it~ | Do you think she would
because. you want to do. say, ‘He hardly ever gives
yourself one great big fat and me any help around the
beautiful favour! Best wishes
during your lean years.

full-time. gardner

. offered to

.

and wants me to help her.

ways in which you help her

+

>My. : “husband” “has | ane ‘sensible reasons, ‘visits us for
a uncle. about his’ nine or 10. days: each. August.
ow age, -who, for. perfectly © “Pm: ‘gure he w uld not be. 28 howto handle} jt: Tell them. to...
| | | ; /At. play it.cool and act like what_
“heé:says:is hardly, registering. a
on. them. eres -

e.13.

and 15, who take-the bruntof. .
- his weird ‘sense: of humour. ae
He is’ a bit ‘crude and fis a
_ tireless tease. . . He. never o

at what he. says. to.
hem is difficult. for them to
ndle. He talks to them:
a about. ‘their figures. in a. way ._
As: complimentary tw

‘but. also auite embar- * embarrassing,

They - are: well. | developed
for thelr: age’ and. he says

always ‘in. a -bantering way...
. My. busband is: ‘Upset: by, the”

oe :
but. doesn’ t. themselves if possible. if that |
~. doesn’t:
iq course, they should let you or. .
; your husband’ know exactly ff _
~ what it is‘they have not been |
~ able to > handle. ae we

Probably there will be no: O°

: =~ family. or: group harm done; if you havea chat:
Counselling. * :
His new: office | in the Plaza ° at the ag snd i oat est .
International. “Hotel [open — in a ES ne ou A as
“Tuesdays only) Is for ‘tho | “going on: Explain to the S)
“convenience of North Shore that once in‘a ‘while they will

bump: into. men. like. their =

“sort’of work in’our garden. I
don’t mind occasionally do- |

work that way because she is _
‘that, |

~ you. hire |

She keeps. ‘buying more.
flowers and more shrabs.and
even trees-then wants ME to_
be with chr always in-doing
_.. the work they. demand. We
can well: afford -to have a

“Tooking
after ovr grounds and TI have.
arrange that for ©
‘her. She will not hear of it
because she. wants to do It.

low can I get around this’

house’’? Or, are there other -

AS

“gomewhat-’
“but -

parents but. ‘to ‘handle’

“work, © then,’ of

: (apart fe from. ‘the. e garden)? If

you: are’ willing ° ‘to ‘help in

other... ways, that puts a
‘different’ | light: . your
Situation. But ‘about ° t

garden: ‘Would: you” be

willing to volunteer. your help
with: the’ garden’ for.a decent -

‘amount of ‘time; "let’s say,
once or twice. a week? If you.

‘offered - ‘something ” definite

like that, you would 'bé ‘ina
better position to tell her that.

it is hard for you hear: her

| crabbing at you...

‘Let her how. what 3 you. will
do: (without grouching) and.
ask, her if she. will accept”
‘without | ‘grouching.
Then,. arrange with her to'let -
“professional |
gardiier to’ come. once: every:

two ‘weeks, or once a month:
. to doa lot.of the heavy work,

or ‘time-consuming work that.
she may enjoy the least. Arc

you proud of her work and do

you appreciate the results of

her interest in: gardening? if

you are, be. sure you let her.
‘know about it. Give her lots

of support and tell her: you,
-are happy to help: her in
.. YOUR way, but not in a way |
that’ serves only to make you

peeved.

It's a good thing. she’s”

doing and with the help you
are willing to give her, there
could be a pretty happy
solution to your dilemma.

cuncle and: that ‘it is’ “good .
7 opportunity. ‘for them to learn .

“Let them. know ‘that. he is. |
; quite likely: a. pretty good.egg . |
and just doesn’t know how to...
‘get along with young women “jj .
“any more graciously than he jf.
does. Let them know that he | jf
“crude” cand ff
| in “all if
~ likelyhood quite. harmless... a |
--.. Keep them cool, “Dut also let |
them’ know that “IF he jf
‘.. becomes more suggestive or {J}
. aggressive you would like ff
litmé to feel. free (uncle. or fe
not) ‘to tell him off in ‘no: JP |
uncertain terms. Tell them ~{] ©. -
not ‘to: threaten’ to tell their’

a At that. point, Tet’ s. ‘hope _
_— you. will be. abel. to talk with
him in a way: that will. help:
him: perform’ “more” “accept--
; ably. If he fails to. get your —
point and insists on following -
- the... same. tack, . then; of’
course,’ let him know that it is’.
‘game over and. he. ‘should.
‘Pack his little le bag.

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