8 ~ Wednesday, J ffect IN THE battle against violence, parents are ins the front dine Good parenting, say child experts, can help to prevent children from becoming bullies or victims themsely “Uty Beth Haysam Contributing Writer What can parents do? The com: plex and changing world we tive in leaves many parents feeling cons fused and ansious, North Shore family counsellors believe parents cun make a differ. enve by modelling tolerance and healthy ways of solving conflicn: by huilding @ good relationship with wer children and not being afraid to hive rules, These are sone of their insights: & spend tine with your children, Have ran with then and model your valttes, especially tolerance and fespeet for other people's differ.’ ences, This is by far the most inportant way that children dearn these ati- tudes, said Inger O* Hanton, a coun- sellor in private practice. She strong: fy believes that families lacking in tolerance have more problems and eventually create more conflict. Bactively help your child to build a strong sense of self and a well- founded internal frame of referen The widely accepted idea of setf- esteem is only half the story, said O'Hanlon. It has to be securely don the child's own beitel’s and values Bo A perfectly behaved chi always a good sign, she wart child may well be obedient and ever- mindful of pleasing ‘others but the danger comes in adolescence’ when loyalty often switches from parents “10 peer grou ‘ The value system based on pleas- ing others can be like a house of cards that comes tumbling down leaving the bereft youth at the mercy of other people's will. ; Instead of fostering such depe dency by running ‘their children :lives, sys O'Hanlon, parents can play more of a ‘supporting ‘role in helping them develop their. own opinions and solutions to problems. H use communication .as a tool to uary 4, 1995 ~ North Shore News ve parentin deal with conflict and model ways of handling. anger and aggression. Conttiet is aorimnit ina healthy, functioning family, she says. Anger is simply a defensive signal that something has gone wrongs and we are fi ny aened. Parents should always cool down before try- ing to help resolve a problem. Never, tinder any circumstances, resort to spanking. she says. It simply shows children that violence is the way to deal with prabtents. ‘To break the cycle of violenee, we have to demonstrate ate The best ob is good communica: ays O'ffanton, This nieans genuine listening and speaking skills and the ability: to ask the right questions to probe the underlying issues, The key is clear understand: ing und respec App “tried and tested” discipline teeh- niques. Rules are dike strong fences they make children fe Lawrence Sheppard, behavior thera pist with North Shore leatth: “Wringing your children up without rules is like making thers play bas Ketball at the top af a JO-storey building with no fences." He believes our failure to set tin its in the past has contributed to the sucial probletts and youth vialernce. Parents gan lobby their school counsellors for a second: step: pro- gram which teaches children enpi- thy skills and how to solve problems without resorting to violence, A sec- ond step progesn for parents is also in the works and will be available in the community daa few months, Now for... ; ; a oY] * Winter Semester Jan. 19-Apr. 15, 1995 ¢ FIRST AND SECOND YEAR UNIVERSITY TRANSFER PROGRAMS in Arts, Commerce and Computer Science. All courses are recognized for transfer credit by UBC, SFU and UVic. ¢ FIRST YEAR UNIVERSITY TRANSFER PROGRAMS in Science and Engineering A three semester program preparing students for admission to 2nd Year Applied Science (Engineering). * HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA PROGRAM An accelerated GR11/12 program for students wishing to fulfill entrance require- ments to university. 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