WHAT DO politically cor-
rect boys do?

They ery. They also dance with
wolves, declare themselves to be
feminists, hug AIDS victims, take
paternity leave, become homos.
And cry,

What do politically correct girls
do?

They write to Gloria Steinem,
describe the military as patriarchal
war pigs, demand a combat role
in the army, and seek out perfect-
ly happy women and teach them
how to become pitiful victims.

Those accurate observations are
the brainchild of Ric Dolphin, a
Vancouver writer who has put out
a booklet called Not Politically
Correct. Give him a cheer, He is a
soldier in the wart against idiocy.

He will have no effect on the
great daily press on Granville
Street, of course, where political
correctness is the new faith and
where they are dedicated to mak-
ing actresses into actors and ‘chairs
into peopic.

But he could be a sign that
madness mevits mirth and that
mirth could sinother artifice,

A “disclaimer” at the front of
his work tends:

“This book has been printed on
non-recycled, chlorine-blenched
white paper produced from timber
clear-cut by fon-unionized labor-
ers in the Amazon Rainforest then
shipped in leaky oil tankers that
stopped en route to driftnet fish
for whales,"’

The person’? mode has proba-
bly polluted the language beyond
saving, but the author's “PC
Speak" stuff should Se read by
everyone anxious not to add to
the verbal oil spill.

He provides some useful
translations.

“Aboriginal land claims”
means “Indian legal claim to ap-
proximately twice the arca of
North America,"

AIDS is a “celeb-
rity-sanctioned, predominantly
homosexual disease."””

“Afro-American” means Black
and Black means Negro.

Anti-smoking bylaws are ‘‘a
San Francisco originated scheme
for oppressing 30% of the popu-
lation.”

“Child-centred’” means ‘the
type of education where the child
decides the study.”’

“Culturally distinct inner-city

ON THE OTHER HAND

community’ means ghetto (do not
call it a crack alley), he warns.

“Discrimination” means “hir-
ing for merit.’

"Fascist’’ (alsa reactionary,
antediluvian, troglodyte, Neander-
thal) means **non-PCer.'

Political correctness has its
sub-branches.

The “nurturingly correct"
adopt Third World quadriplegics
who have ALDS,

The *gastronomically correct’
use the same tone when talking
about MeDonald's as they do
when tulking about Hitler.

The ‘academically correct"
dismiss all literature written by
DWEMS (Dead White Males —-
like those oafs Shakespeare and
Milton).

“They also insist that engincer-
ing students caught watching
strippers must undergo rehabilita-
tion and education by being fore-
ed to escort lesbians home from
late-night Goddess-in
Everywoman seminars.”

As I pointed out a long time
ago, ‘‘sexist'’ engineering students
at UBC are in Fact obliged to
submit to ‘‘re-education,”” just
fike offenders in China.

Dolphin reminds us that the
course is called ‘Society and the
Engineer’ and that it covers
topics like sexual harassment,
multiculturalism, employment
equity, ete,

There is a media footnote to all
this. The booklet was attacked by
the latest left-wing bore promoted
by the Sun to column-writing. |
have in mind the whining, super
p.c. Elizabeth Aird, self-confessed

Reformer questions 14M

cost for new science centre

NORTH VANCOUVER Reform
Party candidate Ted White has
criticized the federal government’s
decision. to create a new. en-
vironmental science centre for the
Maplewood mudflats area in
North Vancouver District.

White called the science centre
an example of blatant government
waste.

“Environment Canada estimates
the cost to build the facility will
be about $14 million, but with
overruns, | wouldn’t be surprised
to see it hit $20 million.

“How un this sort of thing be
justified when we are in a fiscal
orisis?”’ said White.

KEN BAXTER _
LAWYER Prt

124 Years
Experience _.,

He added that, according to in-
formation given out by Environ-
ment Canada, the project will
employ 30 to 40 people as part of
a plan to rehabilitate the site as a
wildlife conservation area and to
protect adjacent mudflats.

“The public are demanding
cutbacks in government expen-
ditures, but the demands are being
totally ignored.

“If the voters think this $14
million would be better used on
something else such as deficit
reduction, they should call En-
vironment Canada and make their
feelings known,”’ said White.

“ LONSDALE QUAY
NORTH VANCOUVER

988-6321

Easter in Saskatchewan

* Baked Ham & Pineapple
© Scalloped Potatoes
* Fresh Broccoli & Cauliflower

Aird attacked the book as juve- * Hot Cross Buns & Honey Butter
nile and unfunny. Well, you * Pumpkin Pie with Fresh Whipped Cream

couldn’t make such New Puritans
laugh if you tickled their toes with § Q5 Setved all day
Good Friday, Saturday

a feather. 6 Wi al Gor 1
Dolphin wrote an amusing S AS KATCHE SY Easter Sunday & Monday

response. The Sun refused to

publish it. But B.C. Report maga- Hi Ba A aL
zing ran it and it made my old

Jungs heave with fumor.

That reminds me. The editor-
in-chiel of the Sun is a wet Brit
called lan Haysom. He quoted
himself recently on his hiring pol-
icy.

He said he looks for people
“who report like pit bulls and
write like angels."’

That's the funniest thing I've
heard in years.

Not Politically Correct tas
some fine cartoons by ''CAM,"
costs $9.99 and was published by
McClelland & Stewart, It will send
you to bed laughing unless you
are too PoC,

former drug-lover and
hallucinator.

located at the “Sundown” end

of Park Royal South 922-1123

FREE BOOKLET

One often heats Canadians com
plaining about the high anoint ot

wa they pay, Wiis many imtivintials 9
do pot realize is that simply by:
structuring theie invesenents
carefully, they can pay fisr less

tia. Thos guide will provide: you
witts ideas for saving Los Uheougt
your investmen Precer aa,

rw x3 tSave the G.S.1. on mont t
for two weeks only, our entire selection of custom made Contour Select clout custom bins |

1
Vertical Lines On sale. Choose from over 100 beautdul lattics and colours. ' Munmam 3 wandows

esnnn| L
SHEERS

Morte allordable than ever, thes special

selection of custom sheers is available im 3X ONLY
fullness This new tow price incluctes fabric

ord lnibouw. (Min. 3 wiche X96" height: Max )

¢.g, Dining -
ftoom Window
10° W. X 96" H.

pet pleated foot ONLY $299.70

(includes labour}

Cull today to receive yee cone
plimentiry booklet.

John Nelson
661-7490

ScotiaMcLeod

Drgdlond ererntrewel tee oo we TENT

NORTH VANCOUVER CANADA'S LANGEST OUND & DRAPERY SPECULISTI

Never tried a fitness program? |
Now’s the time

Discover how great you can feel from a
little exercise. i
We have a very pleasant club atmosphere |
where you won't feel intimidated.

Our well trained staff will show you the
proper way to get results!

Co-ed and “‘ladies only” exercise areas
Cardio Training Centre

Squash

All levels of aerobics

Spa facilities

MONTHLY DUES FROM
with no long term commitment

NOW OFFERING SPECIAL LOW RATES
Students - Seniors ~ Family